Mount Everett

For plus-sized alt-cabaret queen Bridget Everett, size does matter

There’s no denying that almost everyone who takes a first glance at Bridget Everett will find their eyes drifting down. Gay, straight, male, female — no one can resist Everett’s tits.
And she is quite glad about it.
Decidedly bra-less, Everett is a feminist of a different kind. She’s not standing up for all that Jezebel.com touts about every day, and she doesn’t try to be the plus-size icon that burdens actress Melissa McCarthy.
No, Everett’s feminism is about being honest and brash about one thing: wanting dick. And naturally, that’s endeared her to a legion of gay fans during her tenure performing in New York City.
Now she takes her act on the road, including her first-ever stop in Dallas; she’ll perform at Sons of Hermann Hall at the end of the month. But first, she discussed her expectations for her inaugural Dallas experience and advice on how to get a mouthful.

— Rich Lopez

Dallas Voice: Can we start with the important stuff? I listened to your 2013 album Pound It, but mostly the song (and the video) “What I Gotta Do?” So, per your vocals, what does one have to do to get that dick in their mouth because my m.o. is not working.  Bridget Everett: Of course! Well, some Chap Stick, a little bit of charm and a great attitude … or just wait around until last call.

Noted. Thanks! So how did you decide to put Dallas on your tour?   Don’t they say everything is bigger in Texas? That seems like reason enough to me.

They do say that.  I’m gonna stay until I can confirm that, by the way. That shouldn’t be hard!

Is that your one main expectation of Dallas?  That, and my buddy Murray Hill told me the audiences in Dallas were on fire. So I’m expecting a great night.

Yes, they can be flaming. After listening to your songs and watching your material on YouTube, I think you might be more of a gay man, than many gay men. How did you harness your gay appeal?  Easy. I’m just singing about the one thing I know we can all relate to.

Very true. You’re act is described as alt-cabaret. How do you define that label and how is your show different than standup?  I think you could say my show is definitely off the rails. Sort of like punk rock meets standup meets cabaret — only with money notes and great tits — and no bra. Most standups wear a bra and don’t have money notes.

Are you not a fan of brassieres?  The first thing most women do when they get home is take off their bra. I want the environment at my shows to be just like we’re in someone’s home, getting drunk around the piano and some wild woman has the mike.

I’m gonna quote from no less than The New York Times here: “Ms. Everett’s sizable proportions, are, after all, central to her shtick, the sort of down-and-dirty patter that big girls can get away with and Kate Moss types rarely do.” Why do you think that is and is it even a fair statement?  That’s a good question. You know, nobody wants to hear Kate Moss talking about trying to get dick because we all know she gets plenty of very pretty dick. I’m not saying I don’t get dick, but when a big girl with low riding titties talks about hitting a dry spell, it’s probably easier to relate.

Preach! You were also quoted in NYT that your performance is “driven by love, but not sexual love.” Can you elaborate?  It’s driven by my love of singing and my love of the audience and probably a need for just love. Nothing feels better to me than a great night of singing, making friends with the audiences and watching people let go. I really do love that.

So what do you address in your shows?  Tits, chardonnay, fluffy kitties, motherhood, sex, bottoming out (all meanings) and of course, love.

Of course. Now what can your Dallas audiences and potential new fans expect from your show?  That we’ll all get pregnant.

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition February 20, 2015.