Tennessee, Texas and the anti-drag haters

Hey y’all. I woke up today feeling pissed off. Seeing all of this anti-drag/trans bullshit coming out of Tennessee and Arkansas has put me in an awful state of mind. How are we, as a country, taking so many steps backwards? I just don’t get it.

Actually, I do get it: They — and when I say they, I mean the Republicunts — are creating fake problems for the world to focus on instead of real issues that matter, like gun control.

There really is a simple solution to drag queens performing in front of kids: If you don’t want your kids to see, hear or think of a drag queen reading a story or performing for your kid, don’t take ’em to events where that is happening. Simple as that.

I have done a bunch of drag queen story times, and I can tell you that we put a lot of work into what we wear, what we say and how we act. I know the audience I am catering to. If you see me in a night club, performing for adults, you will get an adult themed show. My humor can be raunchy and rude. I take no prisoners. Hell, I offend myself sometimes.

But, if I am performing anywhere family-friendly, then I change everything. I put myself into fairy princess mode and cater to that audience. I will occasionally make a joke for the parents that I know the kids won’t get, but that is part of being a great entertainer, toot-toot.

I have loved doing the drag queen story time, but it comes with a lot of awfulness. My picture has been put on right wing websites where they called me a pedophile. They have posted my real name and where I live. It’s scary.

I posted a photo on Facebook of me wearing a big, curly orange wig that I felt I looked like Pennywise, and I captioned it, “Might lure some kids into the sewer later LOL.” They literally put that pic on the front page of their newsletter with the headline, “This drag queen wants to lure your kids into a sewer!”

I made the mistake of reading the comments. I couldn’t sleep for a week.

My heart truly breaks for every trans person and drag performer in Tennessee right now. I want them all to know that we stand with them, and we feel their pain. Unfortunately, this is Texas; I’m sure it is just a matter of time before they come for us, too. Well, my wig is my helmet, and my pads are my armor. Bring it bitch!

Since I am feeling a little bitchy, I thought I would tell you about something that happened a few weeks ago. I was contacted by a queen on Facebook by a profile with very limited information — new with no pics and a name like “Joe Smith.”

He said he wanted to start doing drag, and he INSISTED that I be his drag mother. He wanted me to make him some pads, let him borrow an outfit and wig and, of course, he wanted me to do his makeup. He kept saying that we were so much alike and that we were going to be best friends.

It was giving me Single White Female vibes.

First of all, if you know me at all, you know that none of that is happening. The quickest way to ensure that we will not be besties is to tell me we will be besties. I am all about encouraging up-and-coming drag queens, and I will give advice all day long. But if you think I am going to do everything for you — well, you must not know ’bout me.

Then he tells me that I should help him with his drag career because I don’t want to make him into an enemy. I was like, “Was that a threat?” He apologized and told me that he just wants me to be his drag mother so bad that he would do anything I asked of him — punctuated with a devil emoji.

It kept getting weirder and weirder. Mind you, there are no pics of him at all on his profile, and the profile was very new.

So, I am thinking that someone is fucking with me, so I decide to fuck back. I tell him that I will absolutely be his drag mother on one condition: I get to choose his drag name, and he has to go by that name only and forever.

He will forever be a Nova but only if he does drag under the name I choose.

Oooh, he got so excited! He said, “Yes Mommy! Name me!”

I told him that his name was going to be — wait for it — Lady Diarrhea Eggfart Nova.

He immediately blocked me without a response. I should have gotten screenshots when I had the chance.

Who knows, maybe Lady Diarrhea Eggfart Nova will show up at a show near you soon. I hope she’s pretty.

Remember to always love more, bitch less and be fabulous! XOXO, Cassie Nova.