Our age-old PR problem resurfaced yet again at NorthPark last week, but community seems more willing than ever to condemn practice
If there was ever a problem that most everyone in the LGBT community wishes would simply disappear, it’s got to be the one of men engaging in sexual activity in public places and getting arrested for it.
This embarrassing public relations dilemma has dogged gay rights leaders for the last 40 years — virtually the entirety of the modern U.S. gay rights movement. In some cases, the arrests even involved gay rights leaders themselves, compounding the problem for a community that is seeking acceptance from mainstream America.
It is a problem that has particularly distressed lesbians, who generally don’t participate in public sexual activity but nonetheless share in the embarrassment when men are arrested for solicitation, indecent exposure and public lewdness. Lesbian leaders have often found themselves over the years working with police representatives and other public officials in an effort to solve a problem to which they really don’t contribute.
In the words of Deb Elder, the former president of the Dallas Gay and Lesbian Alliance who met with police officials and gay male leaders about public sexual activity in Reverchon Park many years ago, "That’s a guy problem."
And indeed it is, but gay male leaders have been unable to find an effective solution, either. No amount of dire warnings about the high risks of the behavior seem to dissuade those who frequent well-known cruise spots in search of what appears to be the quick high they receive from anonymous sexual activity. At one point years ago, a task force of gay volunteers was formed to go into Dallas city parks and attempt to disrupt sexual activity.
City leaders, including some of those who have been our strongest allies, thought that perhaps posting the names and pictures of men arrested for misdemeanor sex crimes on the Dallas Police Department Web site would help deter the activity. So far three years of postings — which is apparently unique to Dallas — have not been all that successful of a deterrent. And some of the pictures posted on the Web site have shocked Dallas’ LGBT community.
The recent arrests of four men for indecent exposure at NorthPark Center restrooms illustrate my point. Ever since NorthPark opened in the 1960s, men have been using the restrooms there as cruise spots, and the vice squad has been arresting them for the activity. And of course the media, including Dallas Voice, report these arrests when the vice squad publicizes a sting operation or one of the arrests involves a prominent person.
It really doesn’t matter what you blame the LGBT community’s public relations problem on — sex addiction, closeted men, overzealous or dishonest police officers, insensitive journalists or whatever — it’s a burden that every gay and lesbian person carries. Whenever our enemies need ammunition, this is one of the weapons readily available for their use.
As a journalist specializing in the coverage of gay issues for at least 15 years, I’ve repeatedly written about the dangers that are inherent in illicit sexual behavior — legal problems, financial loss, disease, public humiliation and even violence at the hands of anonymous sexual partners.
My examinations of unsolved murders of gay men in Dallas-Fort Worth several years ago revealed that police and friends of some of the victims suspected they came into contact with their killers after going to public parks to search for sexual partners. Homicide detectives told me these are among the most difficult crimes to solve because victims don’t know their killers, who can simply walk away from crime scenes into oblivion.
After years of covering this issue, the only improvement I see at this point is that people seem more willing to discuss the subject and to speak out against public sexual activity. A recent posting on Dallas Voice’s blog, Instant Tea, about the NorthPark arrests attracted about 50 responses in the Comments section over several days. It was one of the most intense discussions I’ve ever seen on Instant Tea.
My greatest hope now is that our community is evolving and that public sexual activity will eventually become passé. It is understandable how it came to be in the first place. Gay men didn’t have the wide variety of meeting places they do today, and the public scorned the sight of two men sharing time together in public or private, something lesbians often escaped.
Attitudes and habits do change, and I’m hoping now that it’s just a matter of time before this problem disappears or at least diminishes to the point it is no longer making headlines.
The future of the LGBT community is in the hands of younger people, and I’m counting on them making wiser choices than previous generations of gay men did.
David Webb is a former Dallas Voice staff writer. He now lives on Cedar Creek Lake and publishes a blog at https://therarereporter.blogspot.com.
This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition August 7, 2009.
Very well said, David. Thanks for writing this column for us.
Thank you for your remarks, here are mine. I would only ask,”when was the last time you were at stright establishment for adults?” It is public lewidness much more open than any gay bar in Dallas. Prostitution is still on the streets and very open. Police enforcement has caused people to meet on the enternet to get the thrill of anouomous sex.
Hetro adults have public sex all the time(just not in a mall bathroom) and it is not treated as an lewed act.
When caught they are just told at any park or parking lot “to make a better judgement”. Rarely are they arrested and never put on the internet for all to shame. I would say to those who need the thrill of public sex to make a better judgement and ask “When will we have equality”. I would ask for a seperate restroom at the mall for just gay sex? We just have to laugh at ourselves sometimes,even if it not a laughing catrastrophy.
It’s always interesting to read articles by David Webb. I feel sorry for him, for he seems to be one of the most self-hating gay men I know. He words cry of someone who is ashamed of being gay. His continually heightens lesbians and transgender individuals at the cost of gay men.
First, yes, some gay men have sex in public. However, a lot are men who do not identify as gay men. This does not make it right. However, we overlook a key issue, and that is the issue of a man struggling with his sexuality.
Second, lesbian have public sex. I know because I have seen it and heard it from my lesbian friends.
The real issue comes down to enforcement, as bigmack stated. I have many heterosexual friends and visit many heterosexual nightclubs. A gay man can get arrested for indecent exposure. However, when was the last time you saw or heard of a female in a wet T-shirt contest or on Mardi Gras getting arrested? When was the last time you saw a drunk college guy getting arrested for taking a piss in public – while exposing himself?
I have friends who are police officers. I asked them one time. “Would you arrest a guy and a girl for having sex in the back of a car at a park or somewhere?” All of them said no. They would just tell them to take it somewhere else.
Face it – when was the last time Dallas Police set up an undercover operation at a heterosexual club to catch straight people having sex? Hell, I’ve even seen straight people having sex at a gay club. Want to see straight people having sex? Go to the parking garage of West Village late on a Friday or Saturday. You can usually find a guy with a lady face down in his lap.
Yes, public sex is a problem. However, it is a problem for all. Unfortunately, police have a tendency to target gay men more than others.
A.J.:
Now that’s funny and merits a reply. I’ve been accused of everything under the sun during my 25-year-career as a journalist, but that’s the first time anyone has ever tried to pin “self-hating gay man” on me. I’ve devoted a big portion of my career to human rights advocacy that encompasses people of all colors, religions, races and you name it in addition to gay men, lesbians, bisexuals and transgender people. You claim to “know” me, but you obviously do not. The only thing that I’m embarrassed about is inappropriate activity that tends to offset accomplishments in the struggle for equality.
A.J.
You don’t know David Webb at all. For example David recently took The Monitor, a Cedar Creek Lake area newspaper to task for omitting the ‘gay’ word in a local story that occurred in a gay bar. He wanted people to know that the community news story occurred in a gay bar and that the event was about our GLBT community existing in smaller communities too; he likes himself: https://therarereporter.blogspot.com/2009/08/monitor-story-about-friends-players.html
Though David is no longer a journalist working for an establishment newspaper, he does bring a refreshing perspective of news and views that advocates our GLBT community. And if you followed his blog, you would know that too.
I was at a straight bar recently and went in the men’s restroom to find a man screwing a woman. People walked in and out. This was a main stream, popular place. Would anyone have arrested them? Hardly.
A few points to raise to the following comments if I may:
“Lesbian leaders have often found themselves over the years working with police representatives and other public officials in an effort to solve a problem to which they really don’t contribute.”
and also
“…..lesbians, who generally don’t participate in public sexual activity”
and lastly
““That’s a guy problem.—
Oh really ??? When was the last time you “leaders” visited the Crossroads Market before it closed ?? I used to visit there often and every time I went there, I would see at least 2-3 lesbian couples who came in, would get the key to the rest room in the back, one would visit the restroom and the other would be secretly let in, they would have their 5 to 10 minutes worth of bliss and both would say their goodbyes and leave…………..
Or what about the “dildo parties” at local lesbian clubs ???
So Ms. Elder, I feel that your view that this is only “a guy problem” is rather biased and misinformed. Please get off your high horse that lesbians can do no wrong and realize that this is a community problem and no spicific faction of it is clean…….
I dont agree that David hates himself or is biased. I do however agree that the gay community is the only ones that have a bad stigma pertaining to public sex. I think enforcement should be pushed for ALL society not just gay men. I know for a fact that public sex happens in the hetero community as well. Accountability should be pushed by our elected officials, this will help soften the stigma of the gay community.
Great column and your take on public sex are spot on!
In trying to learn about the gay community and understand my son’s choices, it seems to be a fact that enforcement of the law against public lewdness is enforced only against gay men. The penalties are more severe than those for prostitution, obscenity, and indecent exposure. How is a man to come back from jail time, public humiliation, $4,000 fines plus mandatory expenses that double that amount? With that kind of draconian law against a touch of invitation, is he supposed to be grateful that he does not live in the Middle East?
I do not understand your defense of this law that criminalizes this action out of all proportion to the offense. Your dismissal of this painful situation as a PR embarrassment to self-satisfied, successful gays makes me even more fearful for my son.