Jenny Block addresses: Is liking butch girls at odds with lesbianism?
“If you like women, then why do you date women who look like or dress like men? Why be attracted to such masculine-of-center girls when you like, well, girls?”
I hear that question all of the time. The first few times, I didn’t quite have an answer ready — I suppose because it took me awhile to figure out why I did like a particular genre of girl. And then I realized something: There is no reasonable answer because it’s an inane question.
No one would ever ask a straight person the companion question. “Hey, sir, how can you dig a woman who is a CEO? If you want to be with a man, be with a man.”
“Pardon me, ma’am, why are you with a man with long hair who is so sensitive and actually wants to stay home with the kids? You might as well have married a woman.”
Sounds crazy when you look at it that way, doesn’t it?
The woman I am currently dating — and the two women I dated before her — all leaned toward the masculine-of-center on the butch-o-meter. Why? Because that’s what I like. It’s not that complicated at all, really. It doesn’t mean I actually prefer men — I don’t. It doesn’t mean I’m bisexual — I’m not. It doesn’t mean I got hurt, abused or damaged by men and “resort” to same-sex attraction. I’ve recovered. It doesn’t mean I miss or want the D or just haven’t had the “right” one. Trust me on this.
It means I like women in blazers. I like power lesbians. I like women who like a woman like me on their arm.
It means I just like being the only one wearing a dress. It means a killer pair of Oxfords and a button down make me weak in the knees. It means I am a sucker for having the door opened for me and flowers sent to me and that nothing will make me melt quicker than a woman who can lead me across the dancefloor.
And my experience has been that women with those traits are what we have come to define as masculine-of-center for no reason other than that, traditionally, those chivalrous traits have been more commonly found in men. But those traits are just that — traits. They are not gender.
Men and women are different in so many ways. Much of that has to do with socialization, the majority of which is not helpful in the least. I love women because I love women. I love their bodies and their minds and their spirits. I love whatever that thing is — that essential center that defies definition.
Here’s the thing. We love who we love. We desire who we desire. Asking why is as unhelpful as it is hopeless. Attraction is something we’ll likely never be able to truly understand. It just is. So if you feel inclined to ask why a girl might want a girl who sometimes gets called sir, consider this: Love and desire defy explanation. The magic is in the lack of ability to comprehend or explain.
Besides, it’s none of our business who someone else digs.
All I know is what I know. And when my girl puts her hand on the small of my back and guides me to the center of the dance floor, her bow tie untied causally around her neck, her pocket square perfectly arranged, and her patent Prada’s shined to a glow, I know I’m right where I belong…
Jenny Block is the author of the new book O Wow! Discovering Your Ultimate Orgasm.
Have a question about sex you want Jenny to address? Email it to [email protected].
This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition February 12, 2016.