Who needs turkey for Thanksgiving when you can have beefcake like naturalized American Onus MacKenesey
Horn of Plenty
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Name and age: Onus MacKenesey, 27
Spotted at: Café Brazil on the Strip
Occupation (and preoccupation): This out Gemini works at his lesbian Aunt Margie’s car repair garage in the Bishop Arts district and plays guitar for his electro-pop band, Chicks with Dicks.
Philosophy: "Every single day is good to the last drop, so let’s live it up, love each other and do everything that we intend to do before this ride comes to a stop!"
Holiday plans: "I am not a holiday person per se, which is probably because I come from the former Soviet bloc, where America was evil and organized religion was considered the devil for a very long time," Onus says about his past holiday experiences. "Thankfully, my parents were able to smuggle me out when I was just a baby boy. Aunt Margie and her girlfriend, Kris, helped to raise me right here in the good ol’ USofA. I learned all about Thanksgiving from my American family, who all happened to be a bunch of lesbian chicks anyway."
Despite that, "I guess I’m pretty much 100 percent, red-blooded American as you can get," Onus says proudly, "so this Thanksgiving I’ll be doin’ it like any other day of the year: Gathering a group of guys around me and my ’67 Ford Bronco in the garage, stuffing my face with tons of meat and giving thanks for the luscious bounties with which I’ve been blessed. I do this every day, though. I hope and pray that all of my gay brethren do the same."
This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition November 20, 2009.