It’s Halloween, when all you bitches can get your drag on!
It is my favorite time of year: Time for haunted houses, cooler weather and girls (and twinks!) dressed in their sluttiest costumes. I swear, y’all turn anything into a “ho” costume. Last year, I saw a slutty Chucky, Freddy Kruger in a thong and a sexy “head” nurse, complete with knee pads. I ain’t mad atcha — I love it. Drag queens get to dress up all year long, so I love it when others get to express themselves. My gays always bring it to a completely higher level. The gays do not play. We usually start planning next year’s costume the day after Halloween. I can’t wait to see what y’all bring out this year.
Here is a bit of advice for those of you that are gonna go out in drag: Bring a pair of comfortable shoes. I know you spent a bunch of money on a really fierce pair of cha-cha heels, but trust me: You will probably end up barefoot. Heels hurt your feet after a while. I don’t care who you are. I know you think, “It’s just one night, I can tough it out.” No, you can’t. Every year, the clubs and block party are full of first-time drag queens walking with heels in hand. Get you a cute purse that matches your costume. Stock it with comfy back up shoes, lip gloss, your I.D. and some cash. Also bring a powder puff in case you turn into a sweaty, greasy mess. It happens, be prepared.
Dearest Cassie,
For quite some time now I have known that I like a Dallas performer, a very well-known Dallas gender illusionist. My question to you is: What should I do about it!? I love her personality and what she stands up for! She fights all the right causes and knows how to rock a Britney song! (Hint, hint). I’m torn between confronting her about this dilemma, we talk occasionally but I’d like to take her to dinner to get to know the artist behind the painting! P.S. What words of advice would you give to a struggling gayby who is dipping into the world of drag!? Thanks! Dresden Wilde
Dear Mr. Wilde,
First off, a quick question: Are you serious about your attraction or are you just a star-fucker? Or worse, do you actually just want to do drag but don’t know how to start? My remarks may seem harsh, but it is something drag queens have to deal with all the time. A guy will show an interest in a drag queen, only to later find out he wanted in her dresses not her pants. Drag queens are people, too. We have feelings and we don’t like to get played by someone who has ulterior motives. If you want to do drag, do drag. Don’t fake a romantic interest in someone just because you want to be them.
Now, if you actually do have feelings for this “gender illusionist,” then just ask her out. Find a way to spend time with her out of drag. Most drag queens with bigger-than-life stage personas are actually kind of shy once you get them one-on-one. But be warned: It takes a special kind of man to date a drag queen. It’s not easy for a lot of guys to see past the makeup and wigs to the individual underneath that just wants to be loved like anybody else. Get to know the dude behind the dress and take a chance. Real men date drag queens. Good luck!
Dear Cassie,
I spent so many years working in clubs and partying like a rock star and ended up a severe alcoholic. Now, six years sober, I find myself unable to get back “out there.” I had a seven-year relationship that only ended because he passed away; now, five years after his death, I am ready to date but can’t seem to muster up the courage I had when I was drinking. How can I get the same courage I had before now that I have my life together. I’m asking you because you knew me back then … maybe you could help me now. — Lost artist in San Antonio.
My dear Lost,
It is definitely time for you to get back out there. It is hard to get your confidence back, but you can do it. First of all, you don’t have to put yourself around alcohol to meet a guy. Sure, the clubs are the first go-to, but maybe not the best choice if you want to meet a like-minded guy. The goal is to put yourself in social situations. If your faith is important to you, go to church. Check out a gay sports team. If you are not athletic, be an athletic supporter. Don’t be afraid to ask a friend if they know someone to set you up with. If you don’t take chances, you don’t reap rewards. What I am saying may sound cliché, but carpe diem! You can do it! Life is short … blah blah blah. Advice is just that until you do something with it. Do somethin’ … today. Good luck my sweet friend. Cassie.
Dearest Cassie,
My partner won’t stop watching porn. Don’t get me wrong — porn is great, but I’ve been battling this for years now. Normally I wouldn’t really care that he’s watching porn, but we have no sex life whatsoever. There’s been no sex, no foreplay, no blowjobs, no rimming, no handy-jays, no making out, no dry humping, no fondling, no sexting, no nothing for months on end. But he uses porn on a weekly basis, sometimes more — how unfair is that? I found out today he’s now started paying for smut, whilst we’re struggling financially. We’ve talked about it, we’ve fought about it and he still won’t stop. He won’t even watch it with me!! I don’t know what to do anymore please help! With love and adoration, Over-worked and under-sexed.
Well O.W&U.S,
I hate to break it to you, but you have a roommate, not a boyfriend. And a shitty one at that. A true partner takes their partner’s needs to heart and takes care of their needs. Dude, it is time for an ultimatum. He needs to make you feel wanted and satisfy you or you need to say “Bye, Felicia.” Sex isn’t everything in a relationship but without it, your resentment of him and his porn addiction will lead to bigger problems. I am mad for you. Seriously, good luck with that.
With so many opportunities to dress up in costumes this month, I expect to be blown away. Between the Zombie Walk on the 17th, the Block Party on the 25th and “real” Halloween on the 31st, you have no excuse not to be everyone you wanna be. Whether you are doing the undead shuffle, monster mash or just a jig, be safe. Keep it spooky, y’all!
Love more, bitch less and be fabulous! XOXO Cassie Nova.
If you have a question and want to suggest for Ask a Drag Queen — or just have some juicy gossip to share — email it to AskCassieNova@gmail.com.
This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition October 17, 2014.