The Potter family – from left, Adrian, Isaiah, Jordan, Sophia and Shane
DAVID TAFFET | Senior Staff Writer
Taffet@DallasVoice.com
Adrian and Shane Potter have been together 10 years and were married in 2017. And, Adrian explained, “We had a mutual goal of starting a family.”
By 2019, the couple had started looking for foster agencies that were LGBTQ-welcoming.
They found DePelchin Children’s Center in Austin, where they were living at the time.
“We reached out to them, and they were super welcoming,” Adrian said. “They were very transparent with us.”
The staff at the agency interviewed the couple and were excited about bringing them on. The Potters completed the required classes and home inspections to qualify to foster in Texas.
They began fostering in 2020, and that’s when they saw first-hand the need for homes.
“We were willing to have emergency stays,” Adrian said. “We had one [foster child] that stayed three months before going to their forever home.”
Adrian said they put their name out there again and took in a newborn that they fostered for five months before that child went to a relative Child Protective Services found.
But the Potters wanted to adopt a child of their own through the foster-to-adopt program. Yet, he said, “We put our name in the hat so many times and were never considered.”
When they spoke with their caseworker, they asked if they were being passed over because they were a same-sex couple. She agreed that was probably the stumbling block.
Then they got an email from a caseworker with the Dave Thomas Foundation who said she intentionally places kids in gay homes because they are happier homes with parents who really want children.
Two brothers and a sister had been in the foster system for three years. They were living in a home that only wanted Sophia, the youngest child, but kept the boys so they could have the girl. Their caseworker didn’t like the home and got the judge to place the kids together.
So Isaiah, Jordan and Sophia came to live with Adrian and Shane.
“We told them we wanted to adopt them,” Adrian said, and after just six months of fostering, the adoption went through in May 2021.
Rita Soronen is president and CEO of The Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption.
“We work to dramatically increase adoptions through a number of programs,” she said.
Among the programs is Wendy’s Wonderful Kids, which supports the hiring of adoption professionals dedicated to finding permanent families for children in foster care the longest.
Soronen said every state’s foster caseworkers are assigned more cases than they can successfully handle. Those who work for Wendy’s Wonderful Kids work fewer cases and concentrate on families, like the Potters, who were anxious to adopt.
A national evaluation of the program found that children referred to Wendy’s Wonderful Kids are three times more likely to be adopted.
In Texas, the Dave Thomas Foundation has helped complete more than 500 adoptions. Soronen said she didn’t know how many of those were with LGBTQ families since many adoptive parents are single, and sexual orientation isn’t something they ask.
Cost is the best reason to adopt through the foster system.
Many people go the private adoption route to adopt a healthy newborn. With attorney’s fees and court costs, that price will range from $8,000 to $40,000. Adopting a baby from another country may be even more expensive when travel and that country’s fees are added.
But, Soronen said, “It’s relatively inexpensive to adopt through foster care.” And kids adopted through the foster system are eligible for Medicaid through the age of 18. In Texas, college tuition to any state school is waived for those children. Child care assistance is also available.
A drawback to adopting through the foster system that some people face is what the Potter children have experienced. Isaiah, Jordan and Sophia were removed from their home because of drugs, neglect and physical abuse. And for the boys, the physical abuse continued in at least one of their foster placements.
But, Adrian said, despite those traumas, “There have been no significant problems” for his family in making the necessary adjustments
Then he laughed and listed a number of significant problems.
“Sophia was used to a certain level of attention,” he said. When they first arrived in their house, “she screamed at us that she wanted cookies and cupcakes for dinner.”
Jordan, Adrian said, was doing some self-harm, but “We addressed it with love and understanding.”
When the couple first met the three children, they were failing in school. But now, after three years, however, Isaiah is trying to get into a language leadership institute in Mississippi.
Isaiah doesn’t talk about having been abused; Jordan shares more. Sophia does talk about the abuse she endured, telling her two fathers, “I’m glad you’re my dads.”
The kids are in touch with a set of cousins who were also removed from their home and placed with another gay couple — who happened to play on Adrian and Shane’s softball team in Austin.
Adrian and Shane moved to Dallas for Shane’s job. He’s an engineer who works in land development. Adrian worked as a school administrator but has become a stay-at-home dad.
Next school year, he’s planning to home-school Sophia.
“We travel as often as we can as a family,” Adrian said. Together they’ve been to the Dominican Republic and Disney World. Last summer they took the boys to Europe, and, this summer, they’re planning an African safari.
Soronen said more and more workplaces are offering adoption benefits and adoption leaves comparable to maternity leave. She said more than 10,000 children are waiting for families in Texas, and those families are as diverse as the children in the foster system.
For information on the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption, visit DaveThomasFoundation.org.