Rory Sean Thacker

Family, friends of a murdered gay man say they won’t give up until his killer is found

CAROLINE SAVOIE | Contributing Writer
CaroSavoWrites@gmail.com

On Dec. 5, 2023, 46-year-old Dallas gay man Rory Sean Thacker was found strangled to death in his East Dallas home, according to his sister, Holly Kimbrell. Kimbrell, her husband and Thacker’s neighbor found his body and his dogs, who weren’t harmed. There weren’t any signs of forced entry at the home, but Thacker’s car, phone and bank cards were all missing.

While his car, a 2015 Hyundai Santa Fe, was recovered in early May, his phone still has not been found, Kimbrell said. Kimbrell said the car was found abandoned in Pleasant Grove less than 10 miles from his home.

Chris Youmans, Thacker’s friend of 19 years and twice partner, said he was flying back from Chicago when he got a text from Thacker’s mom asking if he’d heard from Thacker. She said he was supposed to be at his family’s ranch on Tuesday, Dec. 5. When he didn’t show up, Youmans suggested the police do a welfare check. Thacker’s sister, brother-in-law and neighbor used a key to get into his home.

Kimbrell said that she found him at 9:30 p.m. on Dec. 5, lying on the floor of his bedroom with his hands and feet bound. She said EMS told her he had likely died 24 to 48 hours before he was found. Kimbrell said footage from his Ring doorbell camera shows his car pulling out of his driveway at 3:30 a.m. on Dec. 4, after police believe he was killed.

When Kimbrell was checking her brother’s mail after his death, she said she noticed credit card charges from Dec. 4 and 5 totaling $5,100. She said she believes those charges happened after his death.

Rory Thacker with his French bulldog Bertie

Youmans said he had been “supposed to fly to Dallas on the 11th to see Rory. Instead, I flew there early to speak with the police about his murder. We were all shocked.”

Youmans, who noted that Thacker had returned on Nov. 28 from a trip to Portugal, said he couldn’t find any reports of Thacker’s death online from either law enforcement or news sources for several weeks following the murder. “In fact,” he added, “barring a memorial post initiated by the crematorium, it would be well into the new year before information contained in the medical examiner’s autopsy report supported a change in Rory’s homicide classification from ‘unexplained death’ to one definitively caused by ‘homicidal violence.’”

Youmans added that when he talked to Dallas Police Detective Joshua Romero, Romero was very receptive to his input, and they had an interview that lasted about an hour.

“I know the police need time to do their jobs,” Youmans said. “I feel confident that at some point this is going to break.”

He said Thacker’s family has tried to get a copy of the autopsy report from the Dallas medical examiner’s office, but to no avail, as the investigation is active. He said in late February, Dallas police released limited details regarding the investigation. In early March, several news agencies picked up the story, and they interviewed Thacker’s sister to get the word out.

“In a way, I’m glad I found him, because at least I have some answers about how he died,” Holly Kimbrell said of her brother “At least we found him in his home, and he wasn’t missing. We don’t have to wonder where he is.”

Youmans — who took Thacker’s dogs JuJuBe, Bertie and Malik into his care in Seattle — said he believes Thacker’s death was a hate crime.

“I suspect this wasn’t just foul play, but also a hate crime committed on a member of our community,” he said. “I fear that the more time that passes without an arrest may inevitably be moving Rory’s investigation toward the cold case files. I hope that this wasn’t a hate crime, because I would hate to think that he suffered.”

Youmans said since strangulation is a “pretty personal way to kill someone,” he wonders if the perpetrator knew Thacker.

“I can’t think of anyone who would want to hurt Rory, but I didn’t know everyone he was hanging out with at the time,” he said. “But somebody out there knows something.”

Two of Thacker’s other friends, Jay Bogaards and Jennifer White, agreed that Thacker’s murder was probably a hate crime. Thacker’s friends and family also said they believe his presence on Sniffies, a map-based app for gay men to find each other, could have played a part in his death.

“Because of the way he was found, I think he was set up,” Bogaards said. “That app he was on was super sketchy.”

White, who planned Thacker’s celebration of life, agreed: “I feel like it would be very easy to set him up through that app,” she said.

But police don’t believe his death was a hate crime, Kimbrell said.

White, who was watching Thacker’s dogs while he was in Portugal, said what hurts the most is thinking about all the plans they’d made together. “We had so much left to do,” she said. “We weren’t done.”

She said when a mutual friend told her about Thacker’s death, she kept repeating “no” over and over again. “I was and have been so confused and angry and sad and frustrated,” White said. “How could this happen? Who would do this?”

Thacker, who Youmans said grew up on a cattle ranch in Hunt County, was cremated after the ME finished his autopsy, and more than 70 people attended Rory’s Celebration of Life on Saturday, March 30, in Dallas, Youmans said.

“He was a loved, respected member of the community who was wildly passionate about animals,” Youmans said. “He had dogs, tortoises and birds that were all rehomed after his death. I can feel his presence through his animals. He was an extremely special human being.”

Thacker’s memorial website is filled with anecdotes from people he impacted. One person calls him “a master of smiles and animals.” Another said, “Rory was one of the gentlest and sweetest spirits I have ever met.”

Bogaards, a gay Houston resident who connected deeply with Thacker when they both lived in the Oak Lawn area, said some of his best years and memories were spent with Thacker.

“We were both recently out of graduate school in similar fields, and clicked immediately,” his post reads. “From our late nights on the dance floor to deep conversations about life, he was always there with a smile on his face. He was caring and personable, and you always knew he would have your back and speak the truth, if you liked it or not.”

He said they both loved Madonna and followed her tour together. During Thacker’s celebration of life, he said Madonna was in Dallas for a show. “He would love that so much,” Bogaards said. “Rory had many different interests, like meditation and drum circles and, of course, Madonna. He had a passion for so many things.”

Bogaards said he has to compartmentalize to get through his grief, but one positive thing that’s come from this has been reconnecting with his and Thacker’s friend group from when they were in their 20s. “The core group of friends hadn’t seen each other in years, and this brought them back together. They’re coming to my house in June for Pride,” Bogaards said.

He said Thacker was representative of the positive side of people. “He was authentic instead of being who anyone wanted him to be. When gay men are worried about what everything looks like, Rory took the walls down. He was a real person with flaws and allowed us to be real around him,” Bogaards said.

Youmans said he wants to get the word out and bring Thacker’s killer to justice. White echoed his sentiment, saying that whoever who hurt her friend must be found.
“It’s infuriating to know that someone could come and take his life, Youmans said. “It’s senseless, and we hope we can get some justice. I was a basket case three months ago, just crying randomly. After five months, we’re more like trying to make sure this case stays in the light.

“I love him more than I can say,” Youmans added. “I have to have all the hope in the world. There’s got to be answers out there, and Rory deserves for us to get them.”
Kimbrell said she’s on a mission to ensure police stay on her brother’s case. “I am doing this out of pure love and justice for my brother,” she said. “I have nothing to gain and nothing to lose. DPD needs to be held accountable.”

White shed tears as she held onto the owl pendant around her neck. “Owls were his spirit animals,” she said. “I wear it to remind me he’s with me all the time. I can still feel him.”

Anyone with information is asked to contact the Dallas Police Department by calling 214-671-4226 or emailing joshua.romero@dallaspolice.gov. They should refer to case No. 216536-2023.