The LGBT generation that created a new world for itself now needs to create a new way of growing old

Those of us in the LGBTQ community who have been fortunate to arrive at our senior years are in a unique position. Being old and queer has never been so appealing, and for so many reasons.

Younger ones who come behind us won’t quite experience this matchless state of affairs. Every generation feels that the fleeting moment of their own existence is singular in its nature, but this truly is distinctive.

Everything that defines modern queer culture was achieved in the time frame of our own lives. When we were born, the culture did not exist. Trans folk along with bisexuals, lesbians and gay men were persecuted, labeled as mentally unsound, preyed upon and murdered with impunity.

But we refused to live such broken lives. We began to push back in large numbers. We found our voice. We announced to the world that we were homosexuals. We rejected binary gender roles. We were proud of ourselves for those very reasons.

We would no longer have the truth of our very natures weaponized against us.

This stance unleashed an avalanche of bias and hatred. Long-standing laws that denied us equal treatment were upheld. New legislation was created to set us back further.

Yet slowly, those unjust laws have begun to be overturned due to the efforts of some very brilliant members of this community and our allies.

Many of the people that chose to identify as members of this community have never contributed to the actual struggle, for their own personal reasons. But they, too, have had great influence on the larger society.

Every one of us that lives authentically, that is open about our sexuality and gender identity, influences the world around us.

Our unwavering commitment to our truth has allowed the people that share this world to get to know us. Inhabiting our own skin has allowed people to be comfortable sharing this planet Earth.

We did not get here on our own. So many good people in this movement have passed on. They were not given the chance to arrive at the end game.

Those younger got here as fast as they could. They have wasted no time in getting involved. The generation that came into their adulthood as AIDS began to obliterate the men in this community had little time to enjoy being young and irresponsible. They are some of today’s brightest stars in the business world and our own organizations. They had to grow up fast.

The young people that are now coming out continue to express the voice of the LGBTQ community to bring the world a bit of a sense of entitlement due to the progress acheiched by their predecessors. I think this is very healthy.

Seeing younger people that feel that their sexuality and gender identity should be acceptable represents progress. It’s the fulfillment of my generation’s dream. What are really impressive are their fresh perspectives.

They address issues that are major concerns in a manner that is innovative and so smart. They have a natural sophistication and practicality that is very necessary in today’s world.

The challenge that the remainder of my generation’s lives hold is figuring out what old age means in queer lives. There were no guide books left for us. This is only now being addressed.

As it was in the beginning so it is today. We will continue to make this up as we go along. That reality is beginning to soak into our awareness. We have no guarantee that we will be afforded a life that insures dignity as older members of this community.

This is the last frontier to explore. It is exciting to participate in its settlement.

There are a lot of people concentrating on housing to accommodate us as we move through the advancing stages of our eventual decrepitude. Others are making advancements to insure that we receive healthcare that is respectful and geared towards the specific concerns of LGBTQ individuals.

There are many challenges to be overcome in those areas. Elder care in general is a low priority, and elderly LGBT people are particularly marginalized.

All the issues of aging are important, but there is another area that doesn’t seem to receive much attention. Many of us have arrived at the golden era of this existence, and for the most part the gilt is still intact. A certain patina has undoubtly settled, but, the sun still shines in our worlds. We are fortunate to remain in solid good health. We are active and engaged because we still work, we volunteer or we are financially able to travel.

Some of us have it all. Yet, progressively we are being marginalized from the rest of the LGBT community because of our age.

Ageism is not unique to the LGBT community. We see it in the way women are treated and experience it ourselves in the job market. It is entrenched in a flawed culture based on a place in time and history that saw retirement as the end road.

In those bygone days, women who had no access to modern-day hair dyes donned their old housedresses and mulls. Men put on their plaid shorts, brown socks and Hushpuppies to mow their perfect lawns.

But we are not our grandparents. The built-in cushions of our society are long frayed. We do not have the luxury of a comfortable retirement enjoyed by past generations.

At the same time, modern medicine has given some of us greater longevity. We simply don’t have the choice to spiral into irrelevancy. Creditors may be the only entities in today’s society that are blind to the aging process.

But I digress. Back to the issue of LGBTQ people and aging.

What is unique in this community and among those of us of advanced years is the fact that we defined the standards for age, although of course, the social discourse greatly contributed.

We took it to heart. We determined what was desirable. We determined what was and what wasn’t hot. The defining moment in the lives of LGBTQ society is that we can alter that.

Before AIDS ravished our world, before the right-wing co-opted this community’s sensibilities with its family values attack, we had our own unique sexual and gender narrative. In recent years, we have begun to reclaim those values. I think at the same time we should re-examine the concept of age as well. This is an important dialog for our community to have.

I don’t say we pretend we aren’t aging; dying your hair platinum and slipping into a tight pair of cutoffs will only accentuate the fact that you are getting older.

But I do think we need to begin looking at ways to create spaces for ourselves where being older is acceptable and even desirable. Let’s concentrate on creating age-appropriate social outlets, and to do that we need to think/color outside the lines.

Bar gatherings have their place; however, there is an entire city that begs for an older, more assured hand to imprint a specific LGBTQ sensibility. I am rejecting the notions of daycare centers and well-intentioned senior events. Again, many of us are not retired. Socializing remains mostly an evening pursuit.

You want sex? Great! Plenty of folks your age are also looking for that. You’d like someone younger? It happens that we’re living in a unique time. A lot of young men and women are genuinely drawn to older partners. It’s actually a kind of fad.

Good for us, huh?

If you don’t think you will attract a younger person, you still have options. Professional escorts are very accommodating to an older clientele. You spend the money upfront to get exactly what you are seeking delivered in a safe way.

Today’s takeaway is to own your age. Stop apologizing for the number of birthdays. Age is a gift, one that continues to provide for your community and your city.

It is still your time. We created a world that didn’t exist before, now let’s create more of a realistic world.

There is a world that is coming that accepts age. It’s a world that acknowledges a person’s responsibility and involvement no longer ends at 60. Like it or not, the game is still being played. Don’t choose to sit it out.

Many are forced to be sidelined because good health was not on their side. You got a winning ticket so use it. You’re lucky. Damned lucky.

Gary Bellomy is a longtime Dallas activist working on issues of LGBT equality, HIV/AIDS services and family violence prevention. He is a war resister and a Trump resister.