Just be kind
My friend Shell and her wife spent the weekend at our house celebrating Shell’s birthday. I made cupcakes covered in sprinkles with little toppers of cartoon versions of Shell doing her favorite thing — fishing.
She could not have been more tickled by the display of cupcakes with the toppers atop toy boats. She told me how loved and seen she felt. I can’t think of many things that make me happier than making others feel loved and seen.
We spent the weekend eating and drinking and laughing and playing Scrabble. Shell won. She and my wife fished, catching more than enough catfish for a Sunday fish fry. And, despite it being her birthday weekend, Shell spent Sunday cleaning and frying them.
Half of the time she was frying outside while we were busy eating inside. But she seemed so happy, cooking for friends and watching the sunset over the lake.
As I bit into the hot fried fish, which could not have been any more delicious, I felt loved and seen.
It’s the best thing in the world taking care of others, doing nice things for people you love and for strangers alike. Just being kind …
Like the hat bar artist at a quaint shop called Gobel West who designed and crafted a hat for Shell.
Like the neighbor who told me to help myself to her pantry while she was out of town when I realized I had forgotten a few ingredients for Thanksgiving.
Or the woman at the front gate in our neighborhood who happens to be a notary and is happy to notarize documents for free.
Or the staff at my new doctor’s office — taking every call, answering every question, being genuinely sweet and attentive time and again despite my unnecessary nerves and need for info.
Being nice costs nothing and yet buys so much.
Then there are the people who just cannot get out of their own way to do the right thing, like the hotel who swears up and down that their valet didn’t scratch my Jeep’s bumper in spite of all evidence to the contrary.
Like the cop who literally cut into slow moving traffic, separated me from the herd, and gave me a ticket without so much as a, “Hello, how are you? My name is Officer Needs a Lesson in Manners and Respect.”
Or the flight attendant who asked me if I had headphones when I asked — very nicely — a fellow passenger if she had any since she was playing an obnoxiously loud video game that was clearly annoying everyone. “Is it bothering you?” the passenger asked me. “It’s bothering everyone,” I said.
I was taken aback by how thoughtless both of them were.
The list goes on and on: People who cut you off on the road. People who cut in line. People who take the last piece without asking if anyone else wants it. People who listen to videos on their phone when others are around.
I call it not being nice. You could also call it being rude or self-absorbed. The point is that these people are not thinking of anyone but themselves.
The world is hard enough. We are all busy. We are all overworked. We all want to do what we want to do when and where we want to do it.
But the world is filled with other people, and, not only doesn’t it revolve around any one of us, it shouldn’t.
We should think of others, always. It’s what keeps us human. It’s what reminds us that we are a herd.
It’s what makes life livable.
It’s easy enough to do. Just ask yourself if you would want to listen to someone else’s Zoom call or video game or TikTok in any tiny, shared space. Would you want to be cold or hungry when there are blankets and food available?
You are important. You are special. But you are not more important or more special than anyone else.
Considering the election and the inevitable stress that the holidays bring, this message is more important now than ever. It’s kind of old school, the Golden Rule: “Do unto others” and all that jazz.
But just think, for one second, before you do anything: Is it kind? Might I bother someone?
Do I need to do this right here, right now?
I get it. You just want to get home or play the game or take the call or eat the tuna fish sandwich. But someone else wants to get home, too, and they need to finish their work or take a nap or otherwise be unbothered.
The world is bothersome enough. We owe it to one another to, at the very least not bother others, and, at the very most, be actively kind.
It’s easy; listen: Go second. Take the smaller piece. Use your headphones. Take up only as much space — physical and otherwise — as you truly need. No one — NO ONE — needs to man spread. I’m not talking about sacrificing your own wants and needs. I’m talking about being thoughtful.
You deserve to both be respected and to be respectful.
If we all do that, then hopefully no one will feel the need to act unkindly, which I know is a reaction to being treated unkindly. But we have to restart the cycle, and there’s no better time now.
Let the kindness games begin!