Bad weather, great tattoos and lovely pedicures

Y’all, Mother Nature is a bitch. First, She was trying to kill us with her tree semen — making us sneeze, creating pressure in our sinuses that makes your head want to explode and (well, for me) a sad but constant flow of tears out of my nostrils. Xyzol, nose spray and Benedryl are my closest friends right now. Then there is the nasal cavity washer neti pot thing. I’ve been washing my sinus cavity more than I have been washing my hair.

Then She’s been trying to kill us with the rain and lightning. Flooding and power outages have thrown some of y’all back into the Dark Ages. We were lucky at my house this time: Just lots of rain; we never lost power. But my bestie in Dallas is going on Day 6 with no electricity.

Our neighbors in the house behind us lost a giant oak tree. I loved that tree, especially the way it protected us from their judgy looks. Let’s just say, they are not the friendliest of people.

All of these storms, tornadoes and other weather phenomena are getting worse every year. If only the scientists had warned us about this …. Oh wait! They did!

Now I’m worried that Miss Nature is gonna say, “Sorry, y’all don’t get no rain this summer; I gave it all to you a few weeks ago. But I will give you a 100 days of 100-degree days.”

I don’t think I like her humor.

In other news, I got a new tattoo. Kylee O’Hara Fatale put on her QueerOff Ink Masters fundraiser. This is the third year for the event, and all of the tips made that night are being donated to Operation Kindness, a no-kill animal shelter.

Here’s how it goes: Three drag queens get tattooed live onstage while former and current contestants from the QueerOff perform. This year the drag queens — Kylee, Blue Valentine and I — were partnered with local queer tattoo artists. We didn’t know what we were getting tattooed on us, but the artists did ask us questions beforehand to kind of get an idea of something we might like.

I was lucky enough to get Cooper Glenn from Lone Star Tattoo. I told him I was a Star Wars fan, and that Luke Skywalker was my first crush. (Seriously, when I was in fifth grade, I remember fantasizing about marrying him. I was going to be Mr. James Skywalker-Love.)

So Cooper did a pin-up version of Luke Skywalker on my thigh, and I fucking love it! Lukes’ shirt is open enough you can see his big ol’ man titties. Nipples fully exposed with a little bit of that happy trail of hair, all while holding his lightsaber above his head. Iconic!

Blue Valentine got a really cool/hot/chic human/cat hybrid from Leah, who is also from Lone Star Tattoo. It totally looks like a character Blue would do in the show.

Kylee, being the nerd that she is, got the nine-tailed fox from Naruto by Link at Blue Bird Tattoo Lounge. All three of the tattoo artists are so crazy talented, and we can’t thank them enough for donating their time and talents to help the puppies and the kitties.

On a personal note, I fell asleep a couple of times getting my tattoo. I find getting a tattoo kind of meditative. I was almost in a trance — or just fully asleep. Plus, there was a drag show going on mere feet from me, and I had to have been near a speaker because everything was so loud, so I hadta zone out.

The only time I really “felt” it was when he went over a spot that he went over before while shading or adding color. My tattoo was the only one that night that had color so extra props to Cooper.

I must have looked like a dead body, lying there with a completely painted mug and a huge, double stacked wig that made for a nice pillow. Since the tattoo was on my leg, I couldn’t wear my pads, so I just wore a big, fluffy white robe. I looked like I was going to a spa. All I was missing was some cucumber slices for my eyes, but my 301 lashes would have knocked them off anyway.

Next subject: How many of y’all get pedicures? I know a lot of us do. How many of y’all get your little piggies painted? I love it when a guy, especially a masculine guy, has his toes painted. They look even better in the air. Smirk!

A few weeks ago, me, my husband and one of our best friends, Tyler, went and treated ourselves to pedicures. We all three left with painted, glittered toenails.

The ladies that work at the nail salon we go to do not play. They poke, scrape and manhandle our feet like they hate us, and I love them for it. Between the scalding hot wax, the pressure point stick and the cheese grater, by the time they are done I feel like I have been tortured … well, at least a little disrespected.

I get the gel set nail polish because it looks amazing weeks after you get it done. I made Jamie and Tyler get the gel set, too. After all, it is open-toe-shoe season, and I want them to show their tootsies off at some time. Tyler got dark blue with iridescent glitter. Jamie got light blue with iridescent glitter, and I got black with lots of red sparkle glitter. We all looked like we kicked a bunch of fairies in their assholes.

Sometimes you just gotta treat yoself!

Remember to always love more, bitch less and be fabulous! XOXO, Cassie Nova