Pronouns and stuff
Hello good people of earth. I hope you are all having a joyful holiday season. Today, I wanna talk about something that everyone has an opinion about: Pronouns.
I want to start out by saying that I am just a fucking drag queen, and I probably have no business talking about this subject. But I also know the importance of respect. Once I know better, I do better.
So, if I ever use the wrong pronoun with you, correct me, and I promise to try to do better.
If I get any of this wrong, my apologies. If you disagree with anything I say, that’s cool, too.
This is all just my opinion.
By the way, my pronouns are he/him, she/her, was/were. It honestly depends on the time of day.
In drag, I prefer to be called she/her. Out of drag, he/him/she/her — but I don’t care about the words so much as the intent. If I am in drag and someone calls me “he,” which straight men do a lot, I correct them. If they are calling me “he” to be rude … that’s when I obliterate them.
As queens, we call just about everyone she/her. It is just the way we talk. Rarely is it ever intended to be disrespectful.
Most people don’t care, but on the rare occasion that someone corrects me, I change the way I speak to them. I admit, if I feel comfortable around you, I start nearly every sentence with “Biiitch,” and I feminize your pronouns. I am not calling anyone a bitch or intending to be disrespectful, it is just the way I talk.
For example, “Biiiittttcccchhhh, did you hear about Miss Thing? She done lost her damn mind ….”
I get way too comfortable way too easily.
While pronouns are not that important to me, I do understand why they are important to many of you, especially to my trans friends. Misgendering a trans person is such a hateful form of disrespect.
If you misgender someone intentionally, you are an asshole. That is not an opinion; that is a fact.
Unfortunately, given our current political climate, the assholes are out and about in full force.
Another divisive topic: People who are nonbinary.
I hear so many people lose their shit when someone says that they are nonbinary and that their pronouns are “they/them.” I admit that I haven’t always understood what being nonbinary means, but I am glad that is an option for people today. If using the term nonbinary to describe oneself was around when I was in my 20s, I for sure would have used it.
When I was about 24 years old, I thought briefly about transitioning. I always felt different; I was always unintentionally feminine. Once I found drag and how powerful it made me feel, I saw that as a sign that maybe I was supposed to be a woman.
I knew so many of my fellow performers who were getting silicone injections to change their bodies. I myself even saved up a large chunk of change to get some work done — not by a professional but by a stranger who was a friend of a friend. She would come to your house and inject something that looked like Mop-N-Glow into your face, ass, hips or wherever else you wanted it.
On the day I was going to have something done, I went to a friend’s apartment where the Pumper Lady was set up. There were about five other queens there getting something done.
Luckily, I was running late so I wasn’t first, because after watching one of my frenemies get her ass and hips done, I was out.
I wanted to get my butt done, but once I saw how much it seemed to hurt, and once I noticed the fact that the person doing the pumping looked less than sanitary — like 10 shades of homeless — I suddenly didn’t care if I had a fat ass.
I still dream of having an ass. Of not wearing a belt because my fat ass would hold my pants up. Of twerking and actually having movement back there instead of looking like Tina Belcher with a back spasm. Of only needing hip pads instead of the 4-piece jigsaw body I have now.
I wanna make it clap! But noooooo! Not me! I suffer from that white boy disease: Noassatall!
All jokes aside, I am thankful that I didn’t get anything done that day. I know so many people for whom getting “work” done by a non-professional has been their biggest regret. Getting backroom silicone has led many to have health problems, and, for some, it has taken many surgeries to correct.
Please don’t do it.
I honestly believe that there are many queens who have transitioned and then regret jumping right into altering their bodies. I know of a few who got boobs because they felt that was what they were supposed to do. There are a few who have admitted that they are drag queens with tits, and they regret moving so fast to change their bodies.
I am so thankful that I came to terms with being me. Whatever that means.
That is why the option of being nonbinary is so important, especially for young queens who haven’t quite figured out who they are. For some, being nonbinary is an umbrella of protection against having to decide anything right now.
A few years ago, there was a young, kinda-full-of-herself-but-gorgeous drag queen who decided she wanted to transition and live as a woman full time. I don’t remember her age exactly, but she was under 21.
She immediately started a GoFundMe, asking for money so she could get breast implants.
Her parents told her that if she saw a therapist, they would help fund her transition. They wanted to make sure that transitioning was actually what she wanted. She bitched and complained, but eventually relented.
The vain little drag queen was in the therapist’s office all of 15 minutes. The therapist asked her one question: “Would you still want to be a woman if you were not beautiful?”
Her answer was an immediate NO!
That one question put so much into perspective for them. She doesn’t do drag anymore but is happy using they/them as their pronouns. Yes, I still called them “her,” but once a drag queen, always a drag queen.
Using someone’s preferred pronouns costs you nothing and takes so little effort. But it can literally save lives. We all want to be seen and heard by others the way we see and hear ourselves.
So don’t be a dick. And if you can’t remember someone’s pronouns, use “y’all!” It works for everybody.
Y’all hava happy holiday!
Remember to always love more, bitch less and be fabulous! XOXO, Cassie Nova