Birthdays and prison pen pals
Sooooo, I turn 50 on Sunday, Feb. 27, and shit is getting real.
I woke up last Tuesday, and my vision is worse. No joke — like, overnight. I’ve always had fabulous vision, then a few years ago I needed readers.
No big deal. Today, things are blurry far away. It’s like my eyes said, “Happy birthday Bitch! You are gonna need to get glasses.”
Then on Thursday I get an envelope in the mail from the AARP. It’s like the entire world is saying, “Buckle up ho. You’z about to die of old age.”
In all seriousness, I don’t feel 50 — whatever that is supposed to feel like. Well, some days I feel 80. You know those days — where you’re just walking regularly and you hurt your ankle somehow. Or you turn your head just the slightest way, and your neck is sore for a few hours. No real reason for it other than your body reminding you it is in control of everything; make one false move and it will ruin you.
Of course, I know I should be taking better care of myself. It is a constant struggle to find motivation, stay motivated and make better choices. But I’z weak, Lord. Bad for ya foods are so good, and good for ya foods are so meh.
Good Lord! I sound like such a whiny baby! Enough of that. A few weeks ago, I was complaining about how I focus too much on the negative, so let me flip the script and start over. …
Oh my God, you guys! Sunday, I turn 50, and I couldn’t be more excited!
I am a hardworking, bad-ass, fabulous drag queen who is proud of the longevity I have experienced. I provide opportunities to my younger sisters and travel a path forged by some of my older sisters. The circle of life is a beautiful thing.
Fifty years old and I have the one thing I always wanted as a young person: Happiness. Plus, I have an incredible chosen family that is always looking out for me.
I was lucky enough to find my person and experience love. I fell in it, and now I live in it. Without it, without my Hart, I’m not sure I would ever have found true happiness.
I have a beautiful home that is full of life and laughter. Our dogs are goofy, funny and spoiled as fuck. They keep us smiling.
This “focusing on the positive” thing might not be as funny as being a Bitter Betty, but I think it is important to list the good stuff in your life, too.
And your birthday is as good a time as any to do it.
This next subject is going to take this in a completely different area:
Last night when I got to the dressing room, I had a letter waiting for me. It was from a guy in prison. He sent it to the Station 4 address. Now, I get letters every once in a while, sent to the club. Most of them are fan mail that are just nice little ego boosters.
I opened this letter, and the first sentence says his name and that he is incarcerated in the Texas Prison System. My first thought was, “Here we go with some weirdo wanting to talk to a chick with a dick.” But that is not what this was at all.
He just said he needed a friend and someone to talk to. He said he was sad and depressed and felt so alone.
That just kinda hurt me in my chest area. I’ve had friends that spent time in jail, and they always said that getting letters was the only thing they had to look forward to. I would send them random cards or letters to let them know I was thinking of them. I would also buy them magazine subscriptions so they would keep getting something in the mail.
With this guy, I don’t know anything about him. Is he writing me because I’m the only name he remembered from the one time he went to a gay bar? He describes himself as a 38-year-old gay man. I googled him and found him on a pen pal website that says he is straight. That makes this situation even sadder.
I am not sure what to do. I feel bad for him, but do I even open that door? This could be the beginning of a Dateline special. He said he is in jail for family violence; I honestly don’t need any of that kind of energy anywhere near me. But this is weighing on my heart and mind.
He also asks that if I decline his offer to write him, could I please pass the letter off to someone who will. So, any takers? I think the safest way is through the PenAcon website.
I’m not sure what to do about this one; anybody have any advice? I watch too many movies, and my imagination goes crazy thinking about this.
Should I be a beacon of light for this dark soul, or am I shining a spotlight on myself for a predator? Am I overthinking this? Will the new Batman movie be any good?
So many questions. I will keep y’all posted.
Remember to always love more, bitch less and be fabulous! XOXO, Cassie Nova
