From exterminating pests to keeping cool with your homo homies, Dallas’ drag royalty flaunt this season’s sizzling must-haves
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1.
Who needs a lawn boy?
When it comes to a lush, plush St. Augustine yard, Gloria Hole’s grass is always greener. That’s because twice a year, this She-DICK bandmember busts out her trusty Scotts LawnPro and tears open a bag of Bonus S Max to feed and weed her North Texas turf. In heels!
At the turn of a dial, Gloria’s rotary rate is set. She just squeezes the hand trigger and starts marching while a gorgeous shower of fertilizer pellets sprinkle over her fabulous lawn, killing fire ants and weeds.
Scotts LawnPro Spreader, $29.99; Bonus S Max 21.15 lb. bag, $25.99 Available at Elliott’s Hardware, 4901 Maple Ave. 214-634-9900.
2.
Getting zapped can be a drag
Mosquitoes can’t live with ’em. And it’s so satisfying to hear them get electrocuted.
Drag king Ian Patrik of the Dukes of Dallas knows a thing or two about shock value. Whenever he can’t stand pesky skeeters buzzing around his mohawk, Patrik plugs in the Stinger outdoor insect killer: First comes the alluring UV blue light, then 4,000 volts of electroclash obliteration. The special “NOsquito octenole lure” also attracts biting flies for medium-sized yard.
$28.88. Available at Elliott’s Hardware.
3.
What’s cooler than bein’ cool? Ice cold!
Girl, what’s red all over and can hold 53 cans of fizzy sarsaparilla? An Igloo Wheelie-Cool cooler, silly. And with the recessed lid cavity and real-axel, it’s perfect for the girl on the go.
Chase Wade Superstar knows that entertaining her homies during Dallas’ dog days is all about serving fierce and frosty libations. And to complete her Igloo ensemble, our andro-vixen has a matching thermos with an adjustable strap and a “Playmate” mini cooler with a push-button side release.
Iced coffee, iced tea or me?
Wheelie Cool combo, $39.96. Available at Elliott’s Hardware.
This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition, June 15, 2007.