Kimberly Kantor, top left, Lorie Burch, and their three daughters. (Photo courtesy Kimberly Kantor)

As Kimberly Kantor drove to her doctor’s appointment to begin treatment for receiving an embryo, we spoke about growing her family

DAVID TAFFET | Senior Staff Writer
taffet@dallasvoice.com

I spoke to Lorie Burch and Kimberly Kantor as Kantor was on her way to a doctor’s appointment preparing to have another child.

Burch is a well known attorney in the LGBTQ community in North Texas who ran for Congress several years ago and Kantor founded Rainbow Roundup. Together the couple has one child together and two that they’re co-parenting with Kantor’s ex.

Asked for details on the IVF procedure that Kantor hopes will get her pregnant, both said they rely on their doctor to guide them each step of the way. But they were taking that first step this week with a check-up to make sure Kantor was in good health.

Kantor said she’d probably get an ultrasound to check for polyps and to see if there was “anything of concern” before getting her body ready to implant the fertilized egg.

The fertilized egg that will be used was harvested from Burch several years ago and is the only viable potential embryo left. The other was used successfully several years ago and Adlee was born.

Kantor said she expected some shots to regulate her cycle for several months before the embryo is implanted.

As she drove to her doctor’s appointment, the conversation turned to blended families. Both women agreed, theirs worked well.

“I’m their wicked stepmother,” Burch said, joking about her relationship with their two older daughters. They share parenting with Kantor’s ex and her ex’s new wife.

But for their blended family to be successful, Burch said the focus is on the girls.

“And we’re supportive of their other mom,” she said.

“From the git go, I always wanted to do what was best for the girls,” Kantor said.

Burch said she first met Kantor’s ex at an event for their oldest daughter. That made the meeting less awkward because the day was about their daughter, not about them.

“I was nervous,” Burch admits about the meeting. “But the kids already liked me.”

And from the beginning, they all decided to make it work.

Burch said she has the freedom to independently guide each girl with the encouragement and appreciation of Kantor’s ex.

She described her first meeting with the two girls who were 5 and 10 years old at the time. For the older one, she made a big card with a word puzzle game in it. The answer to it was told her how much she liked her. For the younger one, she got stickers. She said she connected with both of them quickly.

“I’ve gotten to a great place with my ex,” Kantor said and the two couples have even planned a date night together. They’re planning to go to the interactive 3D Van Gogh exhibit this fall. “It takes time to get to that point, though,” she explained.

“I like to help set boundaries and an example is asking the oldest about a curfew,” Burch said.

But she’s only helping provide structure and said she never hears, “You’re not my mom.”

This blended family works and it’s pretty seamless between the two homes that are about 30 minutes apart.

Sometimes someone forgets something they need at the other house. With the oldest now driving, things are a little easier, but sometimes they meet halfway. Everyone makes sure it works.

Because of the age difference between Adlee and her older sisters, the couple wanted another sibling for her closer in age.

Burch said she hopes this next try is successful.

“I haven’t spent my adult life raising kids,” she said. But now she seems to be enjoying every minute of it.

Asked where someone should start if they’re thinking about having kids, Kantor said, “Start with your spouse.”

Have an honest discussion to make sure you’re both ready and have similar expectations.

“I’ve always sought medical advice,” Kantor said. “Make sure you have the best medical advice and do what’s best for you.”

She said beginning with an exam will help ensure the most successful opportunity.

Then she said to rely on your instincts.

“Do what feels right for you,” she said.

And while she said there are some incredible doctors in the area, make sure to choose someone LGBT-friendly.

“Because it’s not cheap,” Burch said.

Kantor said her first experience wasn’t the best. She founded Rainbow Roundup as a result to find LGBT-friendly service providers.

Today, Rainbow Roundup provides so much more than just an exchange of information for parents. The group has started in-person events again. In May, about 100 members visited the Dallas Zoo together. Since then they’ve had an afternoon together at Hawaiian Falls waterpark in Mansfield and an evening at the drive-in.

Kantor explained why these events are so important to the kids who participate.

“Our kids need to see families like theirs,” she said.

She said it was so important for their children to have a safe space and a respite from what they regularly encounter.

“Our kids have to come out every day,” she said.

The latest group Rainbow Roundup is working with are teens who identify as LGBTQ. Kantor said they’re meeting with events in different areas even beyond the four largest North Texas counties.

Burch said she started her law practice to benefit the LGBTQ community. As an estate planning and probate attorney, she works with lots of families to make sure they receive equal legal treatment as any family.

“I want my two-year-old to know her family is as valuable as any other family,” she said.

And as we finished speaking, Kantor was pulling into her doctor’s parking garage for her appointment to begin her treatment before implanting the embryo. She walked to the office and checked in. And Burch joined her wife for the appointment via Facetime.