Jenny Block and her wife planned the wedding they wanted without worrying
about made-up rules (Photo by Lisa Hause)
Wedding planning can be treacherous. But it doesn’t have to be.
There are so many made-up rules and so many people who want you to think that weddings just have to be this way or that. But the truth is, the only thing a wedding has to be is what you want it to be.
Block out the noise and let in your imagination. You don’t want to regret anything on your big day, and you don’t want the planning itself to ruin it. This should be fun. So let it be fun. If it’s getting too stressful, it’s time to take a step back and regroup.
On that note, here are six saving graces to get you on the path to doing just that:
- Invite more people. 20 percent typically won’t be able to come. Send “Save the Date” cards or evites in advance. We ended up having to order extra invites — which is doubly expensive. And we even ended up inviting people by phone right up to the day of.
You have to commit to a caterer at some point and give them a confirmed number. Once you do, you’re paying for that number. So you want to hit that number. But people are busy, they have emergencies or their plans change.
Trust me; invite more people. - Forget about the flowers. Okay, don’t completely forget about them. I LOVED mine. I had the best floral designer ever — from my bouquet to the bloom-soaked chuppah.
But you — and maybe your spouse — will likely be the only ones who remember the flowers.
The vibe will be remembered, yes. And flowers contribute — or can contribute — to that vibe. But it’s more about the overall look rather than each stem.
Your guests will remember how much fun they had, how hard they danced, how much they laughed.
Trust me; forget about the flowers. - Curate your cuisine. Seated dinners are boring. And buffets are uncool. Those are hills I will happily — deliciously — die on.
Your guests want to celebrate you. They do not want to line up for scoops of scalloped potatoes or sit and wait for overcooked chicken.
Think about it. What do you really like to eat? And how do you like to eat it? Me? I love Asian food. Comfort food. Beautiful food. I love food at festivals.
So that’s what we had. Perfect little plates with perfect little bites. Open seating. And a very full dance floor. Make it you.
Trust me; curate the cuisine. - Discourse with your DJ. We had a meeting. We talked about how we wanted the night to feel. We talked about the flow, the vibe, and — most importantly — the “DO NOT PLAY” list.
I’m serious. There is no bigger bummer at a wedding than when your least-favorite song in the universe comes on, and the dance floor clears or, worse, whatever your own private hell is — from a Conga line to a middle school circle to a Macarena mess — develops on the dance floor.
The point is, every moment throughout the night should make you smile.
Trust me; discourse with your DJ. - Dare to dress. You don’t need my permission. But if you need someone to give you permission, I am happy to do the honors.
Wear white. Wear colors. Wear a dress or a tux or a suit or jeans or feathers or whatever on earth you want to wear. The only rule is that you look back and think, “I wore exactly what I wanted to wear, and I felt amazing!”
Don’t let anyone cajole you or shame you or otherwise try to convince you that there are some imaginary wedding attire rules. The only rule is that you get to make the rules.
Trust me; dare to dress. - Favor the guests with favors. Don’t take this personally, but no one wants a keychain with your wedding date on it. Or a magnet with your adorable faces on it. Or a Christmas tree ornament. Or another personalized knickknack. Or a matchbook (although those are the best of the worst…)
After a night of dancing and eating and drinking and celebrating, they want a snack. A sweet treat. An indulgence.
We did taquitos from Whataburger in custom WhataNight bags. Do Happy Meals. Or donuts.
Or popcorn. Surprise and delight your guests. Don’t weigh them down.
Trust me; favor the guests with favors.
It all boils down to one thing really. It’s a big day. It’s the start of a lifetime of together. It’s also a party, one that can look however you like.
Your wedding should reflect the two of you as a couple. It should be a party that the people you love will, well, love — a night people will remember and smile about because they love the two of you and loved celebrating the two of you.
So forget the rulebook and think about what you would plan, what you would want, if no one told you want you wanted.