mmm….Seann William Scott……Haggard is nowhere near as hot as Sean.
Micki
on February 1, 2009 at 2:55 pm
They say that confession is good for the soul, right?
My family and I were members of New Life Church for about six years. I have a set of boy-girl twins who are 17, a 15 yr old son, and another older son who graduated college recently who served an internship as a teenager at New Life Church. He’s working on getting into law school at either Harvard or Stanford right now..wow!
My kids and I have also been following the story on Ted Haggard becuase we knew him, his wife, and his children personally.
I am also a single Mom who is raising my kids without any support from my ex.
I am also a transsexual woman who left New Life Church in the early stages of my transition from male to female.
My losses during my transition cost me a six figue income, a business loss, loss of my home in Colorado Springs, a divorce, enduring homelessness, countless relationships with family and friends, and asking my children to endure the cultural stigma and dislocation of having a transsexual Mom.
I also lost my *faith,* thank God to a handful of great therapsists over the past decade. I needed to lose it, it was getting real icky and distorted (yeah, maybe even a little creepy.) What I learned in therapy was that I was using Christianity as a wall, using a set of moral laws constructed around a fragile ego to try to protect myself from all the unconscious content that I could not take ownership of about myself.
Before you are tempted to say, “Poor Micki and her kids,†there is more to the story that I have to share with you! (it just keeps getting better!)
Yes, while homeless I did go dumpster diving for aluminum cans to turn them in at the recycling center for enough money to make it to my 27th interview when I finally got hired.
I oversee the food pantry and hot meals programs for poeple living with HIV and AIDS at a vibrant LGBT Center in the US now, and have been doing that for the past six years. It’s not six figues, it’s non-profit, but…wow! I sure get a lot of love in day, and I’m real, and I am exactly who I needed to become.
Working there has been an integral part of me learning to tear down my walls and putting an end to the secret war I was fighting between my fragile ego and my unconscious.
There is no way words can express the joy, pleasure and gratitude that comes from being seen, loved, valued and respected as your real self. That’s the good stuff! Not some, not a little, but all good!
See, Ted and I shared a similar timeline, simlilar story lines, similar belief structures, similar family situations, and even geographical proximity for a number of years.
But he and I made different choices about how we were going to deal with our *issues.*
We both spent similar years in exile and endured a lot of loss. Both of our families have been hurt by what has happened, and by who we both are.
Now here’s the thing about this; watching this week unfold in the media hasn’t given me a lot of warm fuzzy feelings, or any smug self-satisfaction. Actually, it’s hurt a little and left me feeling sad.
Why?
Because my life has become so beautiful. My inner war with my transsexuality is over and I am tranquil and at peace with who I am. And that gives me the ability to find jewels that are richly meaningful in my loss and exile. It was the journey I needed to take to become who I am today, and I was transformed by that journey, as difficult as it may have felt a times.
I still have all sorts of inner work and growing up to do, but I know who I am.
In Church jargon, Christ came to put an end to the law. For his followers to construct some shallow new law around the teachings to protect their fragile egos from all the shadowy unconcious content within themselves seems like a severe violation of the work that was accomplished on the cross. For them to project that inner tension onto the world around them is some real sin. I feel very sad and ashamed that I did some of that, and I am sorry to anyone who may have been hurt by my being a part of New Life Church. Cleaning the inside of the cup can take some time, and the storylines of 66 different authors relating their experience of the phenomenal in their time and culture is the story of their own personal individuation processes between them and the divine. There are some real messes in there, not unlike our own. I hope there’s some forgiveness out there for my part in supporting some really hurtful ideas.
I am real, and that feels amazing. And I hope that Ted can say the same thing, if not now, perhaps some day?
He deserves all good too! I hope he’s is able to own some of that in his processes.
Anyway, that’s my storyline, and that’s all I’ve got.
Oh, Ted Haggard WISHES he looked that good!
mmm….Seann William Scott……Haggard is nowhere near as hot as Sean.
They say that confession is good for the soul, right?
My family and I were members of New Life Church for about six years. I have a set of boy-girl twins who are 17, a 15 yr old son, and another older son who graduated college recently who served an internship as a teenager at New Life Church. He’s working on getting into law school at either Harvard or Stanford right now..wow!
My kids and I have also been following the story on Ted Haggard becuase we knew him, his wife, and his children personally.
I am also a single Mom who is raising my kids without any support from my ex.
I am also a transsexual woman who left New Life Church in the early stages of my transition from male to female.
My losses during my transition cost me a six figue income, a business loss, loss of my home in Colorado Springs, a divorce, enduring homelessness, countless relationships with family and friends, and asking my children to endure the cultural stigma and dislocation of having a transsexual Mom.
I also lost my *faith,* thank God to a handful of great therapsists over the past decade. I needed to lose it, it was getting real icky and distorted (yeah, maybe even a little creepy.) What I learned in therapy was that I was using Christianity as a wall, using a set of moral laws constructed around a fragile ego to try to protect myself from all the unconscious content that I could not take ownership of about myself.
Before you are tempted to say, “Poor Micki and her kids,†there is more to the story that I have to share with you! (it just keeps getting better!)
Yes, while homeless I did go dumpster diving for aluminum cans to turn them in at the recycling center for enough money to make it to my 27th interview when I finally got hired.
I oversee the food pantry and hot meals programs for poeple living with HIV and AIDS at a vibrant LGBT Center in the US now, and have been doing that for the past six years. It’s not six figues, it’s non-profit, but…wow! I sure get a lot of love in day, and I’m real, and I am exactly who I needed to become.
Working there has been an integral part of me learning to tear down my walls and putting an end to the secret war I was fighting between my fragile ego and my unconscious.
There is no way words can express the joy, pleasure and gratitude that comes from being seen, loved, valued and respected as your real self. That’s the good stuff! Not some, not a little, but all good!
See, Ted and I shared a similar timeline, simlilar story lines, similar belief structures, similar family situations, and even geographical proximity for a number of years.
But he and I made different choices about how we were going to deal with our *issues.*
We both spent similar years in exile and endured a lot of loss. Both of our families have been hurt by what has happened, and by who we both are.
Now here’s the thing about this; watching this week unfold in the media hasn’t given me a lot of warm fuzzy feelings, or any smug self-satisfaction. Actually, it’s hurt a little and left me feeling sad.
Why?
Because my life has become so beautiful. My inner war with my transsexuality is over and I am tranquil and at peace with who I am. And that gives me the ability to find jewels that are richly meaningful in my loss and exile. It was the journey I needed to take to become who I am today, and I was transformed by that journey, as difficult as it may have felt a times.
I still have all sorts of inner work and growing up to do, but I know who I am.
In Church jargon, Christ came to put an end to the law. For his followers to construct some shallow new law around the teachings to protect their fragile egos from all the shadowy unconcious content within themselves seems like a severe violation of the work that was accomplished on the cross. For them to project that inner tension onto the world around them is some real sin. I feel very sad and ashamed that I did some of that, and I am sorry to anyone who may have been hurt by my being a part of New Life Church. Cleaning the inside of the cup can take some time, and the storylines of 66 different authors relating their experience of the phenomenal in their time and culture is the story of their own personal individuation processes between them and the divine. There are some real messes in there, not unlike our own. I hope there’s some forgiveness out there for my part in supporting some really hurtful ideas.
I am real, and that feels amazing. And I hope that Ted can say the same thing, if not now, perhaps some day?
He deserves all good too! I hope he’s is able to own some of that in his processes.
Anyway, that’s my storyline, and that’s all I’ve got.