Girl on Girls
When being prepared is your love language
When my wife and I rent an Air B&B, even just for a night, she always goes to the grocery store for supplies. And those supplies always include cheese and crackers and wine. Many times when we rent a place it’s for a party or event that’s in Houston, and we don’t want to drive the hour and 15 minutes back home that night. In other words, we arrive, drop our bags, change our clothes and head out. So I always ask, “Why bother with all that stuff?” “Just in case,” she says.
My wife does not like to be hungry or uncomfortable, and she is always prepared to the best of her ability to make sure she won’t be. She knows I generally carry a protein bar and a wrap in my handbag. And I am used to being a little hungry and a little cold. (That’s an entirely different story.) Still, she doesn’t want me to be hungry or uncomfortable either.
She is my all-time favorite Boy Scout.
We recently took a Texas RV trip, stopping in San Antonio, Austin, Fredericksburg and Galveston. The last stop and the five extra days we stayed there were not part of our original plan. But because of my wife’s packing and preparation, we barely needed to buy anything additional to make those additional days and nights work.
Except for cheese and crackers. Apparently, one always needs cheese and crackers.
Side note: I hate cheese, and I don’t like to spoil my dinner. So that desire alludes me.
I’ll admit, it makes me crazy sometimes — the extra shopping. The extra packing. The extra unpacking. The waste when things go bad. The fact that she likes to check a bag when we fly to make sure she has everything she wants in reserve. Just in case.
I myself am a lifelong carry-on girl — even for three weeks in Europe with a black tie gala or a week on the Queen Mary II with formal night every night. I would rather have the security of having my things by my side than having all the things.
But just like with most things in a relationship, you don’t appreciate your partner’s quirks until they come in handy — or, God forbid, they and their quirks are gone.
On Monday, Feb. 15, like so many other Texans, we lost power. But within minutes, we were up and running again. Because my wife had purchased a generator in preparation for the last hurricane.
We ended up not needing it then, and it sat in the garage unopened. But that snowy Monday morning last month, she opened it up, set it up and started it up. She also built a massive fire in our fireplace with all of the wood and starter logs she had stockpiled.
She was in her element, and I was so grateful and so tickled and so proud. Not even Snowmageddon was going to stop my wife.
She filled the bathtub with water from the lake. She boiled water from the taps and filled the empty jugs she already had at hand. She lined up the cases of water we had in the garage so it would be at the ready when we inevitably lost water and, also inevitably, were put under a boil notice. We had water for flushing and brushing and drinking and sponge bathing throughout the entire ordeal.
I am eternally grateful for everything she does for me. I am especially grateful to not have to be emergency prep girl. Generators and plumbing are far outside of my wheelhouse. But more than anything, I am grateful to have a partner who views my discomfort as an emergency and who will go to great lengths to avoid said discomfort — because that is the least of it.
The truth is, the wifi was nice, and the flushing toilets were nice. But what was remarkable was not just how safe I felt but how safe I truly was — and am. And that is the hallmark of a brilliant relationship, that true feeling of safety.
My wife knows that I will always take care of her to the best of my ability in all of the ways I can and know how. And I know she will do the same. In the end, it’s the only thing that really matters.
Passion is awesome. Romance is amazing. Being spoiled is lovely.
But relationships that are built to last are built on caring and trust, and those are the things that create a sense of safety. To feel safe is to feel loved.
It’s simple. It can be easy to forget. And it can be really easy to poo-poo when it’s something like buying cheese and crackers or packing sweaters when you’re heading for a warm climate. But those things just might be the difference between comfort and discomfort or even safety and danger.
Be grateful for the quirks. They’re what make your person who they are. And you never know when they just might be the very things that make your day … or even save your life.