The scary season

Hey spooky people! Y’all know I love this time of year — Halloween, scary movies and cooler weather. It makes my parts tingle just thinking about it.

We went to a haunted house last night, Reindeer Manor in Red Oak, and I realized something about myself: I don’t scare easily. Sure, on occasion I get a quick jump scare from a loud sound or a ghoul jumping out from behind something, but mostly it is like I am sightseeing and judging the quality of and the amount of work that went into the haunt.

I see videos of people online filming their friends, coworkers or family jumping out and making them scream, and I get jealous. Nine times out of 10 when someone jumps out at me to scare me — nothing. Am I dead inside? Or am I just so jaded that nothing bothers me?

Then there are people like my friend Sasha; she is the easiest person in the world to scare. I can literally be standing in front of her, say the words, “I am about to scare you,” then yell “BOO!” And she jumps and screams.

She absolutely hates it, but of course it is my favorite thing in the world. One day I figure she will just punch me, and I will deserve it.

She has tried to scare me a few times, and it is just adorable when she does. She jumps out with a “RARH!”

And I wait a beat, then jump to make her feel better. It’s adorable — like when a kitten pounces on the momma cat like it is a big kitty. Ooohh, scary!

Sandy, the bartender in the Rose Room, is actually pretty good at scaring folks. He has actually gotten me a couple of times. I’ve gotten him quite a few times, too.

Then there are people like Bobby at S4. Bobby scares easier than anyone else I know, and between Sandy and me, I am surprised he hasn’t had a heart attack. But I actually feel I have a lifetime of get out of jail free cards with Bobby for when I scare him because he got me once years ago so good that I will forever feel the need to get him back.

Picture it: Cassie Nova sitting at home on her newish computer. The year was 1998, and I was listening to the AOL dial-up noise that always seemed to take forever and sometimes didn’t even connect. So, fingers crossed, I waited. Then — “Ding! YOU’VE GOT MAIL!”

The first email I had was from Bobby. It just said something like, “Can you see the ghost in this picture?”

The picture was of a den or library, and a caption at the bottom of the pic said that if you stare at the center of the room a ghost would appear.

My dumb ass sat there, about eight inches from the screen, really concentrating to try to see this ghost. Then BAM! A scary ghost face on the screen and a loud-ass scream from my little speakers break the complete silence of my room. I jumped back so fast, throwing myself backwards to get away from the evil that almost made me piss my pants.

I sat there breathing hard and feeling stupid. It was brilliant, and I couldn’t wait to send it to every email address I had, just hoping I got someone as good as Bobby got me. I know I am not the only one that fell for that shit. My heartrate stayed elevated for at least an hour. It was awesome.

For that reason, Bobby will never be safe from me. He is fiercely afraid of clowns, so every chance I get to Pennywise him, I take it. So, anyone dressing up as a clown this year for Halloween, or just on some random night out, make sure you stop by Bobby’s bar at S4, and tell him Cassie sent you. Muah HaHaHa!

Speaking of Halloween, usually by now I have a costume ready — something that I am super excited about.

In years past, I have done Lily Munster from The Munsters, Endora from BeWitched, Pennywise, a female Pennywise, a Steampunk Queen, Medusa ….. But this year I gotz nuthin’.

Of course, I could always reuse and old costume, and I probably will. But this year, I have no inspiration or motivation. Hopefully I can pull something out of my ass at the last minute and be fabulous.

I thought about getting an awful blonde wig and going as Marjorie Taylor Green, but I don’t want to get beat up. Plus, what would that do to my self-esteem? I would want to slap the shit out of myself.

I have that new tit-bib — that’s what I call the huge silicone breast plate I wear sometimes, and I could go as a slutty kitty, slutty nurse, slutty whore or whatever straight girls do. I will figure something out.

Every year at the block party or on Halloween, you see a lot of the same costumes. Two years ago, it was Harley Quinns as far as the eye could see, plus 50 or so Rick and Mortys, a ton of Captain Americas and a bunch of Thing 1 and Thing 2 couples for some reason. This year, I predict we will see a bunch of folks dressed up in Squid Games onesies and masks. Michael Myers will make a big return and probably a few hundred Day of the Dead make-ups.

I don’t care what you dress up as, I love it all. Except you fuckers in the “THIS IS MY COSTUMEs T-shirts. That is lazy and hasn’t been funny, like … ever.

After missing out last year, I hope this year is awesome. Happy Halloween! Remember to always love more, bitch less and be fabulous! XOXO, Cassie Nova

Oh yeah ……. Boo! Gotcha!