Gay dads develop website to help families just like them
Who knew the lack of a uterus would be such an issue?
When new gay dads Brian Rosenberg and Ferd van Gameren turned to the Internet to connect with other gay dads — or just find information about the unique perspective of their family portrait — everything they found was one “For Moms, By Moms” endorsement after another. And while having some mommy-tested-and-approved cred definitely has merit, it didn’t address their needs directly.
But rather than bemoan the lack of gay-dad blogs, they came up with their own; last month, their newest baby, GayswithKids.com, was born.
It may seem like a huge undertaking for parents already keeping up with an adopted five-year-old boy and nearly-four-year-old twin girls from a surrogate, but it was an important part of their journey as fathers. Gay fathers, specifically.
“As soon as we became dads to Levi, we turned to the Internet to try and connect with other gay dads. We were very surprised to find no resources available,” says Rosenberg.
“Some of the very names of the stores we shopped in were clearly targeting moms, with names like Moms to Be… and More, and From Bump to Baby.”
“That’s when Brian first came up with the concept of creating a community for gay dads,” van Gameren says. “But we were busy with being first-time dads and then we had our girls, so it’s only been in the past year that we finally had time to move forward on this concept.”
And the decision to focus exclusively on issues of gay fathers rather than all LGBT parents made the most sense.
“First, we’re gay dads so that’s what we know,” Rosenberg says. “Second, the concept of parenthood for lesbians is hardly new; they have been giving birth and raising children for a long time, so many resources offline and online are already available for them.”
The content users discover on GayswithKids.com is diverse, too.
“It’s truly an incredible mix,” Rosenberg says. “We’ve now got about 15 gay dad bloggers, a community that is growing in size each week, and they contribute a lot of great content about their everyday experiences. In addition, we have award-winning journalists, longtime writers and even those just starting their careers working with us.
Sometimes they approach us with content ideas, and sometimes we approach them.”
They offer original content covering issues of interest and importance to gay dads, much of which is not often covered by the mainstream media.
“For instance, our ‘Positively Dads’ article talks about medical advances that can make biological fatherhood a reality for HIV-positive gay men,” van Gameren says. “We also want to be sure to cover all aspects of how gay men become dads, whether through relationships with women, co-parenting, foster care, adoption or surrogacy.”
Both van Gameren and Rosenberg contribute content, including providing their take on current events and headline-making news.
“We also offer lighter fare: articles about gay fashion and style, where to take the kids on vacation,” van Gameren says. “We publish fun recipes, how to throw parties with a gay theme, and how to host a spectacular dinner party, with or without kids.”
Fiction, children’s stories and original artwork can or will be found on the site, too.
According to Rosenberg, response has been overwhelmingly positive from gay dads and gay men in general across the globe, especially North America, Europe and Australia.
“One thing that surprised us,” he says, “is feedback we’ve received from a couple of moms whose high school kids have recently come out of the closet. The moms wanted to thank us for being such great role models and for showing them, their husbands, and their newly-identified gay sons what life can hold in store.”
Even though the site would still be considered a newborn in the baby world, they already have big plans for its future. For now, they’re keeping the specifics under wraps, but offered details on their newest feature.
“‘Gay Family Showcase’ allows gay dads anywhere to quickly upload their own family picture to our carousel.” Rosenberg says. “We hope to become the world’s largest album of gay families — we believe there’s strength in numbers!”
Connecting with a like-minded community is important, too, because for most gay dads, it’s like coming out all over again.
“We don’t think of our lives as facing challenges, but there are certainly parenting issues that are unique to gay dads, especially gay-dad couples. For instance, we have both been out of the closet for many years, but now that we’re dads, we often find ourselves having to come out often — at the kids’ schools, doctors, parents of playmates, etc.,” van Gameren says.
“Like any parents, we need to show by example that we are good and caring people and are happy with ourselves. This way our children will be happy about themselves, so they are prepared to handle that their family is different from many of their classmates and friends.”
And to all the gay dads out there, and those who hope to become fathers in the future, van Gameren offers up one final bit of support.
“Know that you’re not alone. There are many, many of us and our numbers grow each day. We hope you find Gays With Kids to be a tremendous resource.”
No vagina required.
— Steven Lindsey
This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition July 25, 2014.