Butch vs. Femme

BMW M2 versus Honda Civic Coupe: Sexy or sensible?

CASEY WILLIAMS  | Auto Reviewer
What kind of car guy do you prefer: The one who drives a frugal little Japanese coupe … or the jock who muscles around in a high-powered German rocket? Fuel-efficient eco-friendly hot gay nerd … or devil-may-care carpe diem bad-boy? It’s the difference between hopping in the sack with a handsome gent ever so femme or the sexy hunk that can bench press your mother. Let me help with your quandary.
Family tree:
Civic: Trace my family back to the humble little CVCC hatchback. It may not have torn up the track, but it was the fuel economy champ. Since, we’ve sold by the millions.
M2: I’m a direct descendent of the 2002ti and super-power M3 — originators of the European sport coupe. We win championships and make little boys swoon.
Flashy colors:
Civic: Paint her up in hues like Energy Green Pearl or Crystal Black Pearl. The former sounds like an extra-terrestrial power source with the latter evoking a gorgeous drag queen.
M2: Alpine White is a bit Nellie, but Long Beach Blue Metallic conjures visions of 1960s Corvettes and Chevelles. Thump chests, add rumble, and slurp it up!
Packing power:
Civic: I’m too cool for the gym, but my 1.5-liter turbocharged 4-cylinder engine is good for 174 horsepower. And my continuously-variable transmission buzzes like an, um, WeedWacker.
M2: Please gurl, don’t be frontin’. I’m packin’ a 365 horsepower 3.0-liter turbocharged 6-cylinder engine. Grab hold and row my 6-speed manual transmission.
Fuel sippin’:
Civic: Sexier looks don’t mean thirstier engines, so enjoy 31/41-MPG city/hwy.
M2: I’m no sipper, but given my stride, 18/26-MPG city/hwy. is reason for pride.
Celebrity Doppelganger:
Civic: Taylor Swift without the guitar. It’s a nice date, but don’t think you’re getting any.
M2: Arnold Schwarzenegger with the cigar. It has muscles, attitude, and probably a few surprises on the side.
Looking pretty:
Civic: Admire its wide chrome prow, squinty LED headlamps, hulking air intakes, chiseled body with flared fenders and fastback roofline. Completely re-drawn, Civic moves from reliable date to hip playmate.
M2: Like a nightmare stripped naked, this baby Bimmer flaunts a twin-kidney grille, quad headlamps, faceted lower grilles and sculpted fenders to make a gym bunny envious. Check that hot rump with lip spoiler and quad pipes.
Political candidate:
Civic: Hillary. Little Miss Perfect may not be the fastest or most glamorous, but she’s steady and persistent.
M2: The Donald. That dumpster fire is often full of childish rumble, but in the right venue, can be an elegant host.
Dating ritual:
Civic: Invites you to McDonald’s, but you’re surprised to find it’s the McDonald’s on Wall Street with chandeliers, grand piano and a maître d’.
M2: Tempts you with that blue paint and luxurious interior, but tosses your cookies when the fun takes a turn for the wild side.
Fondled infotainment:
Civic: Swipe the floating screen in the dash for navigation, phone and 450 watts of premium audio. Apple CarPlay and Android Auto compatibility let you take it as you like it.
M2: If you want a piece of this, twirl the iDrive knob to conjure navigation and 12-speaker Harman/Kardon audio with a 360-watt amp. And bitch can even tell you which parallel parking spot to wedge your ass into.
Comparing stickers:
Civic: To get into this made-over, yet still frugal gerd, tap your account for at least $19,050 ($27,321 as tested).
M2: For a little rollercoaster that transforms from worldly sophisticate to full-throated club boy, you’ll need $51,700 ($52,250 as tested).