Sparking a rivalry as old as Bette and Joan, the Ford Bronco and Chevy Blazer EV battle to see who is butch and who is femme
CASEY WILLIAMS | Auto Reviewer
AutoCasey@AOL.com
If you thought Bette Davis and Joan Crawford threw storms of shade, there’s even more manhood displayed over the hard-core Ford Bronco and car-based Chevrolet Blazer crossover. Amping both for 2024 are the Baja-ready Bronco Raptor and petrol-free Blazer EV.
Let’s see who is butch and femme now!
Play Room
Bronco: Completely inhibited, this blistering Ford takes it in the back, and only at service stations. Blazer: It’s done it in the garage, on the street and even at the mall. It will expose its plug almost anywhere for as long as it takes.
Deep Fortitude
Bronco: Growls with a throaty twin-turbo V6 engine pumping over 400 horsepower. It’s the most powerful street-legal Bronco ever, custom tuned with selectable exhaust notes including Quiet and Baja. Blazer: Oh please, I toss down 557 horsepower in WOW (Wide Open Watts) Mode straight from the plug. Use regen on demand to travel 320 miles as quiet as a purring cat.
Sexy Underbits
Bronco: I obliterate terrain with a race-ready suspension with semi-active dampers, fully boxed steel frame and all-terrain tires. Skid plates protect from the front bumper to engine, transfer case and transmission. Blazer: I can sprint, turn, and stop with 22-inch wheels, sport-tuned chassis and Brembo front brakes. My skid plates are practically useless, but they look good.
Alter Ego
Bronco: Duane “The Rock” Johnson — It looks suave, but packs heavy-duty gearing and a wider stance for better performance. Blazer: Roscoe P. Coltrane — Serving up justice everywhere, it comes as a bitchin’ fast police cruiser with vinyl flooring/rear seats, pre-wiring for flashing cherries, steel wheels and bicycle racks.
Beauty Pageant
Bronco: It’s ruggedly handsome with fresh styling cues that pay homage to classic Broncos. Check the BRONCO lettering across the grille, composite hood with air vents and steel front bumper with tow hooks. Blazer: Fresh off its supporting role in Barbie, style is more evolution of the gas-powered Blazer but laying some Corvette style. Check the black roof, illuminated Chevy emblem and front fender coves.
Packed Inside
Bronco: Get it with 10-speaker B&O audio, adaptive cruise and orange interior touch points. Marine-grade vinyl seats and rubberized flooring make clean-up a quick wash and wipe. Blazer: Standard headz-up display, wireless phone charging, twin screen infotainment and hands-free starting are electrifying. Dip the sueded microfiber seats in Adrenaline Red or apply Argon Orange accents to shine a bright on it.
Track Days
Bronco: Its track includes the desert where it can run highway speeds or slow for Baja rock-crawling. Uses 4×4 LO crawl ratio and G.O.A.T. (Goes Over Any Type of Terrain) Modes to configure its bad self for any adventure. Blazer: Bitch’ll rip a drag strip, tapping into electric torque-vectoring all-wheel-drive to eviscerate 0-60 mph in under 4 seconds. God-Almighty! Corvettes can barely do that!
Best Talent
Bronco: I’ll strip off my top and doors before getting dirty in the sunshine. It all snaps back in place quickly when the rain comes. Blazer: Get me going on the right highway to take your hands off the wheel for Super Cruise. Keep your eyes on the road, but your hands on a soda, cheeseburger, or … .
Concert Ready
Bronco: Oh, fark that! I’d rather crank up Skynard and transplant my mechanical bits during a long night in the garage. v: Take me to the ball, babe! I can waltz with Strauss, rock to Elvis and swoon my misty eyes over Audra McDonald.
Empty Wallets
Bronco: You’ll think you paid to educate a cadre of go-go boys when you pop for the $89,935 price. Blazer: They’re not cheap, but you won’t have to rent out the boys given a more affordable $51,800 base price.
