The great Nye Cooper consistently posts the best Facebook status updates, but the following one has to be one of my favorites. Keep in mind, this comes on the heels of the most recent South Park episode, where, rhetorically stating his consent to things, Cartman would respond: “Do I? Does the Pope help pedophiles cover up their crimes?” and the like. It also follows an office convo this morning with my friend David about how too many fundamentalists don’t really understand bible stories at all.
So, without further ado, Nye Cooper’s summary of Christian orthodoxy. Happy Easter evening everyone!
[I] would like to remind everyone of the true meaning of Easter: Jesus was crucified by the Easter Bunny and then three days later they went to see him and he was gone, but he’d left a basket for them full of colored eggs and plastic grass. Then he returned to heaven and made it rain down jelly beans and chocolate rabbits so we would remember him. Amen
So when did he invent the clucking rabbit that lays those nifty chocolate eggs with the yellow yolk center?
Once upon a time, I drove by one of those portable billboards outside some fundamentalist church. The sign said: “Remember, the Easter Bunny didn’t suffer and die for you. Jesus did.” I thought that to be a rather cruel message, especially to unsuspecting moms and dads who drove by and had to explain why the Easter Bunny was such a villain.
Fundamentalism isn’t necessarily a negative quality. It is specific beliefs and behavior that make some people so destructive, such as covering up criminal activity. Extremist, racist, bigot, hypocrite, lunatic and fanatic are better descriptions.
I have get to meet a fundamentalist who isn’t a hypocrite or extremist on some level.