The dreaded question of “What’s your body count?” may be on its way out. The era of curiosity about the number of sexual partners someone has is becoming so passe according to a new study. Those quantifiers in today’s dialogue “don’t make sense anymore.”
Bespoke Surgical, founded by Dr. Evan Goldstein, surveyed 2,200 + Americans on their sexual history. The LGBTQ+ findings point to a much bigger cultural shift: queer communities aren’t just answering the question differently…they’re redefining it entirely.
Discoveries include:
- Gay respondents report an average of 85 lifetime sexual partners, compared to 16 among heterosexual respondents
- Definitions of a “sexual partner” vary widely across LGBTQ+ groups, extending beyond traditional, heteronormative frameworks
- Nonbinary and genderqueer respondents are significantly more likely to include a broader range of intimate experiences in their “count”
- Bisexual respondents are less likely than heterosexual individuals to say a partner’s “number” impacts their dating decisions
“Queer communities have always challenged the traditional idea of what ‘counts’ as sex. What’s interesting is seeing the rest of the country start to catch up,” Goldstein stated. “Younger Americans in particular are approaching intimacy with a much more open-minded attitude, where communication, confidence, and sexual wellness matter a lot more than outdated rules or stigma.”
Sex positivity for the win.
The study states that Americans report having an average of 20.3 sexual partners over their lifetime, which is signficiantly higher from the 2021 survey where the reported average was 14.7 partners. That marks an increase of nearly 40 percent in just five years.
While some states far exceeded the national average, Texas does not. Body counts may not matter anymore, but Texas does fall on the lower average with 11.4 sexual partners over a lifetime just ahead of Idaho (11.2) and Utah (in dead last at 9.3).
In defining a sexual partner, the study shows that most respondents said penetrative sex counts toward their number, but definitions expanded significantly across different gender identities and sexual orientations.
Of particular note, transgender women were significantly more likely than all other respondents to include kissing in their definition.
The study closed with these final thoughts by Bespoke:
Five years after our original study, one thing is clear: Americans are still deeply interested in “the number,” even if opinions about what it means continue to change.
For some people, sexual history is an important part of compatibility. For others, it barely matters at all. But across every generation and demographic, honesty, communication, consent, and sexual wellness remain far more important than any single number.
See the full report here.
–Rich Lopez