Another suicide in the LGBT community this week showed that bullying isn’t the only reason people take their own lives.
Last July, I wrote about Debie Hackett, who was fighting with her former partner for visitation rights with their son. An appeals court gave her the right to assert her parental rights and sue for visitation and the case was remanded to the lower court. When I spoke to her, she was hopeful that she would be able to see her son soon.
This month she lost her case.
Despondent, Hackett took her own life on Christmas Eve.
Could interpretation of laws to discount a same-sex relationship be the underlying cause of this needless death?
A friend of Hackett’s sent me an e-mail to let me know what had happened and asked that as a tribute I post suicide-prevention information.
Local counselor Candy Marcum said that, surprisingly, December is not necessarily the worst month for suicide. In Hackett’s case, the loss in court combined with loneliness on the holiday must have been too much for her.
Grieving friends and family can only wonder if there was something more they could have done. Marcum said the warning signs are not always apparent and counsels those grieving not to blame themselves.
Ann Haas of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention specializes in prevention in the LGBT community. In a November article, she listed a number of warning signs for suicide. To read them, go here.
I feel very blessed and honored to have known Debie Hackett. She is an inspiration, and has left a legacy in the lives of those whom she loved, and those who loved her. She will be missed, but never forgotten! Godspeed, Debie! I love you!!! ツ
Debie was an amazing person and a vital part of Dallas’ recovery community. The lives she touched with her kind words, counsel and support are impossible to count. It was a gift to know her as well as I did and she will be greatly missed.
An INSPIRATION????? Please, she took the selfish, cowardly way out. Not to mention how unforgivably difficult this will be for the child…not only now, but think of its future…she obviously wasn’t…
“In Hackett’s case, the loss in court combined with loneliness on the holiday must have been too much for her.”
Are you or Marcum seriously making an assumption on behalf of the deceased as to why she took her life?
Wallen, maybe instead of taking it upon yourself to pass judgment on someone else and to reduce her life and legacy, you could make a bit of space for people to grieve their loss and remember their friend. Compassion is an admirable quality you might want to consider.
@ wallen, you should use your real name if you want to be taken seriously. because what you just spewed is pure crap!!!
I empathize with Debie completely! If you are the least bit prone to clinical depression (like she was), an emotional overload of this nature can push anybody over the edge. She is not a coward and not selfish! She was in the throes of something that she could not get out of. Depression is a sickness. you would not kick your dog if it was sick? Before you post again, do your homework!
Wallen, evidently you did not know Debbie
It’s a shame when life becomes so unbearable that one must seek a permanent solution for a potentially temporary problem. I had the honor of knowing Debie for many years and her presence will be truly missed. My thoughts and prayers are with Debie and her family at this very difficult time.
I knew her. Knew lots of people touched by her-People who’s lives have been forever touched and changed because of Debie’s presence and time on earth. I just hope if nothing else this tragedy will bring together those who can keep her memory alive. To her close friends and family my heart pours out comfort and condolence
Nobody knows what pain a person is in who takes that ultimate step to end it all.
I do not know this lady or her situation. I DO know people who have taken their lives.
No way I would ever call them selfish-if anything ,suicidal people are too sensitive of other’s feelings.
May she rest in peace and thank You David for
including suicide prevention information.Let us not be like the so called”believers” who are condeming her.Go help a friend in need or educate oneself on the matter…
Wallen, if you knew her, I regret that you knew a different Debbie than I did. Let’s put judgments aside and
honor the positive impact she had on countless others.
Jason
Debie is one of the most loving, generous human beings I have ever encountered. Her personal and professional life was dedicated to serving and enriching the lives of those around her. I am grateful to have known and loved her, it’s a terrible loss to multiple communities, but the many lives she touched and strengthened will carry the message she lived her life by. My only wish is she would have given herself the grace and support that she gave so freely to others.
Only the person fight an endless battle can know how it feels. After a loss of a marriage and a relationship with my kids and loss of a job I had to white knuckle it and hold on. My prayers are with her family and friends.
Debie and I worked together, many years ago, at an in-patient mental health facility for children. Debie was the best example I’ve witnessed of a true advocate for children. Her heart was big and her ability to connect with youth – to reach them in their darkest self hatred – was nothing short of a God-given gift. She has impacted so many people with her honesty and kindness. I am so sad that she was in so much emotional pain and that she wasn’t able to see an end to it in this existence.
Having known Debie on multiple levels & in multiple arenas for over 18 years, I can tell you with certainty that she gave of herself, her time, her love, her resources…..anything & everything, needed or not, with the only desire that one might be helped. Regardless of the situation or solution, Debie’s immediacy in helping anyone & everyone was the code she lived by. It is presumptious, arrogant & cruel to label her selfish or to boast of having the ‘hotline’ to her internal thoughts. None of us have the luxury of that knowing. Annnnnnd….it is none of our business. Compassion & love for her as well as for the shattered hearts of those who loved her.
~maggie
For the record, Marcum’s comments were for the suicide prevention article, not for this post. But her comments are as applicable here as in the original story.
Wallen’s comments are not unusual. Anger at a person who committed suicide is a common reaction and not entirely unhealthy. In my conversation with Ann Haas, who is quoted in the suicide prevention article, she warned about glorifying the suicide — especially in the case of the teen suicides that were in the headlines earlier this year — thereby encouraging copycat cases.
Also, since a custody battle was involved, guilt by the winning side is not surprising. Blame shouldn’t be assumed because that side pursued what they thought was best for the child. Both sides were well-intentioned and this was not the result anyone wanted.
My question was about the presiding lower court judge who originally did not recognize parental rights that he would have recognized in a similar situation had this been a heterosexual couple.
Debie,
You were such an inspiration to so many people! You were an amazing mentor, friend, sister, daughter, and mother! You will be greatly missed and always remembered by those who have had the pleasure to meet you and be a part of your life! Your life has had a huge impact on so many people’s lives in such a positive way! Heaven just got another angel, but the world will miss you terribly!
I agree with David. There would have been almost no question (barring some kind of danger to the child, of course) about visitation, had this been a heterosexual couple. Our court systems are a pathetic joke. My heart breaks for her, and anyone her life has touched.
Hey Wallen, publish your name so I can come kick your arse personally. That is my friend you are speaking of!
It is sad that this is the way Debie’s life ended. I didn’t know her very well, but I know she was a big part of my sisters life. Thank you Debie for helping everyone that you have helped! My prayers are with her family and friends.
Debie had such a huge impact on so many people. She truely lived by THE primary purpose. She always had amazing and inspirational things to say in her field and walked her talk. Despite the injustice of this messy custody battle, she can now watch over Oliver from Heaven.
I worked with Debie when she was employed at Parkland. Unlike the rest of us she was not cynical or burned out by the great number of people needing drug and alcohol treatment. She always went the extra mile to help them including running a support group for expectant mothers with substance abuse problems. She touched many, many lives and helped people more than any of us can know. No matter how busy or down she might be she always took time help others. I am so crushed that she was so overwhlemed that she could see no other way out. I will miss you terribly, my dear friend.
I’ve known Deb and her former partner for nearly 10 years. They both have good and bad characteristics like we all do. Sure I wish there could have been a way for Deb to be a part of the child’s life but I don’t blame anyone for Deb’s passing. She got in too much pain and God called her home. She’ll always be a reminder to me of selfless dedication to others but I’ve learned a lot about what not to do from her dark side, too. She would never want people to discount the help to be found in AA, mental health treatments and through love of God and country. It’s just one of many paradoxes that made her so unique that in the end she couldn’t reach out to help herself.
I did not know Debie. I am a mother. I can not imagine the unbearable pain of losing the right to be with your child. Unbearable. And the judge was remiss and terribly wrong. The other parent, why, why,would you take advantage of a court system that does not protect the full rights of same sex couples when you yourself would be a victim of their discrimination as well. With all these compliments about the character of this mother, why would you need to take the custody away so completely so as to rip her heart out and give her no hope. Someone above mentioned that each parent had the best interest of the child in mind. I don’t know these people, but bullshit. The parent could have gained full custody but allowed visitation. That’s just wrong. You were wrong. You could have found a way to co parent even if you wanted all the control. Now you have it. What will you tell the kid about what happened to their other parent? Sorry folks….just had to say it, we all grieve in our own way, even for a stranger.
I don’t know Debbie but have a friend that is going through the same legal guardianship court hearing next week with little hope of winning and seeing her two beautiful daughter due to our court system and same sex parenting.
I have to agree with Susan… I am non-bio mom to a beautiful 9 year old. I am lucky to have an ex partner that recognizes that the best interest of our daughter was to have both of us in her life and has “given’ me the ‘visitation rights’ of 50%… I feel very blessed. I am angered that our court system does not support the non bio moms and knowing the place i would be if my daughter was ripped out of my life with no contact, I can only image the empty place Debbie was in when she made the decision. Obviously the ex felt that Debbie was a good enough person to have a child with her and from the comments from friends and family I believe that is true. The person doesnt change because the relationship ends. I am tired of reading and witnessing bio mom using a child as a sense of control and creating a loss for the child and non bio moms. The only reason a child should not see their other mommy is if the were put in harms way and this could be proven. The ex and the courts should be ashamed!
My condolences for the family and friends of your loss. I only hope that out of this tragedy we can wake up bio moms and the courts system to offer better support for OUR CHILDREN born to same sex partners!
Debie was tireless in her efforts to spread the Hope of recovery to those who still suffer. She was an Angel of Kindness, Love & Mercy to my daughter and my grandson who both loved her deeply. She was extremely kind to me and to everyone for that matter. She was full of Life, actively swimming in the Stream of Life, living each moment to the fullest. She was a Shining Star, a very present help in time of need, an all around amazing, fun, intelligent, compassionate person. She put her money where her mouth is–she walked her talk, her Friends were very diverse, she knew no strangers. I only wish that I had taken the time to tell her how much I appreciate all that she did for my daughter and grandson, and for me. Her absence leaves a great crater. My heart and prayers go out to her many friends and family, those who had the privilege of her Presence for a while. She is sorely missed. Godspeed Debie.
Susan, since you didn’t know Debie I am not sure you’re the right person to judge the situation. First of all, it was a jury who decided the case, not a judge. Secondly, both parties had witnesses who spoke at trial to both parents ability to be a STABLE influence on the child. Since you don’t know Debie and the issues she has faced all her life, including mental illness which she often chose not to medicate, she was unstable…several people testified to this. Debie was like so many people, she had her good points and she had her faults. But in the light of her numerous problems and the fact that she was not the biological mother of the child, the jury decided appropriately that it would not be in the best interest of the child for her to have visitation. You talk about co parenting and visitation as if these are easy things to set up, but when you have someone who has a criminal record and is unstable mentally, even in a heterosexual relationship it would be difficult for a judge to give visitation to a non-biological parent. I don’t like to speak ill of the dead, but you only know part of the story. I’m sorry Debie took this way out of this situation, but the real damage to the child will be knowing that she took her own life not that her biological mother fought for full custody. Your anger is misplaced, don’t be angry at the biological parent, be angry at the person who has hurt so many people by her selfish decision to kill herself.
I knew Debie through working with her as a provider for my job. I talked with her often and got to know her… the last day I saw her I knew something was wrong but she reassured me with other positive news she was doing ok.. I feel horrible I did not talk to her more before she left that day.. She was a wonderful, caring, loving person who is going to be deeply missed… I hope she is in a better place and smiling down on all of us….
there is support for non bio moms.. our heart breaks for debie..
http://www.legaldoulas.com
cynthia
@brett.. and wasn’t it KIM FERRIS who decided on a jury trial?? (in TEXAS.. how many hours did it take to find a jury that wasn’t prejudiced against gay parenting.. easy way out KIM) and wasn’t it KIM FERRIS who after knowing debie for TEN years decided she not only wanted to be in a relationship w/ her but also have a child?? hmm she must have had some redeeming qualities.. co parenting and visitation are easy things to set up when people have integrity and have the ability to think and feel beyond their own selfishness…
Thanks Brett for giving light to both sides of the story. Regardless of all of the frustrations with the court systems and the complications to same sex families I am glad that the jury was looking for the best interest of the child. How easy it is for us to look at a situation and project our own fears and feelings upon it. I think most of the comments above are expressed as such.
Tragic situation, needed discussion – Debie always loved “to stir the pot” and “controversy”…it is a tribute to her that so much compassion and passion surrounds her passing – only she knows her Truth, now. She would appreciate the fact that we all have the opportunity in this country to have differing “truths” and opinions, and she would probably want us to find solutions and answers even if we don’t all agree on what they are for us collectively.
Debie was gifted in her response to others and I am grateful our lives intertwined for brief intervals over the past 18 years. I believe she has finally found her peace and for that I must be thankful but I wish the world could have held her longer and that she would have found a way to stay…my life was fuller for having known her. I can’t ask for more than that.
My deepest sympathies to the entire Hackett family on their tremendous loss, especially during this Christmas season. I wish I had known Debie, could have visited with her, and counseled her out of ending her life like this. I can imagine that her friends are devastated. May Debie’s memory always be with you.
Blessings and Peace,
Dakotahgeo, M.Div. Hospital/Hospice Chaplain.
Brett, you talk as if the bio-Mom, Kimberly, is a poster child of mental health. Not true! She has a history of cutting anyone off at the knees who she was previously involved with. Fear/control issues. Maybe the jury did the “right” thing but even if Deb was stable, Kimberly still would have fought her tooth and nail.
Deb’s history was well-known to the bio-mom before they had a child together. And still they agreed to do this together as a committed couple. With all the remedies of supervised visitation, etc., something could have been worked out it seems to me. RIP Debie.
I knew the parties only slightly, but I must say that I am truly appalled by many of these postings. This is an incredibly painful, tragic, PRIVATE matter. It’s hard to say which I find more disturbing, those postings from people that didn’t know Debie, but feel free to publicly place judgment, or those who say that they knew Debie and publicly spout their opinions, judgmentalism, plain old gossip in a public forum in something that is none of their business. My heart goes out to those who loved Debie, and all those who have been hurt by this tragedy. But for God’s sake people, keep your gossip and character assassination to yourselves.
It is very sad that Debie took her own life. However, everyone needs to know that prior to this custody battle, Debie was not a paragon of mental health. She had a very long history of anger coupled with physical violence. Sadly, this propensity for physical violence ended up being directed at herself. Debie talked a good game, but did not walk the same game.
WOW. This is an incredibly sad sad day in our world. There is, for me, so much to process on so many levels. I knew Debie for a very long time, she saved my life more than once and pissed me off more than once, but in the end, she was always a friend. She did not deserve this. I want so badly to tell you all that none of our opinions matter now….she is gone….we do not get a redo….there is no second act. My friend, I am so sorry for your pain. PEACE.
Kim K Waller
Posted on December 29, 2010 at 11:11 am Hey Wallen, publish your name so I can come kick your arse personally. That is my friend you are speaking of!
—————————– Wallen has neither the integrity nor the morals to do something like that or he would have no backside left on which to sit. Some people are just all “backside” with no saving grace. Dakotahgeo, M.D.v Pastor/Chaplain
If anyone knew Debbie, they knew how much light she brought to so many. She was always smiling and always in service. She dedicated her life to helping people. Maybe she used all her light on everyone else and had non left for her. She was selfless and just did everything to help people. I can not express how sad I am that we don’t have Debbie around. We can do something, we can try and emulate what she stood for. Never forget that we have the chance to make an impact on others! I love you Debbie and may God bless you! (Baruch dayan emet)
Lastly, suicide is not the answer. When anyone is in pain, please speak to someone. We can not Judge the amount of pain Debbie was in, but we can help others and talk about suicide so anyone that’s in that terrible pain can speak to us. Please speak up if you feel this way!
I reached out to my friend, Rev.Dr Durrell Watkins for comfort in the sad sad situation, Here is, in part his response: I am so sorry that your friend was in so much pain that she couldnt see another option. The loss of such a young person who had done so well in recovery is a tradgey. I do not believe for a second that there is an angry God waiting to punish her for an act of desperation. I trust that God cried with her when she cried, held her when she died and is loving her into wholeness through out eternity. She is not in anyway lost from God. The love of God would never, could never let any of us go. I hope this will be comforting to all who knew and loved Debie. Blessings
Thank you David for speaking up concerningt the gall some
of these postings contain… Please tell me, Brett & those
who share your views: Were you ever in the psychiatrists’ office
with Debie & the Dr. when diagnosis were being passed out?
Where you in her medication bottles bearing witness to the days
that she did not take her medicine? Do you have concrete access to
God’s Truth concerning BOTH sides of the contentious rel’ps that
Debie, at times, found herself in? I dare say you are speaking out
of turn. Show me a person in recovery who hasnt dealt with anger,
depression, & mental instability and i will show you
someone who is delusional. There are no perfect parents but love
conquers ALOT!!! It is not for ANYONE to judge Debie’s ability to
be a good mother to her son… What is done is done, However, it is
most unfortunate & mean spirited for you to paint this type
of picture of her…
Can only one such as me say love them both as I have and unconditionally let them go? Let it go, people. Both of them were right in their own way and if I, who loved them both intimately can say I still love them, then all the rest of you have to step up, have to give more than you get. Let their love speak all that needs to be said. Love them, and let them go. Jen
I knew Debie. I loved her. She was very giving. No matter how anyone feels about her personally, this is a very sad and tragic situation. I am not in a place to make a personal judgement about her life or her death for I did not live it, she did. I cannot say what I would do in her situation because I have not been in it. I am very sorry for her family, I am very sorry for her friends, I am very sorry for all the clients she was to impact in the future that will never have a chance to know her.
I am shocked and saddened – to me Debie was always a light
in in our community. My prayers and thoughts go out to all who have
been touched in some way by Debie. I am also suprised by the
innappropriate comments peolpe felt the need to make, please share
them somewhere else.
Replying to the outlandish responses here only fuels them… Everyone needs to throw blame and judgements. Unfortunately this is high profile and everyone has an angle or belief.
If we all looked in our own closets we would find elements of instability mixed with periods of greatness and reminders to maybe lower our voices and righteous 1 liners…..
Known Debie for years. An angry woman. Would snap frequently which is obviously what finally killed her. She gave great advice to others – but didn’t know how to accept it herself. She took the easy way out – another thing she preached against but didn’t follow. Her demons ran deep. What a sad life – including the end.
For those who feel the need to post judgements as truth, remember the kindest word in all the world is the unkind word, unsaid. May you be so fortunate as to recieve such compassion in your time of need.
Just a reminder to those in recovery, just because whomever you have are actively character assassinating has passed, doesn’t mean you don’t owe an amends. Just ask your sponsor.
My heart goes out to the Hackett family. I only knew of Debie through a previous partner. I have recently felt the unbearable pain of not getting along with the ex and not being able to see my children. Unfortunately I know the feeling of wanting to take my life for the same reason Debie did. It’s a pain that doesn’t allow one to breathe freely and involves uncontrollable tears of sadness and hurt. To me, Debie did an unselfish thing; she is no longer suffering and is definitely watching over her son. With all due respect, I must thank her from the deepest part of my heart for allowing the door to open for me to see my children again. The anxiety of not wanting to live is no longer within me. It saddens me that people allow anger and resentment to rule their life. I hope she will touch others lives like she’s touched mine. Life is truly a gift that is fully taken advantage of. Please allow Debie to rest in peace without judgment.
Very sad and tragic.
Debie was a very close friend of mine and she is greatly missed! I have never been happier to see her face 3 times a week and have someone so special at heart to talk to.
May each of you find love in your heart to move through
this pain, sadness and anger with grace. The kind of grace that has
no bounds and emcompasses unconditional love for each other. As for
Debie, may she find peace and know she is deeply loved.
Suicide is the MOST SELFISH act, especially for a parent. The pain she was feeling was miniscule compared to the pain her child will feel THE REST OF HIS LIFE. Suicide never aleviates more pain than it causes. Very sad ending.
Sometimes the sadness is so over whelming you feel like you have to get out of your body immediately to escape the unbearable pain. I dont agree with suicide as an option, but I certainly understand where the thought is derived from as I have considered it myself on several occasions. Losing family members through death, breakups, and custody battles seem to be prevelent in our community along with the other challenges we carry and sometimes it seems that its load to heavy to keep carrying. I did not know Debie personally but knew of her through friends. I wish I would have known her. My thoughts and prayers are with the family and I hope that we as a community can be more respondent and reactive to those in need in help.
This is indeed very tragic and sad. My heart goes out to her family and friends.
Jenz: Suicide is not THE MOST SELFISH act. If you have never felt depressed to the point of suicidal, you do not know the deep pain one feels. You cannot purport to know the pain she felt nor compare it to the pain the child will feel THE REST OF HIS LIFE if you yourself have not experienced it. And I hope for your sake you never experience the pain first hand.
Being an addict, there is constant “noise” in your head.
“there’s a 7-11 just around the corner”, ” the dope man is only 5
minutes from here”. You LEARN to turn these noises off and Deb
played a major role in my recovery coming out of rehab in 2007. I
would have never imagined having to go to her professionally as she
was one of my best friends sister. Unfortunately, I crawled into a
bottle. Fotumately, I was drowning when Debie pulled me out. Losing
a marriage, a home, friendships, a career, and a son can plant that
seed of being better off dead to end all of the pain. As others
have stated here, “if you’ve never been that low you don’t
understand.” I weep because WE lost her. I weep because I too am a
caring person that wants to fix things for other people like Deb
did as a healthcare professional. I cry because I see the pain in
her brothers faces. I pray, however, that she is at peace and has
turned the “noise” of addiction and conflict off. Life is a bitch.
Right or wrong she had enough. I love you and miss you already
sweetheart. Your smile and laugh will always be on my mind. Scott
P.S. I’ll pick up a can of snuff on my way…
The most selfish act may not be suicide. It may be
complaining about not having gay/lesbian marriage rights and then
using the fact that those rights do not exist to keep the second
parent from the child. It is sad the child will not know Debie
because she is dead. Conversely, the child would not have been
allowed to know Debie because the birth-parent went to court to
ensure that. Either way the child loses. This is a tragic situation
and one of many arguments for gay/lesbian marriage–we need to have
the right to divorce and not lose our children in the
process.
Non-legal or non-biological parents and their children deserve the same parent/child relationship protections that legally recognized parents and children have. As a non-bio mom who has not seen her daughter in over five years, I can attest to the lack of community supports and legal recognition parents like me face when separating from a legally recognized co-parent and the resulting despair and depression. Added to the normal grief and loss any parent experiences when a child is lost, is the powerful pain that accompanies the public degradation of character offered up by the legal parent in order to gain and keep community support for the actions necessary to disavow their ex-partner’s right to parent.
There are dozens of associated issues that plague women like me that can contribute to the desperation experienced by Debie Hackett. Her suicide must be recognized in the context of her life and experiences as an invalidated, hopeless, and despairing mother who endured the incomprehensible pain of loss.
Melissa,
I was a close friend of Debie Hackett and the way that you described your journey is word for word how I would hers as well. The degradation of character was so cutting and painful, and continues to be just astonishing! Invalidated, hopeless and despairing are spot-on for Deb’s case.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your daughter! May healing one day come to you both. Thank you so much for your honesty and vulnerability in sharing your experience!!!
Such a sad ending to this stroy. It’s hard to imagine what her family is going through. My thoughts are with them all.
i dont think i’ll ever know why she decide do do this. but i really whis she wouldnt have:( ever day i always stop and wonder why.
i just whis i could hear her voice and smiling face(in person) again
she will be great;ley missed by all friends and familey
her youngest nephew,
Daniel.
Much love to the Haskett family
Prayers go out to the Haskett family
I am sad to hear of another parent who has known the pain of not having access to their children because of a break up. Every GLBT couple with children needs to do a second-parent adoption, which is a simple legal process that is usually paid for by a tax credit. If Debbie had been a legal parent, her legal access to her child would never have become an issue.
Unfortunately, the ability to avail oneself of the adoption option rests on the shoulders of the biological parent. All promises during the pregnancy become vulnerable after the child is born and by that time it is too late-one cannot ‘unlove’ a baby.
A lesbian couple can file a second-parent adoption as soon as the child is conceived. The adoption cannot be finalized until after the birth, but at least the adoption is in process. It seems less likely that the biological mom will back out once the money has been paid and much of the adoption work has already been done.
The absence of a legal adoption, for whatever reason, should not make a difference in protecting the relationships of parents and their children. There are many valid reasons adoption does not occur in all relationships and it is presumptuous to make such assertions. Specious arguments should be avoided. Families sometimes don’t or cannot think ahead nor have the means to protect their relationships. Children lose their parents. Parents lose their children. It hurts everyone. As one who has lost a child, I can identify with the feelings that drove Debbie to suicide. They are unimaginable.
All parent-child relationships should be legally protected automatically. Unfortunately, they are not. Suzanne’s advice is sound: A second-parent adoption gives the legal protections that would be automatic, in a perfect world. The process is simple; it can start as soon as conception; and it can be paid for with a tax credit. All non-traditional families should inquire whether second-parent adoption is right for them.
There are some families for whom second-parent adoption is not practical. Some states, for example, do not allow second-parent adoptions. Those families certainly deserve all of our support, help, and encouragement as well.
It seems from the comments posted that Ms. Hackett touched and helped many people. I hope that we remember her for all of the lives that she improved and for all of the good that she did.
I have read this story and for once feel like I am not alone. It has been 2 years and 4 months since I have been able to see and hold my little girl in my arms. After raising her as my daughter for 8 years her mother and I split up and she took my rights away from me because I am not the bio-mother. I have been sucked into a whirlwind of depression unable to get out of bed and function on some days. Family and friends just assume I should be over this loss and move on with my life, but how can someone move on with their life after a loss so great?? I am seeking out others who have similar stories, but have had no luck. Sadly this is the only story that I have found and it certainly is not one of hope for me. If anyone has any resources or know of any support groups could you please let me know. I just need one other person to connect with so I don’t feel so alone. Thank-you
Amber, your story breaks my heart. There have to be others out there. And maybe you can help them come together, for only those who have had this kind of loss could possibly understand. I have experienced loss, not this kind, but loss. And I know nothing is ever the same. And I don’t understand why anyone thinks it would be. Loss alters your life. It changes things. That doesn’t mean it can’t be okay as we move forward….but I think it will always be different. I hope you are able to find a forum to speak and share your experience. Debie has brought so much attention to this issue. I just wish it hadn’t been through suicide.
Amber,
Please contact me at easyelr@gmail.com.