Alfa Romeo 33 Stradale

Electric vehicles are on the way, but these fly rides are not finished burning fossils

CASEY WILLIAMS | Auto Reviewer
AutoCasey@AOL.com

We’re on the cusp of an all-electric future, but we’re not there yet. While we wait, there is a club full of hot, sparkling young things just ripe for the taking — whether you want an advanced crossover, versatile pickup, iconic German sedan or sex-laden Italian sports car. Pick your pleasure and burn a few fossils while you can.

Lincoln Nautilus
Fresh curvaceous outerwear meets an orgy of interior glass including a full-width 48-inch info screen plus a 11.1-inch central touchscreen. Redwood and Chalet interior schemes add 28-speaker Revel audio, 24-way massaging seats and BlueCruise hands-off driving. Base models get a 240 horsepower turbo-four, but a 310hp hybrid is available.
Base price: $50,415

GMC Canyon AT4X AEV
This is a bad little f-er, bred for overlanding! It takes terrain easy with 12.2-inch ground clearance, underbody cameras, skid plates and winch mounts. Everybody will love the muscular style, crew cab interiors and available head-up display and wireless Apple/Android connectivity. Power out with a 310 horsepower 2.7-liter turbo-four engine.
Base price: $65,000

Chevy Traverse
Updated exterior styling echoes Trailblazer with wing-fin on sail panel and tough facias, while interiors flash Corvette-style twin info screens. V6s are replaced by a 315 horsepower 2.5-liter turbo-four to tow up to 5,000 pounds. A new Z71 off-road package includes all-terrain tires, skid plates and tow hooks. Hands-off Super Cruise is available.
Base price: $34,520

Mercedes-Benz E-Class
The Gold Standard of Mercedes sedans is all new with a sleek body and interior employing wall-to-wall infotainment screens. You can use TikTok and Zoom video calls with a dash cam when parked. Two mild hybrids — a 255 horsepower 4-cylinder and 375 horsepower turbo-six — work the road through AWD and rear-wheel steering.
Base price: $58,000

Ford Ranger
Bigger and buffer for 2024, Ranger amps its work ethic via box side steps, bed power outlets, trailer backup assist, integrated brake controller and fold-flat rear seats. Tow up to 7,500 pounds with the base 270 horsepower turbo-four or 315 horsepower turbo-V6. Wireless phone charging and automated parallel/perpendicular parking add convenience.
Base price: $32,565

Hyundai Santa Fe
The three-row crossover trades flab for chiseled Land Rover style with square forms, 21-inch wheels and H-shaped driving lamps to optimize style and space. EV-style flat screen displays, larger front console and advanced safety tech add modernity. Base models get 280 horsepower turbo-fours, but hybrid and plug-ins are available.
Base price: $30,000

Subaru Crosstrek Wilderness
Subaru’s smallest crossover goes Wilderness. Aggressive body cladding and lifted suspension accompany vegan leather seats, Harman Kardon audio, wireless phone charging and roof-top tenting. Tackle trails with a 182 horsepower four-cylinder and X-Mode for deep muck. Expect 25/29-MPG city/hwy. Automatic emergency steering aids safety.
Base price: $31,995

Nissan Frontier Hardbody
This special edition pickup returns to its ’80s vibe with three-spoke heritage-style, 17-inch alloy wheels, black over-fenders, mud flaps, bed-mounted sport bar and blacked out bumpers, mirrors and grille. Unlike in the old days, this one has four doors. Underneath is a 310 horsepower V6, 9-speed automatic transmission and four-wheel drive.
Base price: $29,770

Dodge Hornet
Essentially an Alfa Romeo Tonale in Dodge fashion, this Italian-built crossover stings with a standard 268 horsepower turbo-four or optional plug-in hybrid with 30 miles range. Sport mode sharpens the throttle but diminishes 21/29-MPG city/hwy. Get 14-speaker Harman Kardon audio before thumping backroads with abandon.
Base price: $30,735

Toyota Tacoma
All-new for 2024 with Mad Max styling and interiors with flatscreen gauges and tablet touchscreen, big news focuses on the standard 278 horsepower turbo-four with an available 326 horsepower hybrid. The Trailhunter version goes overland, but city dwellers look to the rear-drive TRD Prerunner for angry style and better MPGs.
Base price: $30,000

Alfa Romeo 33 Stradale (Top)
We’re including this just for the wonton sex of it. Inspired by the Alfa Romeo Tipo 33 from the 1960s, it expresses stunning mid-engine proportions and a driver-centric interior. Choose a 620 horsepower twin-turbo V6 or 750 horsepower EV with 280 miles range. Hit 0-62 mph in under 3 seconds; top speed 206 mph. Each is bespoke art.
Base price: $Millions