New York City
Hello good people of earth. I hope your day is as beautiful as you are, and, if you are ugly, I hope it is twice as beautiful.
Y’all, my country ass just got back from a little vacation in New York City! I haven’t been to NYC since 1997; close to 30 years have passed since I last took a bite of the Big Apple!
One thing I remember from back then was all of the advertisements for Garth Brooks: Live in Central Park. Apparently, that was a big deal, but we left a few days before the concert happened.
This trip was a group trip to celebrate one of our bestie’s birthday: Ross LOVES New York! Like, really loves it. He would probably already live there if he didn’t need to be near me so bad. He’s, like, obsessed with me. (Wink!)
Seriously, his love for New York is infectious — kinda like the subways. Seeing the city with him is like having your very own tour guide. He knows and understands streets and subways so well that we just kind of blindly followed him. But we always got where we were going!
If I was in charge of directions, we would have ended up being one of those mole people that live in the tunnels beneath the city, because I refuse to back-track or admit I’m lost.
(Oh shit! I am a man!)
We were only there five days, but we did a lot. We ate at Beetle House, a Tim Burton-themed restaurant and bar, because we are nerds like that. The food and the drinks were amazing. The ambiance had a creepy, kookie vibe.
They had a guy dressed as Jack Skellington doing magic and a girl dressed as Lydia Deetz. She just kind of moped around, and, every once in a while, she would sing gothy moody songs. Her version of Evanescence’s “Bring Me to Life” damn near killed me. Bless her heart; it was awful.
Now I am going to sound like such an old fuddy duddy, but it was so loud! When she screeched those high notes, it was literal torture. Our table was near a janky-looking speaker that looked too old to work properly, but fuck if it didn’t. I freakin’ work in night clubs where you can actually feel the music, but that little bitch of a speaker hated us.
Other than us leaving with our ears bleeding, I really enjoyed the place.
I finally got to eat at Butter. I am obsessed with Alex Guarnaschelli from The Food Network and Iron Chef, so that was a bucket list must do for me.
We had reservations for Gayle’s Broadway Rose. It’s a place where the waiters and waitresses sing showtunes, and — if I am being honest, especially after getting ear fucked by that bitch from Beetlejuice — I did not have high hopes for enjoying my dinner that evening.
But I will admit when I am wrong, and I was so wrong! I fucking loved it! The food was ridiculously good; I had the best Reuban of my life. But the entertainers were equally as good. Each person that sang was better than the last, and our adorable waitress was one of the best. She looked like Kristen Bell but with dark hair.
I was worried the service was gonna suck, and us getting our food was going to be an afterthought. I was wrong again. I was so pleasantly surprised.
For the record, we did more than just eat while we were in New York. I guess my fatness puts food at the top of my fun list. We also had some great dim sum in Chinatown. I had my Carrie Bradshaw moment and had Cacio Pepe, but I didn’t share like she would have done. Of course we had some good pizza, but I wish I had eaten more STREETMEAT! So many vendors and food trucks that I wanted to try, but I stayed full the entire trip.
I am a musical-loving homosexual, so you know we had tickets to see something on Broadway! We saw The Wiz with Deborah Cox as Glinda, and I have very mixed feelings about it. Every performer in the show — amazing! Every one of them could sing their faces off, but the sets were very meh. The costumes were fine, but it’s on Broadway so I expected more.
Except for Glinda’s dress. It was fabulous. They must have spent most of the budget on her costume. Overall, I really enjoyed The Wiz because of the songs and incredible cast.
We also had tickets to this year’s Tony winner for best musical, The Outsiders . It is based on the novel by S.E. Hinton that I was supposed to read in high school, but I cheated and watched the movie instead.
The Outsiders was probably my favorite thing we did in New York. It was one of the best musicals I have ever seen. The lighting and choreography were so well done that I literally had goosebumps. There is the most amazing, intense fight sequence that takes place in the rain. Like a full-on thunderstorm in the theater.
YouTube their performance from The Tonys, then imagine it happening just a few yards in front of you. It was awesome, and I was an emotional wreck the entire second act. Shows like that are why you go to New York. It was fucking amazing.
This trip to New York made me realize a few things about myself. One is that I am a little claustrophobic, and I hate being in a big crowd with people around me 360. I need a wall or something behind me. My anxiety was high a lot in New York.
The second thing I realized is I am so spoiled. I didn’t realize how many things we take for granted here in Texas. I bitch that Texas is so flat and boring, but I love a wide-open space with room to breathe and stretch. Our hotel room in New York was tiny, but the only time I truly relaxed was when we closed the hotel room door.
Texas may be hot, and we have long periods of 100-degree days. But you know what we have because of that? Great air conditioning.
Few places in New York have great air conditioning. No matter where we ate or what theater or club we were in, I was warm. I am the biggest pussy when it comes to the heat. Luckily, our hotel room had central air and a window unit. We ran them both and kept the room chilled enough that I could reenergize before we went out again.
We take ice for granted here in Texas. Every restaurant gives you ice water and ice in your drinks. New York seemed so stingy with their ice, and I never felt like I got enough to chill my drink, let alone cool me off. I know that is a stupid thing to bitch about, but here we are.
Oh, and we are so spoiled by our local bartenders. The thimbles that they use in New York for shot glasses were laughable compared to what we get here. We are so spoiled here, and we need to be better tippers and more thankful to the people that take care of us.
We took a ferry to see the Statue of Liberty, went to the 911 memorial, had a shot at Stonewall and tried to cram as much touristy stuff as we could into our short trip. I think Ross had a great birthday. I hope he enjoyed it as much as I did. Happy birthday Ross!
Remember to always love more, bitch less…oops…and be fabulous! XOXO, Cassie Nova