Someone asked me a few days ago what I remember about an event that started 35 years ago. Surprisingly, I actually remember some of it, and I told them my story.
I got a very nice email as a thank you that contained this little gem: “It’s so good to hear stories from our elders.”
Just drive that stake into my heart and twist it!
“Elder”?!
What am I, a Mormon missionary?!
The particular event I was reminiscing about was Beyond Vanilla, a now-annual leather/kink event that started as a way to educate people about various kinks and how to engage in them safely and is marking its 35th anniversary this year.
Today, the Beyond Vanilla mission is fulfilled through classes on various ways to get kinky and not do any permanent damage to either participant. But it started with a different kind of safety in mind.
A men’s group known as The Disciples of DeSade were facing the growing HIV/AIDS crisis and saw a potential for the disease to not just affect the community but also put an end to sex between men.
The discovery that HIV was transmitted through body fluids — and more specifically, through unprotected sex — seemed like a complete end to conventional sex between men. But they realized a lot of what they did in BDSM/Kink didn’t involve that fluid exchange.
And so Beyond Vanilla was born.
A surprising ally in the formation was the Dallas County Health Department, whose forward-thinking educators saw the potential to get the safer-sex message out into the community that needed it most.
It began as a series of meetings at Resource Center. The first was hosted by local speakers including Marc Lerro, Jim Richards and Johnny Grey. Later iterations that year included Guy Baldwin and others.
The events became a well-attended and successful way to get the information out and bring leatherfolk together.
The Disciples of DeSade, the organization that started the event, dissipated. But the event survived and was taken under the wind of NLA-Dallas, where it became a yearly event held on a Sunday at Resource Center. It included several classes taught by experienced kinksters and a “Fashion Show” that evening to top things off.
Local leather and fetish suppliers displayed their latest creations, and it became even more popular.
About that time, I became involved, and, as the event grew to a full weekend, we realized we had outgrown the community center. We started looking for a hotel to host the event. And that’s when it began looking more like it does today.
Presenters over the years included many well known leatherfolk, authors and educators from around the country. What began as an informal gathering of leathermen grew into a full-blown convention that attracted attendees of all genders, orientations and kinks.
This October, Beyond Vanilla will commemorate its 35th anniversary with the theme “Legacy,” and we will be taking a look back at those years that brought us this far. The event will take place in Mesquite at the Mesquite Convention Center and Hotel — a far cry from the small gathering that started it.
One aspect of this year’s event will be particularly poignant: Beyond Vanilla is bringing in numerous panels of the AIDS Memorial Quilt to the event to display in the Mesquite Convention Center’s main hall. The display will be open to the public as well as Beyond Vanilla attendees.
There will also be a moderated panel discussion centering on the connection between AIDS/HIV history and Beyond Vanilla.
The event will be keynoted by one of the earliest Beyond Vanilla voices, Mark Frazier.
Though Mark now lives in Palm Springs, his history in Dallas included founding the first Dallas Eagle leather bar and his work with National Leather Association-Dallas.
The 2026 Beyond Vanilla will include three days of classes and discussions, leather and kink vendors and dungeon parties every night in a several-thousand-foot dungeon area. It is not to be missed!
As if that wasn’t enough, Hoofcon, a gathering for pony play enthusiasts will also be happening at Beyond Vanilla this year. So if you love human ponies — or if you have never seen them— you’re in for a treat.
Registration is open through the end of September online at BeyondVanilla.org. The hotel and accommodation information will be in your registration packet.
So, as this “elder” runs out of words, let me just say that if you have ever had an interest in leather, consensual BDSM or kink, I encourage you to attend. There is plenty for newcomers as well as seasoned folks like myself.
Become part of the continuing legacy of Beyond Vanilla!
Hardy Haberman is a longtime local LGBTQ+ activist and a board member of the Woodhull Freedom Alliance. His blog is at DungeonDiary.blogspot.com.