Thankful I never questioned my gayness

Hello beautiful people. Today as I sit here scrolling Facebook, checking some of the news websites and basically wasting way too much time, I have come to realize how lucky I am to have never questioned my sexuality or who I am. From the time I understood what being gay was, I knew I was a homo. It just became a fact in my head and in my heart.

By now you all have heard about the Kansas City Chiefs kicker, Harrison Butker, and his antiquated beliefs. The speech he gave at a Catholic college was very well received by some straight, white guys and probably Marjorie Taylor Groon (you know, the Bleach Blonde, Bad Built, Butch Body “lady”). But I think the rest of the normal people in America were probably somewhat offended by his speech. To sum up his speech: Women should focus on being wives and mothers; Pride and gays are bad, and Biden is the devil.

Since his speech has gotten so much attention, there are a number of people calling out his hypocrisy, especially his anti-gay bullshit. Apparently, more than a few people have alluded to him hooking up with guys in college. Don’t they know that is where we do most of our recruitment?!

It wouldn’t be the first time a closeted gay has thrown themselves into religion and hardcore heterosexuality to hide their true selves. They act like they are so offended by all things gay to try to throw you off the fact that, deep down, they are a basic cum-guzzling bottom bitch.

Of course this is all speculation. But that is why I have been thinking about how lucky I am to have never questioned my sexuality.

Oh, and have you seen his Instagram? Only a gay man could put together some of his high fashion fabulous looks! And not a single picture of his wife? Paalease! He must have used Gorilla Glue on his closet door or just welded it shut.

It is actually pretty sad. I hope, if he is a closet case, that one day he finds peace with his gayness. But until then, I hope he gets punched in the face by a bunch by random women on the street.

Religion really has messed with so many people. The first guy I ever had sex with is now a Bible-beating, loud, unhappy man. Part of me thinks that he is such an extremist about preaching against all things gay because deep down he still has those urges. He says things like, “Hate the sin but love the sinner,” then goes on the long rants about gay Pride and trans rights. Our community sure does take up a lot of his thoughts.

I will file that under “Things that make you go hmmm!”

Sadly, I know of a few drag entertainers that have questioned their own sexuality because of religion. Years ago, there was an incredible entertainer that burned all of her drag because, she said, he had found Jesus! Quit her fairly well-established drag career and went “straight.”

That lifestyle did not last for her. She was back to doing drag a few years later, but by then she had burned a bunch of bridges, and her career suffered. I’m not sure whatever happened to her; she just kind of faded away into oblivion. I like to think she is somewhere, happy and loved, and that she found acceptance within herself.

More recently, we lost another performer to “getting right with the Lord.” This person, who was — briefly — legally married to a man, walked away from the life and name she had built here in Dallas. Rumor is — and that is all it is for now, just rumors, but I have heard it from many of our shared friends — that she, well, I guess I should say he now, quit doing drag, cut almost all ties with our community and has moved on to be a straight man. He got a woman pregnant and will soon be getting married to her.

“She” always seemed unhappy, so hopefully “he” will find whatever it is he was looking for. I wish him the best, but it breaks my heart to think that he will never find happiness by storing away his true self, whatever that is. Maybe for him, being gay really was just a phase, like my mom told me it was when I was 16 or 17. If it was just a phase for him, that would be the first time I have ever heard that to be true.

Wavering between being straight and being gay must be horrifying. I know most of us are on a sexual spectrum, but those of us on the far gay side of it have it easier in some ways. I never questioned being gay myself, but I did fight it. It was a losing battle. I was gay, and it was never a difficult decision for me to accept that.

Being bisexual sounds so much more difficult to me. Would I have fought to hide half of my sexual identity just to be “normal?” How many bisexual people have never acted on their true feelings just to fit in? I know there are a million stories for every scenario.

Thinking about all of the different sexual identities is brain-busting: Pansexual, asexual, bisexual, genderfluid — and the list goes on. I’m glad that there are so many categories that let however you feel help you to feel like you are not the only one. There is no better feeling than finding your people and feeling accepted.

I just hate that so many times religion can make a person question who they are. It makes me sad that people use God as a way to scare or guilt a person into never finding happiness. Sure, they feel “saved,” but at what cost?

Remember to always love more, bitch less and be fabulous! XOXO, Cassie Nova