Liz Dyer and her son, Nick
When Liz Dyer’s son came out to her, she struggled with her faith. The struggle made her faith and her allyship stronger
JAMES RUSSELL | Contributing Writer
jamesjourno@gmail.com
Liz Dyer wrote and taught Bible classes at her evangelical church, conveying her conservative church’s values. Then her son came out as gay. And, “It rocked my family’s and my church’s world,” the Fort Worth resident recalled.
When her son came out, she admitted, “I didn’t have a positive thing to say about being gay. My reaction was not supportive.”
She was, instead, afraid and confused. “I was afraid what this meant for us and him. I didn’t understand sexual orientation. I just knew something had to go wrong just to be gay, not be born that way. But I just wanted to be a good mother and support him,” she said.
Dyer said what she wanted was some biblical justification for feeling this way. So, she sought it. But, she said, “It didn’t take long to realize there’s nothing in the Bible about my son’s situation. There’s nothing in the Scripture addressing it.”
That revelation led her to down a road that included founding a Facebook group in 2014 for Mama Bears for parents with LGBTQ children. They got their name because female bears are defensive of their cubs.
The journey to building an organization of 38,000 supporters — who have testified at the Capitol, rallied for children and provided resources to each other — took a while.
Liz Dyer and the Mama Bears had a warning for Texas Gov. Greg Abbott.
Dyer said her “aha” moment came when, while scrolling the Internet, she found a post “about being nice to gay people.”
“I remember reading the comments. One gay commenter said, ‘I don’t want people to be nice to me.
If you don’t think I’m good or can’t accept my relationship, then just get out of my life,” — sprinkled with a few expletives,” she said.
“I thought, ‘If I was gay that would be my attitude. That’s the kind of person I am,’” she realized. “I told myself, that commenter was a better Christian than I am, and that I would be more open going forward.”
With research and conviction on her side, Dyer decided she would not only support her son, she would help other mothers support their LGBTQ kids, too.
But that “aha” moment was not Dyer’s first time taking a stand for something she believed.
“I’ve always sought justice,” she said. “I grew up in a tiny Louisiana town where racism was rampant. I can remember as a young girl feeling sick about it and knowing it wasn’t right.”
Despite that environment, Dyer said, even though her parents were never extra-progressive, they didn’t discriminate. “I didn’t grow up with a lot of negative attitudes about people different from me,” she said.
Still, when her son came out, Dyer grappled with her faith. As part of her ongoing research, she learned about affirming ministries for LGBTQ people. Confident enough in her faith and in her belief in LGBTQ equality, she said, she formally “came out” as affirming.
Social media was pivotal to Dyer’s journey to becoming a Mama Bear. She joined a Facebook group for parents of LGBTQ kids, “But those parents leaned more conservative,” she said.
So she created her own group, kicking off with about 150 moms and the thought that, “If it doesn’t work, I’ll shut it down.”
It only grew.
As for her faith journey, that took a different direction.
“It became pretty evident the church and denomination [I had been in] were not a good place for this journey,” she said. While fellow parishioners were not hostile, they were uncomfortable. So she and her family decided to leave that church, and “Now I have this community bigger than any ministry I’ve ever had. I love it. There’s no time to serve.
“One of the most shocking things was I ended up embracing is that being part of a local church is just one way to live out your faith,” Dyer continued. “There are advantages and disadvantages. I feel I connect with and reach more people not being connected to a church.”
The Mama Bears is now like a big ministry in and of itself. And the Mamas are everywhere.
Mama Bears show up at the Capitol in Austin. Dyer works with the Human Rights Campaign, PFLAG and the ACLU. She remembers having a sign during one of many rallies at the Capitol, this specific one coinciding with the release of a documentary about her group that premiered at this year’s South by Southwest. It was also when Abbott was equating gender affirming care as child abuse.
Dyer let the governor know that she and other LGBTQ allies and activists won’t back down. The sign read with “Greg Abbott, you’ve poked the wrong bears.”