An average day with Cassie
Some days, being super-average is annoying. None of what I am about to write is meant to be a pity party or a fishing expedition for compliments, it is just something that has been on my mind for a while.
First I will start with what I am above average at. (Donna Day would have killed me for ending that sentence with at, she hated that.) I am a great emcee. My ability to host a show and entertain is above average. I’m very good at drag. I may not be the best but I am certainly better than average. I am an above average home cook — not a chef or even ready to go on MasterChef, but I can slay a casserole and my grilling skills are on point.
I am probably slightly above average with useless trivia — not enough to go on Jeopardy but enough to beat most of my friends at Trivial Pursuit. In high school, I was voted “Most Friendly,” so at some point I was good at being friendly… boy, did I lose that skill. But that is about all where I am better than the norm.
The list of things I am below average at could fill 10 encyclopedias, so let’s not go there. I’ve just always wondered how it felt to be the absolute best at something.
Does Michael Phelps’ dick get extra erect knowing he is the best at swimming? I will never know. (Not about Michaels Phelps’ dick, but about being the best at something.) I am even average in my averageness. Since most everybody is average, am I making any sense? I know being average is not a bad thing but there will always be a part of us that wants to outshine all the rest. I guess I am being petty and I should be happy in the middle, it could always be worse. I will continue to aim for the stars but be okay with the moon.
Being petty, that’s another thing I excel at! Ha! Suck it, average!
Dear Cassie, I have been dating a guy for the past nine months. He is wanting to move faster than I want. He thinks we are ready to move into a place together but I don’t know if I am ready. I enjoy my space. Our real problem is that every one of my friends and most of my family absolutely hate him. He is a bit over-protective and very jealous. He constantly needs to know where I am and who I am with. I wish he treated me better than he does, but he’s really not that bad. I think I love him but am not sure I want to lose everyone else to be with him. My friends have gotten to where they don’t invite me out because they don’t want to be around him.
I was single for such a long time and felt overwhelming loneliness before we got together. Other gay guys always think there must be something wrong with you if you have been single for a long time. I am almost 35 and it just feels good to have someone that wants to be with me. In the beginning, I liked that he got jealous, but now it’s getting to be too much. I hate having to check in like he is one of my parents. I am grown. Being single for so long sucked but being in a relationship has come with a high price. What would you do in my place? Thank you. Anonymous.
Dear Anon-o-mouse, Listen baby, you need to grow a pair. Break up with this mutherfucker and quit acting like you are his little bitch. Nine months and you don’t know if you love him? You don’t. Is that dick good or somethin’? Have you been dickmatized?
What do your friends and family see that you don’t? You are too old to be letting someone treat you like property. If you loved him you would want to move in with him. If you loved him truly, there is usually only one speed for a relationship and that is all out speeding. Your brain is telling you what your heart already knows: He is not the one.
Look, I get it. Before my husband and I got together, I allowed myself to be treated like shit just so I would not be alone. I put up with so much ridiculous shit that I am so ashamed of. I dated one bisexual guy that brought a date — a female! — to my show the night after we first had sex. And my dumb ass continued to date him. One guy “dated” me because as long as everyone thought we were together he would get free drinks, and I remember thinking, At least I am not alone.
Loneliness can play tricks on the mind and can make you forget your worth. It can make you blind to what is going on right in front of you. Fear of being alone is just as bad. You get it in your head, what if this is all I get. You mentally allow yourself to settle.
You are better than that, and you deserve better. Settling only worked for the pioneers of the Old West. This guy is not for you and you know it. When you break it off with him — and you know you should — don’t think of it as a loss. Think of him as a stepping-stone to get to who you are supposed to be with. You learn from each relationship you have; sometimes all you learn is how you don’t want to be treated.
For me, I think I allowed myself to be treated badly in the past to know how to recognize when I was being treated right. I think you have learned all you need to from this guy — you have graduated. The new school year will start as soon as you are ready. Move on.
If you don’t already have a pet, get one. My dogs helped curb my loneliness and helped me erase the smell of desperation. They helped me realize that I was worthy of love and to know it when it came to me. Good luck, my friend. You deserve love — we all do — and never settle.
Cassie.
Giving advice. That’s something else I am good at doing, maybe even above average.
Actually, the more I think about it, the more I think it is way too stressful to be the best at anything. You’re always expected to be the best. There is comfort in mediocrity. Being average at things is the norm. I think I am going to take the advice I would give someone that is struggling with being average. I would tell them to chill the fuck out and just do you.
So I am going to take a chill pill on the subject and give myself a break. I will strive for greatness and maybe not beat myself up for just being average to above average!
Remember to always love more, bitch less and be fabulous! XOXO, Cassie Nova.
If you have a question or comment, email it to AskCassieNova@gmail.com.
