Photography courtesy Lisa Hause
When it comes to your ceremony, ‘perfect’ is in the eye of the beholder
JENNY BLOCK | Special Contributor
jennyblock@mac.com
From the minute Robin proposed, we started thinking about what our wedding would look like. We live on a lake, and I told her that I was entirely fine with a lakeside, picnic-style wedding. Appearances aside, I didn’t need anything fancy. My only request was that we didn’t try to put lipstick on a pig, you know? If we were doing backyard, then I wanted it authentically so: checkered tablecloths, games of Cornhole, BBQ and bushels of sunflowers. I didn’t want “fake” fancy. I hate when people try to cover ugly conference rooms with tulle and folding metal chairs with bows. No amount of carpet is going to cover up the ugly flooring in that church social hall. But the mossy comfort of a well-watered lawn? Perfect, I told Robin. And I meant it.
But lovely as an outdoor to-do would have been, that is definitely not the to-do we to-did.
A couture gown. A gorgeous urban venue. Taking all day to get ready in the bridal suite packed with my “unicorn gang” (all gay men, of course) and way too much champagne. The whole thing was dreamy. An old warehouse renovated to raw, industrial chic perfection called the Astorian was the backdrop for all sorts of fun details. A wall of paper flowers. A signature cocktail called the B2 (Block and Brown) designed by a mixologist friend.
What made the event magical for us — and, I hazard to guess, every couple taking the plunge — was not that we overindulged in extravagance or that every element went exactly to plan. It’s that it reflected what we wanted in all those quirky particulars.
The food stations with elevated comfort food like deconstructed BLTs and duck egg rolls. The four-tier cake and the “groom’s cake” (still need to come up with the lesbian alternative for that) that looked just like a convertible Edsel (Robin’s grandfather is the designer behind the Edsel) with our dog Walter riding in the back wearing his doggles. The Jenga pieces to sign instead of a guest book. The live music from Mouths of Babes that Robin surprised me with for the recessional and first dance. That combined with a late-night Whataburger snack tucked into custom bags for when we made our sparkler-lined getaway in a vintage Rolls Royce. We had planned an artful and playful blend of our personalities and tastes. It was so fun… so chic … so us.
Ever since that night two months ago, everyone keeps telling us how much fun they had. And that is what we wanted more than anything; it was everything. Friends and family came from all over the country, everyone on their best behavior. They all got along despite the fact that there were people there who never would have even spoken to each other in “real life” but set aside any differences, to pack the dancefloor, line up for the GIF booth, toast at the bar and otherwise enjoy bonding over what brought them to this place.
Here’s what I think the magic was: Robin and I compromised and communicated and did our darnedest to remember what was really important that night. Oh, and we hired a wedding planner. (If you’re getting married, hire a planner, and, if you can swing it, get one that’s a designer, too, like we did.) Chad was our tie-breaker, our peacekeeper, our head-leveler, our reality check, our sanity savior. When Robin and I disagreed, he was the voice of reason. And when one or even both of us didn’t want to hear it, we knew his taste was impeccable and his experience was invaluable, so like it or not, he was usually right.
And hire a good photographer. A real photographer, not cousin Bob’s niece who’s taking a class at the college and will work for free booze. Get an experienced photographer whose work you’ve looked at and who you’ve spoken to and who gets you as a couple. You may think, “Everyone will have an iPhone. It’s fine.” Or, “Good God. Why on earth would anyone spend that on a photographer?” But the wedding goes so fast. So very, very fast. And there is so much you can’t help but miss.
Having incredible photography is like getting to attend your own wedding. And you get to revisit it over and over forever. We do regret not hiring a videographer. At the time, it just seemed like another over-the-top expense. After the fact, we were grateful friends and family shot at least some video — including the ceremony and some wild drone video of our exit! But it sure would be nice to have a professional video of the whole evening’s festivities.
We were also really, really lucky to have my dad perform the ceremony. He’s a rabbi and one hell of an entertainer. I wrote the ceremony and he performed it and it was beautiful. There were lots of Jewish customs included, like the seven blessings and circling one another to join our spirits and, of course, breaking the glass. We all cried. And we all laughed, especially when he put one arm in the air and told us that the key to a long, happy marriage was to love one another, “To infinity and beyond!” It was so special and so intimate and so sweet to have someone who really knows us and loves us to do the ceremony. And it was an extra perk that he’s such a hoot. No one was bored for a second.
It was the people who surrounded us that made the night what it was. Our dads walked us down the aisle.
Instead of groomsmen or bridesmaids, we followed the Jewish tradition of having a shushavim, a group of friends and family who help you and support you with all things wedding. My crew was almost entirely new friends I have made through Robin — men who are now my ride or die. They did it all. My daughter was my maid of honor, and I have to admit, seeing as she’s busy being a freshman in college and a newly-initiated sorority girl, I was just happy she would be there by my side. But she turned out to be a kick-ass maid of honor, handling all the family requests and keeping tabs on everyone, even making sure my bride and I did not see one another before the appointed time.
My only wish was that we had had just one hour more to dance. It seemed like after the toast from my best friend from high school and Robin’s BFF and the first dance and the father/daughter dances and the bouquet and garter tosses and the cake cutting, even an angel blessing from a friend and artist dressed all in white and dancing with the most elegant, articulated wings to celebrate and bless our day, it was all over in a flash. Everyone tells you that will happen. But damn if they weren’t all too right.
So, what is the takeaway for you? Most specific advice will fly out the window once you follow this suggestion: Make the wedding your own, whoever you and your spouse-to-be are. Don’t fake a thing. Stay true to yourselves and your venue. Keep your eye on the real prize: finding someone to love and share your life with forever. And let the evening be one that will thrill your guests as much as yourselves.
In the end, I’m sure the lake would have been super fun. But I am truly grateful that Robin was so game to just go for it. Her mom was married four times. Her dad three. She says she’s only doing it once, and she means for it to stick. So, when she met me, she wanted it to be a wedding to remember. I know it was a night no one will soon forget. Thank you, to everyone who made it so magical. And thank you to my new wife. It really is a better place since you came along.
