I have had some relationships, y’all. None of them went super great. Hence why we’re not still together. But I’ve managed to make friends out of all but one of those boys – four out of five ain’t bad – and I have a certain amount of pride about that. Staying pals with your ex(es) isn’t necessary – sometimes you have to cut it off clean if it’s toxic – but there are benefits to ending things amicably. Here are five reasons why.
It’s easier to rekindle the flame. Sometimes we break up because we’re not interested in being with our partners anymore, but other times we “break up” because we need some time and space to figure out what’s best for us individually and for the relationship. I recently separated from my boyfriend of two years because our cohabitation situation wasn’t moving in a positive direction, so I asked him to leave. I only wanted him to leave my house, however, not my life. After a few weeks of arguing and brutal honesty and a whole lot of heartache, we were able to come back to why we fell in love with each other in the first place. We’re not moving in together again anytime soon, but the relationship is on the mend because we put in the work to salvage it. We’re both hopeful that we’ll be a stronger couple because of our issues – and our dedication to being decent human beings to one another through the turbulence – in the future.
The kids – if you have them – will appreciate it. I don’t have kids myself , though I do share custody of my dog with my ex-husband (never an issue because we’ve remained friendly) – but many gay couples these days are parents to children, and it’s easy to use the kids as chips in their breakup games if they’re trying to hurt one another.
It’s a sign that you’re a great catch. One could argue that if you’re not friendly with any of your exes, it might be you who’s the asshole.
They can provide honest feedback on your current relationship problems. Every relationship will hit a few snags along the way, and who better to help you work through them in the most responsible and open-minded way than an ex who knows who you are and how you approach and react to personal conflict? When my current boyfriend and I were having serious trouble, my ex-husband called to make sure I was OK and we discussed the degradation of the relationship at length. It was helpful for me because he’s one of a few who knows what it’s like to be in a relationship with me and therefore able to provide sometimes hard-to-swallow advice. And that’s what I needed. I didn’t want someone blowing smoke up my ass just to make me feel better. Rather, I needed a swift kick in it to wake up and accept my part in the relationship’s failure so I could start to effectively pick up the pieces and patch up the cracks.
You don’t have to break up with mutual friends and favorite places. For the most part, my partners and I have largely kept separate friends, but there are friends that we’ve met as a couple and who have an equal investment in each of us. If the relationship is so sour that you two can’t be in the same room together anymore, somebody will have to sacrifice those relationships too, which only adds insult to injury considering that your romantic relationship is already kaput.
— Mikey Rox
