Hey gays (and the 10 to 12 straighties that read this): I hope you are all geared up for this fabulous fall season. More importantly, are you ready for Halloween? It’s on a Friday this year so you have no excuse to not go hard and be whatever slutty version of your favorite character.
Y’all get so creative. Last year, I saw a slutty Edgar Allan Poe. Well, it might have been just a creepy guy in hot pants with a mustache, bad hair cut and a big forehead. Either way — You go boy!
I actually haven’t finished my costume yet. I still have a lot of work to do on it, and I hope it all comes together. If it does, it will be fabulous. If it doesn’t … Well, it will be tragic. I will give you a hint about what my costume will be: I might be mistaken for the Rock. Come out to the block party to see if your guess is right.
This is a random thought, but have you ever noticed that the older you get, the faster time seems to go by? Maybe if I worked at a 9-to-5 and hated my job, the days would go by slower. But every day I look at the clock and think, “Damn! It’s something o’clock already!”
Or, “Oh shit! It’s almost November already!” Or, “Fuck! It’s almost 2026!”
Father time must work out or maybe he is on Adderall.
Okay. Now, back to Halloween.
Every year I get asked by a bunch of homos if I will help them do drag for the first time. Halloween is the birthdate of so many drag queens. And every year I say, “Hell no.” I gotta worry about getting myself ready!
But I will offer you little wannabes some advice.
- First and foremost, commit. You betta not look like you are making fun of my profession. Be as self-sufficient as possible, because for many of you that secretly have wanted to drag forever, Halloween will be just the beginning. You will find all kinds of reasons to get in drag again. It is addictive.
- Do not buy your wig from Party City, which should be easy since, I think, they all closed down. We have 50 million wig stores in DFW, and you’d be surprised at the quality and selection they usually have in stock.
- If you know what style of wig you want but can’t find it exactly, get something close to what you want and style it yourself. Or ask your hairdresser friend. I know you know at least 15 hairdressers. One is probably your best friend and is your best and worst influence.
Trust what they have to say because they know their shit. They rarely lie to you, but if they do lie, they all have a tell: If their voice goes up an octave when they answer a question, they are lying. If they smile with their mouth but not their eyes, they are lying or trying to find a way to tell you they hate it — whatever it is. - Give yourself double the time you think you will need to get ready. You don’t wanna feel rushed because that can ruin your entire night. That gives you time to experiment or fix a problem with your face, costume or hair. If you don’t know how to do something, go to YouTube. There are videos to teach you to style wigs, do makeup, make hip pads — anything and everything.
- When it comes to makeup, remember: You are a dude, and the old saying “Covergirl don’t cover boy” is true. If you have dark hair and your five-o’clock shadow shows up at noon, invest in Dermablend or tattoo cover.
I use Dermablend Leg & Body Makeup. It works as a good foundation and once set it with powder, it ain’t going anywhere. If you are a heavy sweater, make sure to carry a powder puff to dab the sweat away. Dab! Do not swipe! Otherwise you will fuck your face up with streaks and smears. - Remember: More is better. Go darker with your eyes and contour. You are doing drag, goddammit, not going to the grocery store. Exaggerate everything. Wear huge lashes, over-draw your lips and throw ass. Throw ass all night long, because if you do it right, someone is always looking at you. (Honestly, if you do it wrong, even more people will be looking at you.)
- Remember that confidence is key. You put a lot of work into your look, so own it. Push them titties forward and hold your big ol’ head high. Make sure you pin or glue that wig down. You do not wanna be that poor bitch that loses her hair and never gets it back on correctly.
- Bring a purse so you can have a pair of flats with you at all times. Do not put your heels on until you get to where you are going. Nothing will ruin your night faster than foot pain. I know you wanna look fish, but trust me, if your feet hurt, you will have those shoes off after two cocktails. You do not wanna be that bitch that has to hold on to counters and walls to get anywhere, walking like a sad little newborn giraffe.
- And the most important piece of advice I can give a first timer drag queen is: Prepare for the after. Make sure you have a good makeup remover, baby wipes and a moisturizer. Coconut oil works perfectly for me. It takes off waterproof mascara and eye liner. Rub it in good and wipe it off with a baby wipe. Really scrub it around your eyes so you don’t look like a racoon the next day when the pizza delivery guy stops by, because more than likely you will not wanna leave the house the day after. You will be sore and possibly hung over, but it will be worth it. There is nothing like your first time.
Good luck, stay safe and — most importantly — have a fucking blast. It ain’t that serious; it’s just drag.
Remember to always love more, bitch less and be fabulous! XOXO, Cassie Nova