Hey howdy beautiful people. I am in a fabulous mood today, but I’m still gonna bitch a little bit.
A few weekends ago, I go out onstage and do my little opening monologue. I banter with the people sitting in the front near the stage, but something just felt off. I tell a few of my go-to jokes and make some quick-witted, slightly off-color “jokes” that usually kill.
But on this particular night, no matter what I said, I got crickets. The people sitting near the stage were not having me at all. The audience members I can actually see seem to be smelling shit — arms crossed, scrunched-up nose with a literal look of disdain on their faces.
I get it, I am not everyone’s cuppa tea. But I do this thing where, if I am not making them laugh, I just keep fucking trying.
I don’t know what is wrong with me. I guess I am thinking, “Oh this next joke will get them!”
And on occasion it works, and when I finally win them over it’s the best feeling ever.
But sometimes it just does not fucking work. And I tend to make it worse.
If I get a disapproving shake of the head from someone sitting up front because of a vulgar joke, the next joke is going to be even more vulgar. If I get an eye roll and a frown because I said something mean, then bitch! My next comment is causing damage to your soul.
I don’t understand these people — and, if I am being honest, it is usually a group of straight girls that want me to make the show about them. But when I make the show about them by making them the butt of the jokes, they get stank faced.
I think the people that get there early to get the seats next to the stage don’t give a fuck about the show or our entertainers. They just want attention — attention the way they want it. And if it ain’t making a big deal about their friend that is about to get married or acting like their birthday is national holiday, they get big mad.
Yes, I will do birthday shout-outs, and I will congratulate a bride-to-be — especially for money (I am a whore that way. Twenty dollaz is twenty dollaz.)
But some nights I just wanna joke around and have fun … uninterrupted.
I wanna enjoy my time onstage, but making these rude, entitled folks that have never been to a gay bar and will most likely not come back until the next bachelorette party feel important just sucks life out of me.
The actual fans of the show — the ones that come to see drag and appreciate what we do — are there, too. They’re sitting further back, laughing and having fun. But most nights that isn’t who we see from the stage. We see the straight woo-hoo girls or the straight guys that were forced to come to the gay bar and are hating every second of being there.
On that night, I just couldn’t win them over. And it took me way too long to just say, “Fuck it,” and move on.
I honestly thought it was just me they were stank-facing, but many of them looked at every one of the girls in the show like a poop-filled diaper. The high energy dancing queens? Stank face. The sultry diva oozing sex appeal? Stank face. New music, old school music, illusions — it didn’t fucking matter. Stank face.
I just don’t get it. Get up and leave. Go home. Hell, fucking draw a smile on your face with a Sharpie! Do something! Or if not, sit your ass in the back of the room so we don’t have to see your obvious disgust for us.
The worst part of all of it was that it was just as bad the next night. It gets in your head and makes you rethink every life choice you have ever made — if you dwell on it. Apparently that weekend I was in a cave, cuz I was dwelling.
To be clear, it wasn’t a terrible weekend. The show was great and every performer killed it. A majority of those in the audience were laughing and having a great time.
Unfortunately, my dumb ass sometimes can’t see past the ugly up front to see the beauty a little further back.
Thank God for the Monday night Freakshow after a weekend of feeling unfunny and unlikeable. We had a great crowd that laughed at all of my jokes and truly paid attention to the show. It was a complete mental reset, and I left that night feeling seen and understood.
There is nothing like being in a room full of people that just get you, dark humor, vulgar jokes and all.
So here’s to all of the people that go to the shows with an open heart and a positive attitude, y’all that love drag and show it. You beautiful fuckers that can take a joke as well as you can take a dick. All of you resilient souls that get made fun of and still tip with a smile.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I fucking love you! You are what makes our community so great. You are appreciated! I hope you have a fucking fabulous day!
Remember to always love more, bitch less and be fucking fabulous! XOXO, Cassie Nova