Cassie vs. Dixie
Hello dear ones. I have had a gloriously busy week. As I write this, it is the last day of the Gay Softball World Series which brought so many beautiful people to Dallas from all over the country and Canada. I was fortunate enough to be asked to host the opening ceremonies and the closing ceremonies — with an extra show in between. My purse is heavy, and my heart is full.
The week started off with a bang. I booked a couple of the softball players that just so happen to be fabulous drag queens — Alaysia McKenzie from Austin and Chyna from Nashville, Tenn. — in our Sunday night show in the Rose Room, and they both BROUGHT it. The room was packed like it was Saturday.
The teams had made it to Dallas, and it showed.
The next night was the opening ceremonies at Gilley’s/South Side Ballroom. I did my hosting duties and did what I was hired to do. I made jokes and kept it light in between the big names in the sports world welcoming people to Dallas. We had a very diverse cast of entertainers, and I introduced them all. Each entertainer really brought their A-game.
The ceremonies ended with everyone going outside to see an amazing drone show. Screw fireworks! The drone show was beautiful, colorful and meaningful. Overall, it was a great event, and I was happy to be a part of it.
Then, on Wednesday night, we did a special Wild Pitch Wednesday show at JR.’s. The bar was packed with more beautiful people; the show went well, and I got a great sisterly surprise: Asia O’Hara came by and hung out with us. Now that she lives in Vegas, we don’t talk as often, so it was nice to kiki with her.
As I am talking to Asia, this guy grabs my arm and says he has got to talk to me and that it was very important. So he rushes me over to the end of the bar and begins to tell me that I am the best, funniest drag queen he has ever seen. He gushes over my hair, my dress and my humor. He tells me that there is nothing like me in all of the cities he has traveled to and definitely nothing like me where he is from. (I don’t remember exactly where he said he was from. It was Mississippi or Alabama … maybe.) You know my little ego was booming. I told him, “Staaaap, you are making me blush” as I batted my eyes like the true southern belle I am. I do declare!
That is when the conversation took a turn. He then proceeds to tell me that they should have gotten me to host the opening ceremonies a few days before. I said,” Huh?” He told me that they had someone named Dixie Normous, and she was horrible. He went on and on about how she was the absolute worst drag queen he had ever seen. She was horrible on the microphone and just babbled her way through the show.
The froth that gathered in the corners of his mouth as he spoke of the horrible Dixie Normous grew the more he spewed his hate. I have never seen someone so upset by anything, and I just let him go on and on. He read her for filth.
Then finally I said, “Dixie Normous? Great drag name, but I don’t think we have a Dixie Normous here in Dallas.” He swore and crossed his heart that we do, and she hosted the Gay Softball World Series opening ceremonies just two days before.
I asked him to describe her to me. Mind you, at this time I am wearing a neon yellow wig and blue cocktail dress.
He tells me that she wore horrible pink hair. I say, “That’s so weird! I wore pink hair last Monday.” He says that she had on a lame ass, cheap-looking hooker dress that was Pepto pink. I say, “Crazy! I wore a pink dress on Monday as well.” He said that she was ugly and had no talent. I said, “Wait a minute! I’m ugly and have no talent.” He laughs and says, “No sweetie, you are everything that Dixie Normous wants to be.”
He was not getting it.
Finally, I had to do it. I asked if Ashton Kutcher was there because I was being Punked! He still wasn’t getting it.
I told him that Dixie Normous did not host the opening ceremonies and that the opening ceremonies were hosted by Cassie Nova — and I am Cassie Nova.
He just looked confused.
I said, “I wore pink hair and had on a pink dress, and I was the one that hosted the show.” He said, “No dammit!
That was Dixie Normous!” I said, We don’t have a Dixie Normous in Dallas, but we do have a Cassie Freakin’ Nova, and I am her!”
By now I am literally yelling at this simpleton to get him to believe I was the person he was saying was the worst drag queen in the history of the world.
He finally realized what was going on, and all he said was, “Well, you were better tonight.”
Oh, was I?
I couldn’t even be offended because the situation was just so ridiculous. I just laughed and ran back to Asia and the others to tell them what had just happened. He noticed me pointing to him when I was telling them the story, and he just smiled a crooked smile as he backed away into the crowd of people, like that meme of Homer Simpson disappearing into that bush. I didn’t see him anymore that night.
I kinda love when crazy shit like that happens. I mean, c’mon. Who could hate a Normous Dick, I mean … You know what I meant.
Remember to always love more, bitch less and be fabulous! XOXO, Cassie Nova
