Toyota 4Runner faces off against Chevy Blazer
SUVs come in two forms: Those built to tackle rough roads and others that look the part, but are just tall cars beneath their beefy attire. One is pretty butch and the other is mostly femme. Taking us to the club today are the chiseled Toyota 4Runner and glitzy Chevrolet Blazer. The one you choose to marry is nobody’s business but your own.
— Casey Williams
Species
4Runner: A proper SUV with truck-based underpinnings and the ability to do trucky stuff if you like doing trucky stuff.
Blazer: A carlike crossover, sharing architecture with the GMC Acadia and Cadillac XT5, that is much happier doing roadwork than yardwork.
Birthdate
4Runner: 1984, when boys liked boys and girls bought Blazers.
Blazer: 1968, when boys were Scouts and girls stayed home to bake cookies.
Power trip
4Runner: It’s best throttled via an available 270 horsepower V6 and 5-speed automatic transmission with enough grunt to slog over hill and dale (if that’s your kink).
Blazer: It offers an efficient 193 horsepower four-cylinder or peppy 308 horsepower V6 with a 9-speed automatic to kick it down the road — and it likes to be kicked down the road.
Celebrity alter ego
4Runner: Bruce Lee: A total ninja that can be suave one moment and kick a mountain of ass the next.
Blazer: Jane Fonda. She’s had a couple of facelifts and looks incredible for her age, but the only ass she’ll kick is the one between her and her plastic surgeon.
Drag name
4Runner: Hunky Trailblazer, because it is, and it can.
Blazer: Hey, bitch, that’s my daddy’s name.
Boulder busting
4Runner: Sure, if you strap on the skid plates. I can get it on!
Blazer: Just get me a damned martini and let me lay by the pool looking good. Maybe I’ll go for a run later.
What it eats for lunch
4Runner: Polaris side-by-side ATVs with a side of mud. Munch down your prey before slapping it silly.
Blazer: Smart cars with a side of Chanel No. 5. Eat a light snack before flaunting your sachet.
Hidden faces
4Runner: Hidden deep in the mesh grille of TRD editions is a black square. It’s not a beauty mark, but the radar unit for adaptive cruise and crash avoidance systems.
Blazer: Those squinty lights beside the grille that look like headlamps? They’re not; headlamps are placed in pods below.
Sports attire
4Runner: Get it in TRD Pro trim for slinging rocks or Nightshade Special Edition to sport out the streets.
Blazer: Its athletic side shines through the youthful RS edition, looking most suave with red paint, black wheels and red air vent bezels inside.
Fuel economy
4Runner: 17/21-MPG city/hwy. It may look like a mid-weight, but it guzzles gas like a Texas Cadillac.
Blazer: Up to 22/27-MPG city/hwy. She’d be better if she broke 30 on the highway, but at least you can afford to keep her.
Flickin’ stickers
4Runner: Sign the line for a loan of at least $35,110, a fair price for a living legend.
Blazer: She starts at $28,800, but you’ll spend over 50 large to put on a full face.
