The Valentine’s Day conundrum
Hello pretty people. It is Valentine’s Day, one of the most divisive days of the year. Either you have a Valentine and are annoyed by the forced show of love, or you are annoyed by the fact that you don’t have a Valentine.
Actually, I guess it’s not that divisive. Valentine’s Day is annoying.
I hate to sound so anti-V.D., but the truth is, the only time most people “love” Valentine’s Day is when you are newly in love.
When love is fresh, and you are in the giddy, tingly, butterflies-in-the stomach phase, you look for any reason to tell your love how much you love them. You can’t wait to buy all of the corny cards, stuffed animals, balloons, candy and flowers.
You also hope you get that special treatment and feel a little pang of sadness if you don’t — no matter how corny it feels.
Don’t get me wrong — I have had some wonderful Valentine’s Days with all of the feels and romance. But I have also been in a relationship for 22 years. I would rather get the Valentine’s Day treatment on any other day of the year.
Make me feel special in May or November. I don’t want all the gifts and goodies because you feel pressured or reminded to do it because you see it everywhere. To me, it takes away the specialness if everyone else is feeling special too.
It is a Catch-22; I also don’t want to feel left out. I do like flowers and candy. I don’t want to be a homo with FOMO ….
The more I type this out, the stupider I feel. Valentine’s Day sucks. But also, I want to feel special. Valentine’s Day is such a commercial money-making scam, yet I want the corny gifts and to be reminded that I am loved.
I am a hypocritical oxymoron.
I know I don’t ever wanna celebrate Valentine’s Day on actual Valentine’s Day. Restaurants are ridiculously busy, and there are too many people everywhere.
I guess one reason I don’t wanna do “romantical” things on Valentine’s Day is because we have a date night, usually, once a week. We do dinner and a movie, just the two of us, all the time.
Yet a random hug, hand-holding or “session” can feel like a complete couples’ reset. If I am feeling a little disconnected from my husband or feel like we are drifting apart, a little game of hide the pickle can snap us back to each other. It’s like some invisible tether shortens and helps us feel more “coupley.” (I know that is not a word, but you get what I am saying.)
After being with someone for as long as we have been together, it can feel a little stagnant sometimes. You can get on each other’s nerves like nobody else in this world can.
We can get snippy with each other for no good reason. We get mad at each other and have the same arguments over and over. We both bite our lips a lot to keep from saying something hurtful or something that will only make any situation worse.
We both do a look-away-eye-roll that we think the other doesn’t see, but we see it. Actually, we more hear it. Yes, sometimes the eye roll is so fierce, it can be heard.
We can tell how annoyed the other is with just a breath. The speed and deepness of an inhale/exhale can be so telling.
But on the other side of that, he makes everything better. He will touch the small of my back, and my blood pressure and stress level will drop. He will let me vent about stupid stuff, so I don’t take that bullshit out into the real world.
He shows his love in surprisingly meaningful ways — from changing the air filter on my truck to waking up early on a Sunday morning to do yard work. We kiss goodbye when one of us leaves, and we kiss goodnight when we go to bed. And we say “I love you” with every one of those kisses.
One thing that means the most to me and makes me feel incredibly loved is just having him on my side. I feel supported in every aspect of my life. The best part of being a couple is knowing someone always has your back.
He isn’t just a “yes man” either. He calls me out of my shit and does a great job of putting things into perspective for me. He calms me down but also lets me blow up when I need to.
Nothing seems impossible when you have undeniable support from someone you love.
I know how lucky I am, and I do not take any of it for granite — or for granted, either. I love being an “us” and a “we.” I love being a couple. I love my husband.
So, Happy Valentine’s Day Jamie! I hope you feel as special as you make me feel.
Do not feel obligated to get me anything for this ridiculous, over-priced, commercial holiday … unless you want to. I’d hate to keep you from an opportunity to make me feel special and, in turn, make you feel special.
But only if you want to.
Remember to always love more, bitch less and be fabulous! XOXO, Cassie Nova