You may woof at that hunky guy on Scruff or…(apologies — I don’t know what the other alphabets do on their dating apps), but these days, that person has to be more than attractive.
Hinge recently released the results of its fourth annual LGBTQIA+ D.A.T.E. (Data, Advice, Trends, and Expertise) Report and the study shows that clarity is key. The study highlights how LGBTQIA+ daters are slowing down and paying closer attention to who consistently shows up over time above good looks, chiseled abs or career position.
Created using insights from more than 31,000 Hinge dates globally, alongside guidance from Hinge’s Love and Connection Expert Moe Ari Brown, LMFT, and Lead Relationship Scientist and How Not to Die Alone author Logan Ury, the report shares what Hinge is hearing directly from daters with the goal of helping people better understand how dating is shifting right in front of our eyes.
And why does this matter now?
The world is filled with uncertainty. Why should your potential partner or at least that second or third date? Single daters are over those who show just enough interest (“breadcrumbing”) with no follow-through and don’t get me started on slow-ghosters; instead, daters are slowing down and paying attention to who shows up consistently.
The highlights from Hinge:
— For queer daters, consistency feels more romantic than the spark right now
The report identifies a growing emphasis on what Hinge calls Private Displays of Consistency (PDC): the repeated, behind-the-scenes actions that turn interest into trust.
It’s the midday check-in about each other’s day. The remembered detail from a conversation three weeks ago. The idea that turns into an actual plan and is kept instead of being canceled. What used to be dismissed as “boring” is now becoming one of the clearest signals of emotional investment for LGBTQIA+ daters.
- 76% of LGBTQIA+ daters feel deeply uncertain about the world, yet they are 23 percent more likely than heterosexual daters to say that uncertainty significantly clarifies what they’re looking for in a relationship.
- LGBTQIA+ daters are 32% more likely than heterosexual daters to feel uncertainty at a high level.
- 86% of LGBTQIA+ daters say consistent communication from someone they’re dating makes them feel less anxious.
When the world already feels chaotic, LGBTQIA+ daters aren’t looking to add more uncertainty to their romantic lives. They’re paying attention to who follows through, who checks in, and who makes them feel emotionally safe instead of confused.
–LGBTQIA+ daters are setting their own pace with ‘show, don’t tell’ dating
For many LGBTQIA+ daters, uncertainty is reshaping the pace of relationships. LGBTQIA+ daters are slowing down and allowing compatibility to reveal itself over time through someone’s actions through “Show, Don’t Tell” Dating, prioritizing this over “Dating with a Deadline.”
- 76% of LGBTQIA+ daters prefer to focus on slowly building a connection with someone rather than moving on a certain timeline, compared to 64% of heterosexual daters.
- 52% of LGBTQIA+ daters say uncertainty makes them move more slowly in their dating pace, compared to 44% of heterosexual daters.
- LGBTQIA+ daters say that, before talking about a romantic future with someone, knowing their values (84%), if they feel comfortable around them (80%), and their intentions (77%) rank higher than life goals (59%), family life (28%), and finances (26%).
“For LGBTQIA+ daters, where safety and visibility are layered into every stage of dating, this matters even more. Words can be aspirational, but behavior over time, and your feelings in the relationship are all evidence. Slowing down is what gives you access to that insight,” advises Moe Ari Brown, Hinge’s Love and Connection Expert, in the report.
“Instead of asking ‘Do I like what they’re saying?’ try: ‘Do I feel more grounded or more unsettled around how they actually show up?’ Your nervous system registers consistency or inconsistency before your mind catches up,” Brown stated.
–The big question for LGBTQIA+ daters: ‘Am I proud to bring them around my friends?’
At a certain point, dating stops being about how someone shows up on a date and starts being about how they show up in your life.
For many LGBTQIA+ daters, friends are chosen family as the people who know you best, protect you, and see the most honest version of you. That’s why bringing someone into your circle of friends can feel like a much bigger relationship step than defining the relationship itself.
- LGBTQIA+ daters are 33% more likely than heterosexual daters to say they introduce someone they’re newly dating to friends because it mattered that their friends liked the person they were dating.
- LGBTQIA+ daters are 20% more likely to say they introduce someone to friends to see whether the person fits into their circle.
- LGBTQIA+ daters are 18% more likely to introduce someone to friends so the other person could understand them better.
“What I notice most is how someone interacts with my friends — are they genuinely curious about them, and do their stories line up with what they’ve told me? That’s where actions start to reveal someone’s character.” — Danh Doan (@danhdoanmua), he/him, 26, AUS
The report also touches on these aspects of dating in the queer world:
- Why LGBTQIA+ daters are redefining what “settling down” actually means
- The small forms of PDA that make queer daters feel most emotionally secure
- What LGBTQIA+ daters say helps them feel emotionally desired early in relationships
Read or download the full report here.
–Rich Lopez