Does your girlfriend never shut up? Or are you just a tactless partner?
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Dear Jen,
I know I’m probably not the first one to complain about this, but my girlfriend wants to talk about our relationship way more than I do. We are both women, and I know women are famous for being loquacious, but I feel like I somehow escaped the stereotype while she got enough of the gabs for both of us.
I really love her, and feel communication is vital, but do we have to talk about it all the time, everyday? Is there anything I can do?
Talked Out
Dear Talked,
I’m so glad you wrote in, because this is a topic that’s made me want to bang my head against the wall in silent desperation. What is it with emotional windbags? Do they get a nickel and a cookie every time they talk about their feelings? Don’t they realize that you have to have experiences first in order to have something to talk about later? And why are they always so good in bed?
You are correct, women are famous for it. And believe me, they’ve earned their reputation. But as someone’s who’s dated several guys who could make the processiest of processors look like the tongueless wonder, I must report that the gab gene goes both ways.
I once had a boyfriend who was so out of control that I had to demand we only talk about our relationship on Fridays. All other times, any mention of the words “us,” “feel” or “needs” was met with a finger in the face and a sharp “up!” But from midnight on Thursday to midnight on Friday, one could find me yellow and deflated, clinging to the sides of buildings with exhaustion.
He eventually took up flower arranging and sneaking around in my clothes, which leads me to believe that, as we’ve suspected all along, it’s all estrogen’s fault.
Just as my deep hatred of musical theater could be blamed on testosterone, we all have varying levels of boy juice and girl juice in us. But I’d take a guy who loves to skip any day over some dude you need an ice pick and a hammer to get a decent conversation out of.
What can we do to get some sleep around here? Get her to go to therapy so she has someone else to spew to. Suggest she keep a journal. Tell her about Feelings Fridays. Make sure she’s taking her meds. Dump her for someone who isn’t so needy. That’s all I can think of.
Oh, and make sure you aren’t being a closed-off lughead: We choose everyone for a reason. Maybe you need to open up more than you realize.
Jen Sincero lives in the Silverlake area of Los Angeles. She’s a syndicated columnist and the author of “Don’t Sleep with Your Drummer” (MTV Books) and “The Straight Girls Guide to Sleeping with Chicks” (Fireside).
www.JenSincero.com.
E-mail: advice@jensincero.com
FINALLY, A WELL-WRITTEN BIBLE
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Created by a porn ministry called the XXXchurch, “Jesus Loves Porn Stars” (535 pp., $8.99) has been making headlines since April, when the paperback edition of the New Testament was ready for the presses.
The “’70s-styled cover should lure the Urban Outfitters crowd. But the title and the campy purple-and-yellow illustration got the project temporarily shelved when the American Bible Society refused to print the neo-gospel and cancelled the pre-paid order.
What a shame. Because the text is surprisingly well-composed, written in contemporary English and seems biblically astute. In a quick examination of the anti-gay “clobber passages,” it seems the translations of “Jesus Love Porn Stars” gets to the point without bigotry or anger. Eventually, XXXchurch found another publisher, and copies became available last month.
That doesn’t mean the message is without a moral compass. While the title evokes an inclusive and compassionate vibe, there are some salient points about not thoughtlessly abusing the wonderful gifts sex or your body.
Daniel A. Kusner
Available at wwwXXXchurch.com
This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition, July 28, 2006.