Why can’t every day be Pride?

I wish it was Pride every day. I don’t mean the parties and the parades and the rainbow-themed outfits, although all of those are great. I mean the sense of community.

So many more people feel safe being out that month and supporting friends and family who are out. People want to connect to one another, and it’s easier because you know that people at Pride events are either LGBTQ themselves or allies.

But it’s only one month. And, in many places, it’s only one day really. And then, BAM! It’s back to business as usual, which for some members of our community can mean feeling really, really alone.

Being a member of the LGBTQ community is so weird in some ways. To my mind it has the power to both connect people and to isolate them. I recently had a bit of an epiphany on a Celebrity Cruise. I was on their brand-new ship, the Beyond. It’s captain, Kate

McCue, is the first American woman to ever captain a cruise ship of this size (“this size” meaning massive). She’s an incredibly accomplished and intelligent woman.

She also happens to be beautiful and a lot of fun, which has helped her to amass an incredible social media following, with three million follows on TikTok alone. And she has an Elf Sphynx cat named Bug Naked who has more of a personality than many people who I’ve met.

So, there’s that, too.

Captain Kate has created an environment on that ship that is friendly and open and inclusive — so much so that staff and crew and guests alike can be overheard talking about how much they adore her.

Just to give you an idea of that adoration, on the 10-day cruise, there was an event that she and Bug Naked were the stars of called Bug Naked Trivia. It was scheduled to be held in a small-to-medium-sized venue and instead had to be moved to the main theater because so many people showed up. That’s what I’m talking about. People love her — and they love Bug, too.
(This may feel like a digression. But stay with me here.)

I have been on lots of cruises, and many of them do a nice job of holding LGBTQ happy hours or get-togethers at least once during the trip. The thing is, that can create momentary connection but not necessarily overall community.

The difference is not how many are held or what they consist of. The difference is the surrounding environment. Without a supportive environment, being gay on a cruise — just like in life — can be isolating.

It can be nerve wracking wondering if people are watching you and your partner dance or kiss. Even if you don’t give two hoots what they think, it can still be off-putting. You can be yourself at the happy hour, and then you have to go back to being cautious or aware or something on that scale, even if you’re the most out person in the world. Safety before all else, right?

Captain Kate and Bug Naked

On this cruise — and I have to give at least some credit, a lot of credit, to Captain Kate — the surrounding environment made it such that I felt comfortable all the time. Instead of creating isolation in any way, the cruise specifically created community, whether they were aware of it or not, simply by being led by someone who clearly would not tolerate anything less. That tenor, in turn, inspired me and the people I met at the LGBTQ happy hour on the first day, to suggest we do it every day, which we basically did.
I felt comfortable enough to go up to strangers who appeared to be LGBTQ and invite them. It was like I knew the cruise had my back. The cruise felt like Pride. It felt like an amnesty day, like homophobia simply would not be tolerated. And so, for any change, it felt like if there were any homophobia around, it had to stay in the closet, not us.

Instead of creating isolation, being gay actually gave me an “in” of sorts. It gave me a reason to reach out and a way to fit it. “Oh, you’re gay too? Come sit with us!”

Like I said, being gay has the power to both connect people and to isolate them. Seems strange that one thing could have two diametrically opposite effects.

So, that’s why I wish it was Pride every day. That’s why I wish I lived on a cruise ship, figuratively if not literally, with Captain Kate McCue or someone like her at the helm, of course. It’s not about any one event, it’s about the tone set in the environment in which that event — and you — exist.

If homophobia is tolerated, it will rise. And being LGBTQ will result in isolation. If homophobia, instead, is condemned and even ridiculed for how ridiculous it is — as it should be — homophobia will fall, and being LGBTQ will result in connection.

Listen, I don’t write these columns because I have all of the answers — or any of them, for that matter. I write them to inspire us all to think about where we are and how things could be different. I write them to make connections in the world around me.

I’d like to see the tenor of Pride last all year round. I’d like all corporate entities to support us for real and not just for profit. I’d like more of us to join together and more allies to be like Captain Kate and do the easiest thing in the world for them — expose their kindness and support and love and acceptance of every kind of human and every kind of love for anyone to see and make it clear that hate has no place at sea or on the planet.