Music commissioned by Turtle Creek Chorale works through grief, suicide and survival

DAVID TAFFET | Senior Staff Writer
taffet@dallasvoice.com

Bruce lived a double life. He was teacher in rural Virginia and got married. His wife aborted their baby because she knew something was wrong. He went into rehab to fight alcoholism.

Finally, Bruce moved to Dallas and came out.

“My parents were less than thrilled,” he said, noting that he had no relationship with them for years. “My brother,” he added, “disowned me.”

When he moved to Dallas, Bruce joined the Turtle Creek Chorale while it was under the direction of Tim Seelig. But when he met someone and got into an abusive relationship, Bruce withdrew from all outside activities other than his teaching.

“I attempted suicide four times and fought Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma twice,” he said. “I’m a survivor.”

This year Bruce returned to the chorale after a hiatus of more than a decade.

You Are Light, the chorale’s final concert of the season, deals with survival. To prepare, members of the chorus not only learned the music, which includes five new commissioned pieces, but discussed their own experiences with grief and survival.

The first two rehearsals got so emotional, Artistic Director Sean Baugh worried that a number of Turtles wouldn’t be able to perform. He called those the most emotional evenings at the chorale since the height of the AIDS crisis.

Some asked him how to get through certain pieces. So, Baugh decided if the number of performers was lower than during the season’s previous concert, that would just be part of the story. And it is a story that needs to be told.

“Shame, depression,” Baugh said. “Nobody talks about it. It’s a big problem in our community.”

The music, he said, deals with the issues that lead to suicide.

Baugh commissioned five new pieces through an arts grant that stipulates only that the works must be made available at no charge for other choruses to perform.

Seelig will be in Dallas to conduct one of those pieces at Friday night’s performance. They’ll be dedicated to his daughter who died suddenly last year.

“We’re singing some challenging stuff,” Baugh said.

For Pat McCann, the music brought to mind his relationship with his foster son. McCann began caring for the boy when he was 15, after the boy’s father disappeared and his mother was overdosing on drugs.

The foster son, now 52, still keeps in touch with McCann. At 18, he was convicted of a sexual felony when he had sex with a 17-year-old girl. He’s still labeled as a sex offender. He’s an addict, has HIV and is homeless. He’s been convicted of a number of felonies and spent more than half his adult life in prison.

“I relate to the music through him,” McCann said.

McCann feels guilt for the pain his foster son endures, he said, and the music helps him deal with those emotions.
Chorus member Stephen Price said, “My journey with the chorale has been enlightening.”

Price has been singing with the chorale since 1991, and, he said, it’s always been emotional. Much of that can be summed up in one word, Price said: Grieving. He has grieved for a number of friends he lost through the AIDS crisis, including his friend Joel who sang with the chorale.

“The music of the chorale helps me get past it,” he said. “It helps me and others get past it to the light. Music soothes my soul.”

Chorale member Vince Luke said Baugh shared some of his own fears as they began to prepare for this emotional concert. “I go through the same thing,” he said. “I’ve only recently semi-come out.”

Luke said he moved here from Georgia in 2017 and has found people in Dallas to be quite friendly. But, he said, he’s had trouble relating to others because he builds walls around himself.

Dinging the theme ‘Does It Get Better?’ affects him, Luke said, “because I’d say it hasn’t.” He talked about loneliness, wanting to find someone to share his life with and conflicts he’s had with his religious beliefs.

“I feel closest to God through music,” he said. “Sometimes I know there’s a God. I’m just not sure he loves me.”

Grant Myers grew up in a small town and began playing piano and singing at age four. He began with dance in junior high school, which led to taunting and teasing while his twin excelled at sports.

He said the music from this concert “hit hard. I forgot I had an ex [who struggled with being gay] who committed suicide.”

“That triggered, ‘Did I do enough?’” he said.

Myers called the music therapeutic and instructive: Reach out to someone putting out a cry for help, it encourages.

Another chorale member wanted to share his story, but asked that his name be withheld because he doesn’t have legal status in the U.S. When he came to the U.S. at age 16, his mother, father and sister were already here. After flying to Mexico, he was met by a friend of the family, who was going to stuff him in a backpack to smuggle him across the border in the trunk of his car.

He refused, and instead he waded across the Rio Grande in a group of about 10 and remained in wet clothes until night. They were picked up by a border patrol.

“One guy in the van pulled a knife on me,” he said.

He was eventually united with his family, attended school and graduated from University of Oklahoma, but because of his legal status, is unable to use his degree.

“This is my home,” he said, “but I don’t have the same opportunities as other people.”

He relates to the music of this concert through the song “You Will Be Found,” and said, “My story’s not over.”

His family has scattered — his sister lives in Canada now, and his father’s in Peru.

“Last year, I was just working,” he said. “I was not achieving anything,” and because of his frustration about how his life has stalled, he said, he decided to join the chorale. With this concert, he will have completed a full season.

“I joined to do something I’m proud of,” he said. “It’s empowering to join the chorale.”

And music has been important to him in other ways: “I learned English listening to music,” he said.

And on a personal note, I’m attending the concert planning to cry: I was married on stage during the June 2016 Turtle Creek Chorale concert. My husband, Brian, died nine months later.

So I’ll be attending the concert — on what would have been my third anniversary — with my mother-in-law, who’s a huge Turtle Creek Chorale fan.

Several of the chorale members I spoke to for this story sang at our wedding and sang again at Brian’s funeral. When I mentioned I’d be at the concert on my anniversary, the reaction from each was, “Oh… .”

Well the music is also uplifting, they reassured me. And parts of the concert will be fun and … .