Toxic friends and a year since a spouse died makes for hilarious fun on the new CBS sitcom The Unicorn.
Everyone knows that the first year after your spouse’s death is the hardest. Except it isn’t necessarily. What the writers of this show ignore is that the second year, in many ways, is worse.
Wade, the so-called “unicorn” in the title, has horrible friends who have have decided for him that he’s ready to date and get on with his life. Rather than carefully step into dating, they think he should jump right in and everything will be fine. Except it won’t. Big joke. Hahaha. I get it.
For me, the second year after my husband died was worse than the first. I was thinking clearer. The first year is a blur, probably a defense mechanism to shield me from the pain. Most other grieving spouses I’ve spoken to report something similar.
I remember my birthday that second year. I had nothing else to do, so I went to a movie. I bought a ticket, found a seat, got comfortable and waited for the previews to begin. When they did, I realized I really didn’t want to be there and got up and left. But how did I spend my birthday the first year? I don’t know. I have no memory of that day because I was still in a complete fog.
The term “The Unicorn” in the show refers to the widower for some reason. I’m not sure what it means exactly, but he’s a unicorn because he’s so desirable. I don’t get it, but whatever.
He tries dating. Everyone else has told him he’s ready, so he must be.
Yeah, that’s not how it works. It took me a year and a half to get up the energy to go to a movie. By myself. Ask someone else? Couldn’t. Glad I didn’t drag anyone else into that fiasco, because I couldn’t sit through it. Would have been embarrassing had I been there with someone else and left.
Everyone recovers from the loss of a spouse differently and at their own pace. No one else knows when you’re ready for anything.
So why do I keep watching this painful show? Some shows we watch because we love them. This one I watch because it makes me so damn angry. I watch it so that when I’m talking to new people in my grief group, I can recommend it to them as an example of how it doesn’t work.
If you’ve lost your spouse and you have toxic friends who won’t stop meddling, get rid of them. They absolutely don’t know what’s best for you. Everyone recovers from grief differently and only you know what you need at any one time.
One thing I learned was that when others begin their condolence with “I,” it’s about them not you. “I want to take you to dinner.” I didn’t want to go out to dinner. “I want to introduce you to someone.” I’ve always hated blind dates, so no.
The most helpful comments from friends began with “you.” “If there’s anything you need, please let me know.” I had several of those and owe those friends a lot for really helping me the way I needed to be helped.
But of course on this show, it’s all about the toxic friends and what they need. And they need Wade dating. And naturally, everyone Wade dates thinks he’s wonderful because he’s vulnerable and hasn’t dated in years and that’s so cute. And presumably sitcommy funny.
My best dates since Brian’s death? Brian’s mom is a huge Turtle Creek Chorale fan, so she and I have been to every concert together since his death.
Does The Unicorn show anything like that? Of course not. When they show Wade out with his toxic friends, they spend the entire time scouring the bar or restaurant for someone to match him up with instead of spending time helping him adjust to being there without his spouse. But the toxic friends don’t really care about him. They only care about themselves.
I guess that’s somewhat realistic. Couples are uncomfortable having a single friend, especially a newly single friend.
If these truly horrible friends want to help, they’d ask him how they can help. When they are out with him, they’d spend time making him feel comfortable again in what should be simple social situations.
That wouldn’t lead to sitcom hilarity, however. And I wouldn’t have these examples of some of the most infuriating characters I’ve ever seen on TV to share with others as a lesson on how not to act ever when a friend has lost a spouse.
— David Taffet
