How do you address a drag queen?
Cassie Nova here, y’all, and I am ready to dish up some old school wisdom in this fast-paced, one-click, I-need-it-now, A.D.D. world. Oh, look! A squirrel! Thanks to the many of you that have sent me questions. If I haven’t gotten to yours yet, I hopefully will soon. Trying to solve the world’s problems is exhausting work. I’m like Mother Teresa, Dear Abby and Batman all rolled into one. Now let’s get to work.
Dearest Cassie Nova, I read in a recent online interview with a nationally famous drag queen that she feels the success of RuPaul’s Drag Race has garnered certain under-talented, less hardworking drag queens both tours and club bookings that have subsequently cut into or lessened bookings of more seasoned, hardworking, popular local queens. Do you feel this comment has any merit? I love the show and think it has opened doors and built bridges with our straight allies, and even some of our foes who’ve just stumbled into the Logo network. Thanks! Love and light, Kenny C from Big D.
Dear Kenny C, First off, let me say I love the show, too. I have watched every single episode and it really has helped the art of female impersonation become more mainstream and be more accepted. It is also a great way for non-pageant queens to make a name for themselves. But just because you got on a television show does not make you a great entertainer. Drag Race is more about characters than actually performing. There are quite a few “girls” on that show that would never make it in a real cast show at a place like the Rose Room. Without a doubt, there have been some talented bitches come from Drag Race. Local girls Alyssa Edwards and Shangela are great examples of what it means to be a true showgirl. Some of the other ladyboys are just boogers that get paid a big booking fee but will be forgotten as soon as their season is over — they will have no longevity. It is disheartening to see these less talented queens get the bookings that used to go to the hard-working staples in our communities. Sadly, I recently heard there are a few clubs around the country that have decided to only book queens from Drag Race! I get it — everybody loves something new and shiny, but a shine fades quickly if there is no substance. Thanks, Cassie.
While I’m on the subject of RuPaul’s Drag Race, I have absolutely no plans to audition, ever. I am too old, too lazy and too set in my ways to put myself through that. Besides, I can have a bit of a temper. I might not get into fist fights, but I might throw marbles on the stairs! Damn you, Showgirls, for putting that in my head!
Dearest Cassie, What do I say to guys who jump right into a conversation with “Top or bottom?” after only a few minutes of chatting? I always feel like it’s no one’s business but my own and my sexual partner’s. Am I in the minority in feeling this way? Thank you and best wishes, Joshua.
Dear Joshua, Your feelings are totally legitimate, but it depends what you want from these conversations. If you are just looking for friends, then it’s nobody’s business. If you are looking to hook up, then spill it! Don’t think of them asking that question as a bad thing — think of it as an opportunity. If they are asking you “top/bottom,” it opens the door for you to ask them just about anything you want to know: Are you a felon? How long did you breast feed? Were you a bed-wetter? Do you cry after you orgasm? They may regret opening that can of worms. Good luck, Cassie.
Dearest Cassie, Many of us have seen countless drag shows but few realize how much work goes into getting ready for a show and putting the illusion together. Walk us through a typical Friday getting ready for a show. Thanks, Terry Walters.
Terry, I’d love to. There are a lot of people who don’t realize how much work can go into a show. Let’s assume I have hair and costumes ready to go. My Friday night starts when I get to the club at about 8 p.m., freshly shaved and plucked. The ladies of the Rose Room are so lucky to have a great dressing room with our own stations and lockers. I unpack my supplies from my locker (make up, hairspray, spackle) and have a cocktail. I then pick the songs I am going to perform, like “My Vagina is 8 Miles Wide” or anything by Kelly Clarkson … and have a cocktail. I put on my pads next, because it makes me feel fishy. Then I have a cocktail. Now that it’s 8:15, I’m drunk. Just kidding — it’s just a light buzz. (Just so we are clear, when I say pads, I am talking about the foam I have shaped to look like my voluptuous curves. Not the other kind. Ewww.) By 9 p.m., some of the other “girls” show up and we kiki as we put on our makeup. I can paint my mug a lot faster, but I really enjoy taking my time and talking shit with my sisters. Honestly, the real show happens backstage. We will laugh, cry, fight and make up all before the show starts at 11. The camaraderie we share is second to none. Once I am painted and lashed, I give myself a fierce tuck, cinch my waist, put on my boobs, dress, hair, heels, a spritz of Alien perfume and Bam! It’s show time.
Cassie, I have always wondered: What is the best way of addressing a drag queen when they are not in drag. Is it proper to call them by their real name or their drag name? I always stumble over this — I don’t want to offend anyone. Sincerely, Jim Dujka.
Hey, Jim, If you are fortunate enough to know a queen’s real name, use it if they are not in drag. Don’t scream “Cassie!” at me from across the aisles at Walmart. Awkward! This rule, though, does not apply to trans women — always call them by their girl names. Hell hath no fury like a pissed off tranny. Proceed with caution. — Cassie.
As I leave you this week, the world is in turmoil. Drought, downed planes, the death of the fabulous Elaine Stritch. Life can be awful sometimes. I hope you can find a reason to laugh a little each day. Love more! Bitch less! And be fabulous! XOXO, Cassie.
If you have a question and want to suggest for Ask a Drag Queen — or just have some juicy gossip to share — email it to AskCassieNova@gmail.com.
This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition July 25, 2014.