After Chely Wright announced she was a lesbian, I was annoyed when I heard some of the circumstances. On Joy Behar’s show on Wednesday, she talked about deciding to come out after having a loaded gun in her mouth.
To me, that’s not a role model. That’s someone who needs psychiatric care or should sue her parents and ministers for malpractice for putting her in that position.
I was also annoyed that her announcement coincided with the release of her first CD in five years.
But then I decided that maybe the message she delivers on Behar’s show is actually more helpful to many people than mine. Or maybe it’s at least a good counterbalance to mine. Certainly, more people who struggle because of family and religious issues will relate to her than they will to me. And hey, at least they were talking about the issue of religion driving the LGBT community to suicide on CNN.
Lance Bass was a “surprise guest” on Behar’s show and he talked about his coming out and how hard it was for him growing up in Mississippi.
Oh, wah, wah, wah.
I’m sorry but I don’t understand it. My family — not just my left-wing New York family, but my left-wing Alabama and Mississippi family as well — never thought twice about my being gay. The only time I get grief from them is if I don’t bring a date to a family event.
And yes, I have left-wing Jewish Alabama and Mississippi relatives.
But other people do have family and religious problems.
Wright claims she decided to come out when she had a gun in her mouth and she talks about her religious faith.
Well, she’s not the only religious gay person. And there are religions that don’t gay-bash out there.
In my family, I’m the religious one, so I always get called to the Torah at bar mitzvahs and bat mitzvahs since they know I’m the one who knows the Hebrew blessings. I get called to lead Kaddish at a funeral because, again, I’m the one who knows the prayer.
Funny how my family understands that sexual orientation has nothing to do with learning and chanting a few lines. They get it. Others don’t. I know, I’m lucky.
I had good gay role models as well. When I came out in 1973 (God, I’m old), my role models were professors and deans (yes, plural) at my school who came out in the 1930s, ’40s and ’50s.
My friend Jack, chairman of the French department at my school, worked in the translation and decoding department of the Army during World War II. That office was filled with gays then, just as it is filled with gays now. The difference is that the U.S. government had the sense not to throw them out then. Translation and decoding seem to be things the gays do well.
Joe, another role model, was a professor in the counseling department. He bought an old brownstone in Center Square in downtown Albany and we turned it into the first gay and lesbian community center in the country in 1974.
And my first partner Jon’s parents were one of 10 couples that attended a Parents of Gays meeting in Greenwich Village in 1975. Their little group expanded — with branches around the world — and it’s now called PFLAG.
So I wish Chely well. Sorry she had to go through all that in 2010. I didn’t go through any of that when I came out in 1973. Jack didn’t go through any of that in 1940. So when anyone tells me how hard it was to come out back then, my polite answer is that it would have been harder not to come out.
Sorry if I don’t sound more sympathetic or enthusiastic.
Hey David — everyone’s experience and journey is different.
Why don’t you cut her some slack?
Why is it that a lot of “out, loud and proud” gays think everyone should be as out, loud and proud as they are???
Wake up dude.
DFWMediaWatcher caught you sleeping at 1:24 PM?
Silly David, it’s no like she can change her religion. It’s not a choice, unlike sexual orientation…
This is one of the most insulting, self-centered, and cynical posts I’ve read on this site. And I 100% agree, I think a lot of people will find Cheryl or Lance’s story MUCH more helpful than this post. It sounds you are more jealous of the attention these two are getting and somehow feel it should be directed at you instead.
If only your role models taught you a thing or two about empathy or understanding that not everyone has left-wing family members scattered across the US or part of a tolerant religious community.
What is with all of this in-bitching?? Everyone always gets crucified when they come out of the closet!
Lance Bass, Ricky Martin – “Who didn’t see that coming?”
Chely Wright – “I don’t know why you think you had it hard!”
Everyone’s journey IS different. The story here is that she found peace by coming out after years of despair. That’s the story we should be focusing on for youth who are in the same position. Not your holier-than-thou-coming-out perspective.
Speaking as a gay person who was raised in a large and loving family in rural Southeast Texas, David, I have to say that you are WAY more lucky than you understand. Lots of us come from backgrounds where losing your family, losing your home, losing your job are much more likely than your coming out experiences. Some people truly do face losing their life — either at their own hands or someone else’s. I was lucky. I have an amazing family. But it still didn’t make it easy to be out in a place where people treat LGBT people like they are carrying an especially virulent form of the plague. Instead of putting down people — like Chely Wright — who finally managed to overcome the obstacles and the fear and come out, you should be counting your blessings. I’d be willing to bet that more people have stories like Chely Wright’s than like yours.
Oh, and by the way, I don’t think Chely Wright was thinking about boosting sales of her new COUNTRY/WESTERN album but telling the world she’s a lesbian. That’s not something that’s gonna win her a lot of fans in that genre.
I know some people get criticized for thinking they have it hard when they really didn’t. I’ve never read until now, “Quit your complaining, I had it easy!”
You should read David’s other article, “Back in my day we had jet packs.”
Wow. A homosexual comes out of the closet and is criticized not only by close-minded bigots, but also by fellow gays.
How are we to expect support for our cause, when we ourselves don’t even support our fellow brother and sisters in their own personal coming out process?
What a shame…
Oh, Wah. Wah. Wah.
Kidding.
That’s why I said, “But then I decided that maybe the message she delivers on Behar’s show is actually more helpful to many people than mine.”
I’m really just juxtaposing her story with mine. Polar opposites. I know that. And I know i went to one of the most liberal school in the country. And I appreciate my family for being so accepting. But then, I’m the conservative member of my family. The one who lives in Texas. My (straight) cousins live in Woodstock, West Hollywood, Boulder and New York City. Oh, and Montgomery, AL, and Jackson Miss.
I agree with Lynn, come down out of your ivory tower David! We should commend her for her courage, even if her revelation is perfectly timed with her album release…now let’s just hope she isn’t Dixie Chicked!
I agree, Mike. This is almost as self-centered and irrelevant as posting a picture of someone chainsawing a tree. Is there someone in charge of quality control for these posts?
Regardless of the circumstance, the more mos that exit the closet, the better for all of us.
We are everywhere. People need to accept the fact. And us.
OK, so it’s a Friday, not a big news day and I posted this to begin a discussion. Looks like we’ve got one. I understand that her experience is just not anything that I relate to.
But I think it’s unhealthy for young people to just hear stories of people who come out after pointing a gun to their mouths. That’s horrible.
I think it’s important for young people to know that some people come out when they realize they’re gay, were happy before and are happier after. I came out more than 30 years ago along with five of my high school friends with nothing negative happening. My role models were healthy, happy gay people who came out 30 years before me. And they knew gay people who were out before them.
Sorry if it sounds like an ivory tower. Or irrelevant. Lots of other stuff to read on the website. Agreed, Rusty – hope she isn’t Dixie Chicked. But I’m not the only one to mention the timing of her coming out coinciding with the release of her first album in five years. She’ll lose fans and gain many more. Few of us in the office knew exactly who she was before but we all do now.
She’ll end up on the lesbian singer/songwriter circuit or even better…LILITH FAIR!!! I’ve never heard of her and since I really don’t listen to country, don’t really care.
Wow. Because you’re having a “slow news day,” you decide to slam someone because they didn’t come out on the set of the “Brady Bunch” like you did? Do you kick your dog when you’re bored?
I should have known better when I saw the byline. Judging from your past posts, you have a lot of slow news days. Congratulations on drawing me in with yet another over-the-top headline when you actually have nothing to say worth reading.
By the way to Tammye Nash, aren’t you the editor of Dallas Voice? I’m over here because the link to this blog was posted on Twitter. Why are you all wasting our time with this stuff? I’m about to go unfollow. I’m really, really done with the sensational BS just to get hits to your website.
Nope. Not slamming. Just put something out there to discuss. And just saying how I wish her well, and really don’t relate to her story, but I know more people relate to her than to me.
I don’t think that someone who was about to blow her head off is a great role model. In fact, I think it’s a terrible role model. And I don’t think coming out because you have a new book and CD out is a good reason to applaud her.
On the other hand, if she came out and that resolved her problems, great. That’s something for people to hear. But I still hope she’s gotten some counseling. Someone who’s about to kill herself because her family and religion and profession screwed her for 30+ years isn’t suddenly OK.
And as far as Lance Bass’s wah wah wah I’m from Mississippi story on the video, there’s good and bad everywhere. The people I know from Mississippi are like the people I know from New York and Dallas.
@Linda: Yes, I am the editor. No, I don’t agree with David. Read posts and comments on this blog and you’ll find LOTS of things I don’t personally agree with. But the point of Instant Tea blog is not just to disseminate news but to provide a forum for different voices and different opinions. I’m not going to censor our staff or our readers because I don’t agree with them.
Tammye, you and I ALWAYS agree.
I can respect not practicing censorship. But when I can almost always predict ahead of time by byline alone – I call that poor journalism on the part of one particular writer. My opinion, I know, and usually I would just move on and chalk it up to a completely different outlook on life. But If I were a young person questioning my sexuality or dealing with an abusive family due to my sexual orientation, and stumbled across this article, I’d run screaming from the Dallas gay community and perhaps back into the closet, for life.
In this case I think Dallas Voice truly went too far and feel you all owe Chely Wright a retraction and an apology. She doesn’t deserve to be used and abused in this manner just to drum up discussion on a slow news day. And perhaps while you’re at it you could apologize to every other gay person out there who has struggled with family, religion, and profession during the coming out process. But I won’t hold my breath.
Again, I think you missed the point of my post. Especially from only the first few lines. If a gay kid were thinking all gay kids needed to kill themselves, that’s a horrible role model. If a gay kid gets from this that there’s a whole spectrum of experiences and you can have a great life, good. Wright’s experience and mine are opposites.
But if she came out to sell her book and CD, sorry.
Not sure what I did in the past to piss you off in the past so badly. Sorry. Everything’s by-lined and you can easily skip anything any one of us has written. But again, Instant Tea is a blog for news and opinion and discussion or any combination of those. I really meant this to be a post for discussion. I respect that you relate to her and not to my experience. I said in the original that I thought more gay people would. Maybe part of what bothers me is that my experience isn’t what’s normal.
David
Wow. I never expected this from you. I have to agree, your posting comes across as incredibly arrogant and unsympathetic. GLBT Youth have amazingly high suicide and drug usage rates and I know you know that. This person is taking a huge risk with her young career, such as it is. Name 3 other country artist who are out? The fact that you emerged from the womb to a supporting “left wing” family is great. A lot of us have a huge struggle and many of our kids aren’t making it through the mine fields.
So what if she came out when her album released. At least she’s making an announcement while it can impact her audience, unlike Sean Hayes and RIcky Martin whose careers are established with supporting fans.
I hope you don’t let this exchange just harden you to your opinion. I hope you’ll be open to examining why what you’ve posted is overly harsh and insensitive to troubles GLBT youth face.
David I finally do agree with you. She has more issues than her sexual preference, and not a good role model on coming out. I had a very positive experience and currently live in a small Texas city that has been very accepting. I have great conservative straight and and gay friends. She was promoting her cd by selling her story not real touching for this gay man.
“But then, I’m the conservative member of my family. The one who lives in Texas.”
Implying that living in Texas is a reason for being conservative is naive and may be a belief generated by watching too much CNN or FOX News. The state is moderate and the home to as many liberals as conservatives. Some of my friends have relatives like yours but others have told me horrible stories about conservative relatives who live in NYC. Your conservative outlook on life is not the fault of the state in which you live.
Incredible. You admit that you only wrote the piece to start a discussion. Discussion of what? Deliberately antagonistic journalism practices? If I wanted any part of that I’d watch Fox News. Your post is among the most arrogant I’ve ever read. Write what you want of course, I’ll be skippng your posts in the future.
I agree with Linda in that whenever I see a headline on a post before I read it and it looks “insulting, self-centered, and cynical” as Mike says, I’m almost certain the byline will be David Taffet. I’m pleased at the compassion showed by so many people who posted in response. Usually people let him slide. David, you’re happier now, since coming out? Lord, what were you like before???
It seems pretty clear to me that the “coming out” of this C&W singer is more about publicity. Look at who she hired to book her “mystery” coming out. Howard Bragman. The same man who represents Issaih Washington. The entire publicity stunt was a huge fail. This chick will throw the GLBTQ community under the bus as soon as her album bombs.
David Taffet has worked his ass off for the GLBTQ community and so many are willing to throw him under the bus because he thinks this chick may be a bit off. Really? I mean, really?
Maybe her being fucked up has nothing to do with her being gay. Maybe she is just another
media whore with issues. (I know…..yes, I can relate) It is so much easier to come out in this day and age than when David came out (in 1873 I think)
So Chely is here. And she is queer. Move on.
Cut Mr. Taffet some slack. He has done more for our community that Chely will ever do.
Anyone remember a chick named Anne Heche?
Well,David,I’m straight but would like to respond here.
If I were Gay or one of My Kids were coming out-I would want to hear from people who had all kinds of experienses doing that.
It must be incredably hard to just start the conversation.
I’m glad Yours was positive and Your family supported You,but realize alot do not.
Thank You for sharing this so more people like Myself who are honestly trying to understand about coming out and trying to be more sensitive to Our Gay Brothers and Sisters.
I just feel we all need to hear from everyone-both the good and the bad on this subject-please keep up the honesty-Elissa Bell-Bassett
@Jack – No one has said David hasn’t worked for the GLBT community, but his merit badges aren’t the subject of conversation. The discussion centers around his caustic comments about this young singer’s coming-out story. Many of us work for GLBT issues on a weekly, daily, hourly basis. This girl had issues to overcome and she shared her journey with the world. If another kid sees her as a role model, so be it. You never know when a GLBT youth is looking to you as a role model. Lots of GLBT youth attempt to harm themselves and this is a story that will resonate with lots of people. And as I said before I respect her for speaking out when she’s starting her career instead of years after her career has peeked (aka Sean Hayes & Ricky Martin).
I appreciated the honesty in your Post and comments David. She’s not a “role model” and this “coming out” isn’t courageous. But, as many have suggested we hope she does well.
You really have no idea what some of us went through that were raised in an extremely conservative baptist family. I don’t think you should criticize unless you have walked in the other person’s shoes. Many of my friends can’t relate (thankfully) but her story was very similar to mine and I know it would have made a big difference had I had someone like her share her story when I was younger. I have no doubt her story is helping others.