Good day beautiful people. I’ve recently had a few conversations with a couple of very different people about community, and it has been on my mind a lot. So I thought I would share it with y’all.
Our little — well, not so little — gay community is kind of awesome. I don’t think that gets said enough. We all tend to be pretty negative when we talk about just about any and everything.
I admit it: I am guilty as fuck of being a Debbie Downer a lot of the time. But for me, it’s easier to be funny and make jokes when I am bitching about something. It’s like my default is an eye roll and an “Ewww David!”
But the truth is, I love good news and hearing about my friends and community winning at life.
Two weeks ago, I was talking to a lesbian at the bar in the Rose Room. She was telling me that she suffers from depression, and, when she is having a bad week, she comes out to the shows. She told me it recharges her batteries and keeps her from spiraling.
That was honestly one of the biggest compliments I have ever heard about our shows.
She told me that she wasn’t out at her job or with her family, and just being around “her people” really helps her mentally. I told her I hope one day she can come out to everyone and live her life openly. She said she does, too, “But until then, I have this,” as she stretched out her arms referring to the Rose Room.
That made me feel warm in my heart area.
Then a week or so later, I got a message from a guy that dated a trans friend of mine. He was new to our community but had a wonderful observation I wanted to share with you. He said:
“I’ve been trying to put my finger on something since I first experienced going to y’all’s shows. It was kind of floating just out of my reach. And I think it finally dawned on me tonight while watching a documentary called Join or Die, about the book Bowling Alone. It’s a subject I cover in some of my lectures and writing sometimes, but I hadn’t made the connection to what I was witnessing at y’all’s shows til tonight. And I think it’s something really marvelous, Cassie.
“The book laments how American society saw a decline in participation at clubs, fraternities, civic groups, poetry nights, churches, etc. And then it dives into stats to show this lack of participation in local interest groups has DIRECTLY caused a decline in our society overall.
As I was learning the gay community and observing the shows, I kept having this feeling of ‘This isn’t happening anywhere else.’
“At first, I thought I was just thinking about gay folks having a space to be joyful and that it made me really glad. But I could also tell there was something else. Y’all still have the magic that everyone else lost, Cassie — The Queens with their mothers and daughters. The inner lingo. The social rules. The understanding of us vs. not-us. The pulling together for good causes (like when you were raising money for that school).
“There is this whole conversation happening at Harvard and all over about our democracy failing because people aren’t participating in clubs and interest groups anymore. But gay folks are pushing right along. Every fucking night. Y’all are in there, despite whatever lame-ass homophobic bullshit happened at work that day or on the news or from your shitty family member.
“You go into your club, your adopted family, your place of belonging, and you’re building a fucking society. Everyone else is depressed and miserable and have nothing to belong to.
Y’all got your thing. This is probably also driving the peculiar animosity that straights have towards drag queens, especially. You’re the queen of what the rest of society forgot how to do: Belong. Participate. Do stuff together. And it’s fucking cool. The rest of society would be so much more healthy if they’d follow the model of the gay community.
“Thanks, Robert”
I totally agree with him. He said it much more eloquently than I ever could, but it is exactly the point I am trying to make.
Our community is special. Sometimes it feels fractured and clickish, but, at the end of the day, we show up for each other when we need to. Even if it is just being out when someone needs to be around “their people” for comfort and a mental recharge.
To piggy-back off of what Robert said: Join a club; go out to a drag show; participate in something. We have so many amazing sports ball team things. DIVA for volleyball, PSSA for softball, Pride Sports Dallas for kickball, dodgeball, cornhole and more.
Even if it is just meeting up with friends and going to Wine Walk, do something. Be around “your people,” and be the example the straight people need us to be! FYI, you can watch the documentary Join or Die on Netflix. It’s really interesting, and thank you Robert for reminding me that what we have is special. It’s nice to feel seen.
Remember to always love more, bitch less and be fabulous! XOXO,
Cassie Nova