The ‘sample and see’ life

When I met my now wife, Robin, I told her I couldn’t cook. I should have told her I didn’t cook. It wasn’t that I was lying. It’s just that I didn’t cook, so I didn’t know I could cook.

Jenny Block on the Celebrity Beyond cruise, top (photo by Emy Rodriguez Flores)

There have been lots of things like that in our relationship. There have been lots of things in my life for that matter.

I used to say I don’t go on roller coasters or rock climb or SCUBA dive. And that was true — until it wasn’t. And the only way I discovered that I did do those things was by doing those things.

I stopped saying, “I don’t do” and started giving things a try, even when they seemed out of my wheelhouse or didn’t necessarily appeal to me.

A friend of mine, Scott Moster, recently put a name to that for me. He calls it “sample and see.”

Scott and his husband own My Lux Cruise, a luxury cruise and travel agency. He travels a lot, particularly on cruises where the world is literally your oyster. So, it’s a philosophy he’s come by honestly. He comes across clients all of the time who say, “I don’t do this,” or “I don’t do that.”

The thing is, he tells them, it’s not that they don’t, it’s just that they haven’t.

We were on a cruise together on the Celebrity Beyond, and I was unsure about where to start — where to have dinner, what shows to go to, what excursions to do, what activities to sign up for.

It felt like there were a zillion choices, and I began to feel overwhelmed to the point of freezing up. “So, you sample and see,” Scott said. “You don’t like it, you don’t go there or eat there or do that again.”

I took a moment’s pause when he said that to me, and then I thought what a perfect way not just to go on a cruise or to travel but to walk through life. Instead of telling my now wife I can’t cook, I should have told her I don’t. Because the truth is, I do. And I do it quite well, according to my house guests.

It’s simple really. But in that moment it felt pretty profound. There’s nothing I don’t do, only things I haven’t done.

Jenny with Dustin Ruffato, left, and Scott Moster, above. (photo courtesy of Jenny Block)

Life is short, and its menu is long. We’ll never get through it all, and we don’t have to. But it would be a shame to not sample and see.

The same is true in our relationships. It’s so easy to fall into a rut the longer you are together. But instead of saying, we don’t do one thing or another, why not give it a whirl?

It might not be your gig. But you might never know if you don’t take your turn on the dance floor.

Go out together for food you can’t pronounce; you can always eat pizza afterwards if it turns out to not be your thing.

Take that trip that’s outside of your comfort zone; you will be home before you know it, and you might even miss that crazy adventure that you almost didn’t even take.

Try that paint or wallpaper or décor, and live with it for a bit; you can always take it down. You never know: You might be a bright pattern person, after all.

You’ll be amazed at how “sample and see” will bring you closer to your partner. Testing boundaries is an aphrodisiac. Trust me.

The best way to kill a relationship is to forget that it’s a living breathing thing that has to grow and change. It has to. Change is scary. The unknown is scary — but nothing as close to how scary it would be to lose the person you love.

I never imagined myself living out in the country on a lake. I would have told you I can’t; it’s too far from all the things I love about a city. But the truth is, I can, and I do, and I love it. The city and the airport are just an hour away, both of which hold the keys to a world of things I can sample.

I never imagined I would travel alone all over the world or dive the Great Barrier Reef or rappel down a 20-story building.

Sample and see: When Scott said those three little words to me on the cruise, he was talking about food and excursions and shows.

But whether he knew it or not, he was also talking about life — my life, where I have learned everything about the world and myself and my relationships by doing exactly that.

Just like ship life, there are so many things I don’t even try because it either doesn’t seem like my thing or somehow seems like a lifelong commitment. But there are very few things in life that don’t allow us to sample and see.
And the only thing keeping any of us from that is ourselves.