One man’s plight highlights the needs, dangers facing the entire community of older LGBT people
Kee Holt
David Webb | Contributing Writer
davidwaynewebb@yahoo.com
Almost a year after a well-known gay community activist was discovered wandering the streets and apparently suffering from dementia, he remains alone in a nursing home near White Rock Lake without any support from family or friends, according to representatives of Dallas’ Crisis Intervention Unit.
“He is completely alone,” said Valencia Hooper, a caseworker for the unit, which is a program administered by the Dallas Police Department. “He doesn’t have anybody.”
The activist, whose identity is being withheld because of his vulnerability, was arrested by police just before Christmas last year when he was allegedly discovered trying to get into a car that did not belong to him. At the time the activist was homeless and wandering the streets after being evicted from his Oak Lawn apartment.
It is suspected that at the time of his arrest he was too confused to understand what he was doing, and that he was likely trying to find shelter from the weather.
While he was in jail¸ the activist came into contact with a nurse who realized that he was suffering from dementia and did not belong there, according to Marilu Thorn, another caseworker with the unit that initially assisted him and tried unsuccessfully to locate family members or friends who knew him.
Thorn said that when she started looking into the activist’s personal history in an attempt to find help for him, she was shocked to discover that he had been so well-known in the community. A few years ago, the activist was on the Democratic Party’s ticket running for a state representative’s position for a district in central Dallas.
Thorn reached out to the Dallas Voice for help, and a notice was posted on the newspaper’s blog featuring a picture of the activist and asking for assistance in locating his family. The effort was unsuccessful so the activist now only has contact with nursing home staff, other residents and the caseworkers who still monitor him.
“He’s pretty much out of it,” said Hooper, who noted that he needs someone to visit him and make sure that he has the personal things he needs such as clothing and shoes. “He’s really a very sweet man.”
Hooper said that as it stands now, if the activist were to die there wouldn’t even be anyone to notify to determine if anyone wanted to hold a memorial service. “He is going to die someday,” she said.
The activist, who moved to Dallas in 1975, is believed to have a son and a grandson somewhere, but apparently no one knows how to contact them. A former roommate of the activist’s now reportedly lives in Florida.
Hooper said that when the activist was first evicted from his apartment, some of his neighbors tried to help him for a while. One neighbor would let him sleep on her sofa at night. He would go to the streets during the day when she left for work.
“They didn’t know what to do,” Hooper said. “They kind of treated him like he was a little dog.”
At the time the activist’s plight came to the attention of the Dallas Voice, research showed that there were scarce resources dedicated to aging LGBT people who lack personal resources. Although the activist’s plight sparked some concern in the community, apparently no progress has been made so far.
One reader who commented about the lack of resources said the community’s resources are rightfully dedicated to HIV/AIDS services, and that there is no room for other programs.
He said that LGBT people are already entitled to the same resources that benefit all elderly people, but another reader noted that many programs benefiting seniors are religion-based and reject homosexuality.
Resource Center Dallas sponsors a program for LGBT seniors, the GLBT Aging Interest Network or GAIN, but its primary focus is education, entertainment and social activities, according to Kee Holt, RCD’s center services manager who oversees the GAIN Program.
After the activist began receiving help from the caseworkers, he was transferred from jail to a medical facility for evaluation and eventually was placed in the nursing home.
Thorn said anyone who was aware of the activist’s plight could have called Dallas’ 311 service to report his situation. That would have resulted in his case probably being referred to the
Crisis Intervention Unit, and he would have avoided the trip to jail, she said.
“It shouldn’t have gotten that bad,” Thorn said.
Holt said that as unfortunate as this man’s story is, a nearly complete lack of services in Dallas for LGBT seniors means that he is probably not the only one in such a situation.
“There’s really nothing at all out there for GLBT seniors in this city,” Holt said. “If you’re an older GLBT person here who needs some specific services, you’re really just out of luck.
There are no GLBT-specific shelters, no GLBT-specific services or resources. Oak Lawn United Methodist Church does have a program that helps a lot of people, but it’s not GLBT-specific.”
There are, of course, more general services and resources for senior citizens in the area, and Resource Center Dallas recently became a member of the Community Council of Greater
Dallas, an umbrella organization for Dallas-area agencies on aging. But, Holt stressed, those services are often not educated on the special needs of LGBT seniors and in some instances are outright hostile.
“When I first took this job in 2008, I started just cold-calling all the nursing homes and assisted-living facilities I could find in this area, just to try and get a feel for what people knew about LGBT seniors and their issues and how welcoming they would be,” Holt said. “I got hung up on a lot of times, and I even had some people tell me that they didn’t have any LGBT residents because ‘they grow out of it by now.’ Some just told me, “We don’t have that kind of thing here.’”
It’s attitudes like those, Holt said, that put many older LGBTs in an untenable either-or situation: “They have lived their lives as out LGBT men and women, and now, they face the decision of either going back into the closet and spending the rest of their lives hiding who they are, or they can stay out and face being ostracized, maybe even mistreated, by staff members and other residents at the nursing homes and assisted-living facilities.
“It’s just a really, really difficult situation, with no good answers right now,” he said.
Holt noted that the Dallas Area Agency on Aging has recently asked Resource Center Dallas to conduct diversity training for its staff in an effort to increase understanding on LGBT issues. That is a step in the right direction, he said, but there are many more steps that are needed.
“The Resource Center needs a full-time staff person to work on just these issues. I don’t have the time to do that, and the funding for that isn’t there right now,” Holt said. “What we need in Dallas is an activist organization focusing on these [LGBT senior] issues. I don’t think that GAIN will be that organization. But we need one.”
Dallas Voice Senior Editor Tammye Nash contributed to this report.
This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition September 16, 2011.
Life is so beautiful and I love it so much, so I fight for my happiness aggressively. As a senior life maybe more harder and yes some time ago I am a little lonely, but I have found my other half thanks to [seniorconnecting d ot c om]. Which is an effective dating site especially for people over 50. It offers a great platform to meet activity partners, travel companions and dream lover,and I have got many friends there. I believe you are also enjoy your life, so let’s be happy together!
Is there any way to find out who this guy is so we can visit him?
I’d like to go visit this guy. I saw his name in the original post about him. I think in one of the comments someone identified him.. Could you email me his name and what nursing home he is in so I can arrange a visit. Thanks.
can anyone go visit him? would really like to come help and even read or sit with him outside =)
I spent 3 years caring for a family memeber in a nursing home. I was there twice a day, 7days a week. It is so sad to see the ones that have no one. Yes, how do we find out where this guy is. We would like to visit and help with his personal needs.
His Valencia Hooper at 214/671-3561 with the Dallas Crisis Intervention Unit can answer your questions. I don’t want to publish his name under the circumstances. She will know who you are talking about if you describe the situation.
One of the programs of The Senior Source is a nursing home ombudsman program. They are a wondeful agency and do care about LGBT seniors. I’m pretty sure that I know who this person is, so I alerted them. They are going to look for him and visit with him.
P.S. Anyone who is personally acquainted with prominent, longtime LGBT activists Shannon Bailey or Jesus Chairez now has the information that you would need to contact and help this person. Thanks for everybody’s interest in this issue.
I have lived a closeted life for many years, but now as a senior, I have become proud of who I am. I am now in grad school to become a community counselor and have chosen as a project, The Dallas Pride Celebration, and have decided to work with the GLBT population as a chosen professional move. In doing my research, I realize there is a real need for help and concern with this growing problem. I would like to do my internship with this oppressed population and learn more and perhaps become an advocate upon completing grad school to gain greater support and recognition for those who are in need.
Thought I would update you. I went by to visit him. He appears to be well taken care of in the nursing home. He has severe dementia. He does know his name, but not much else. He thought I was part of the staff and was talking about things that made no sense, but did to him at the moment. You can’t really talk to him, he doesn’t seem to listen or comprehend what you said to him. You can just listen to whatever he has to say, which will make no sense to you. He needs complete care, changing of diapers, etc. When I was there, one of the caregivers wanted to change his diaper and he didn’t want to because he said he didn’t have any money to buy a new one. She explained to him that it was already paid for, and he thought I paid for it. I talked to his case worker, and no one ever got those pictures to him that were found after his eviction. It doesn’t matter, he would not know who anyone in the pictures were anyway. I feel better knowing he is somewhere they are taking good care of him and he appears happy there.
Thanks for doing that, Carl.
It is good that he is now off the streets and being cared for in a safe environment. But it is still tragic that he ever wound up so at risk in the first place and will die virtually alone unless members of the community take it on themselves to visit him regularly. It sounds like a miracle that anyone at all ever came to his aid. There are thousands of homeless people wandering the streets of Dallas who are mentally ill. There is no telling how many of them are members of our community. This man is a more high-profile case because he was so active in the community before he began to suffer from dementia. I still don’t understand how he became so isolated. Our community simply has not yet addressed this issue the way we have other concerns.