Dear President Trump,
You lost the election. There is no shame in that. However, your failure to accept reality and your attempts to subvert the will of the American people are most definitely shameful.
Lawsuits might have served you well as you bullied your way through business dealings, stiffing contractors and then threatening expensive legal action when they tried to collect. But it won’t work now.
I am — and I am sure many others are — appalled that you called state legislators to the White House to try to convince them to change the election results or, at the very least, not certify the count of votes.
It’s time for you to get over the loss and move on to bigger and better scams.
You have managed to nickel-and-dime as much money as you can from the presidency, and there are bigger sheep to fleece out there. Imagine how much you could make woth future projects in Russia or Saudi Arabia! Those guys are still impressed with you, and I would bet you could score some never-to-be-repaid loans from them just on your signature alone.
(Of course, all of this I say ironically because I know your reputation, and I can’t afford a big slander suit! So remember this is satire!)
Meanwhile, on a personal level, I am tired:
• Tired of your whining and petulant grumbling.
• Tired of your sniveling “attorney” Rudy and his flop-sweat-dripping hair dye.
• Tired of your brain-dead sons and your “hot” daughter with her trophy husband.
• Tired of your constant lying and your overuse of the word “tremendous.”
• Tired of seeing your sphincter-pucker-fish-mouth on my television.
• Tired of watching you riff on whatever weird thought crosses your addled mind while you are giving speeches.
• Tired of seeing that same, shapeless blue suit and overly long red tie.
• Tired of your late-night-sitting-on-the-toilet tweet storms.
• And speaking of that, I’m tired of you sucking all the air out of every news cycle. There are far more important things going on in the world beyond your latest grudge or crackpot theory.
• Tired of worrying that a grown man who acts far more like a spoiled baby has the nuclear launch codes.
• Tired of seeing America’s reputation in the world sullied by your latest tantrum against an international agreement, agreements worked out over years by diplomats and leaders only to be used as toilet paper by you and your lackeys.
• Tired of waking up every morning and checking the newspaper just to see what you have managed to mess up overnight.
• Tired of living in a self-imposed quarantine because you and your “task force” haven’t taken COVID-19 seriously and have been so lax in your precautions that just about everyone in the White House has caught it.
But enough about me, here is my request to you: Admit you lost the election. Graciously concede to President-Elect Joe Biden.
Then start packing.
Finally — and I most sincerely hope it is finally — on Jan. 20, haul yourself and your entire bus-and-truck version of The Godfather out of America’s House. Move to sunny Florida and Mar-A-Lago, and don’t let the door hit you on the way out!
Sincerely, Hardy Haberman
Hardy Haberman is a longtime local LGBT activist and a board member of the Woodhull Freedom Alliance. His blog is at DungeonDiary.blogspot.com.