CAROLINE SAVOIE | East Texas Reporter
CaroSavo@StoryDustSearch.com
The first signs might not look like violence.
It can start with seemingly small questions. A partner may ask who the other is texting, where the other is going, why the other needs time away.
Then comes the isolation: fewer nights with friends, fewer calls to family.
Eventually, the threats follow, but threats in LGBTQ+ relationships often look different than they do in heterosexual relationships. These threats may not be of physical violence, but of exposure: “If you leave, I’ll tell everyone who you are.”
Advocates say stories like this are common in LGBTQ+ communities, where intimate partner violence can take forms that are both familiar and, at the same time, uniquely tied to identity.
Intimate partner violence in lesbian relationships occurs at rates equal to or higher than in heterosexual relationships, according to federal data and academic research, yet the topic remains widely misunderstood and under-reported.
Data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s 2010 National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey found that 43.8 percent of lesbian women reported experiencing rape, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime, compared with 35 percent of heterosexual women.
Rates were even higher among bisexual women, at 61.1 percent.
Advocates caution that these figures are frequently misinterpreted. While the overall prevalence of intimate partner violence is high among lesbian women, not all of that violence is perpetrated by women.
The CDC data indicates that about one-third of lesbian respondents reported male perpetrators, while the majority of violence reported by bisexual women (approx. 90 percent) was committed by men.
Still, research consistently shows that violence within same-sex relationships is a significant issue. Studies compiled through PubMed Central estimate that between roughly 43 percent and 56 percent of lesbian women experience some form of intimate partner violence over their lifetimes.
“IPV is prevalent among sexual minority women, yet remains understudied compared to heterosexual populations,” a 2022 scoping review of nearly 100 studies found, noting links to poor mental and physical health outcomes as well as risk factors such as prior trauma, substance use and minority stress.
Advocates say abuse in lesbian relationships often mirrors patterns seen in other relationships, including physical violence, emotional abuse and financial control. But it can also include tactics unique to LGBTQ+ communities.
One of those tactics is “outing” — threatening to disclose a partner’s sexual orientation or gender identity to family members, employers or others as a means of control. According to research published via PubMed Central, abusers may use outing to isolate partners or convince them that law enforcement and service providers will not take their claims seriously.
Organizations like The Network/La Red, a Boston-based group focused on ending partner abuse in LGBTQ+ communities, say abuse can also take the form of controlling a partner’s identity or access to community. This can include isolating someone from LGBTQ+ social spaces, misgendering them, or restricting cultural practices and support systems.
Emotional and psychological abuse remain the most common forms of IPV in lesbian relationships, advocates say. These can include manipulation, extreme jealousy, threats of self-harm and attempts to redefine reality, often referred to as gaslighting.
Physical violence — including hitting, choking or the use of weapons — is also reported, as well as sexual violence.
Despite the prevalence, experts say IPV in lesbian relationships is significantly under-reported. Survivors may face stigma, fear discrimination from police or service providers or struggle with the misconception that abuse does not occur between women.
The Human Rights Campaign reports that LGBTQ+ people overall experience IPV at rates equal to or higher than their heterosexual peers, with added barriers to support including discrimination, lack of inclusive shelters and limited culturally competent care.
Resources are available for those experiencing abuse. The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers confidential support and can connect callers with LGBTQ+-affirming services. Groups like the New York City Anti-Violence Project and FORGE provide specialized support for LGBTQ+ survivors, including transgender and nonbinary individuals.
Advocates emphasize that greater awareness (and more inclusive research) need to be the focus to address the issue.
“Understanding the full scope of IPV in LGBTQ+ communities is essential,” researchers wrote in the 2022 study review. “Without it, survivors remain unseen and underserved.”